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That's why they're considered "mistakes".

Now to be fair, you're going to make mistakes in this. I've made mistakes in my situation; we all have. We're dealing with strong, complex, emotional relationships. That is why we have to take the emotion out of how we deal with it. That's not to say you can't be emotional about this process, just not in the presence of your spouse.

Be all business; Act As If.

Okay,

Here is the thing I realize last night that I am enjoying pushing her buttons. I have been walking around on eggshells for two years not saying anything and now I feel like what are you going to do leave me.

She was super pissed about the comment on the kids.

I now realize that CityGirl is right nothing positive will come out of button pushing and I have now decided to stop.

Another thing that I do not know how to handle.

All she wants to talk about is money, custody arangements and all that stuff.

I have explained that I will sit down and discuss it after we move. She won't let up on it. There was another email this morning about it.

We are moving in two different directions here.

I want to put it back together she wants to take it apart.

What next? The discussion about money and custody is one step closer to the end.

Any suggestions on how to proceed???

I feel okay emotionally but she is beating me down to the point where I want to say F**K IT GO THEN HAVE A NICE LIFE.

That is wise.



Ignore the emails. Let her phone calls go to voice mail. Contact her when you feel like discussing it.



This process is totally under your control.

If you want to call it quits, do so. If you want to get emotional and make this process harder, knock yourself out.

Thanks Trent,

I guess what I am asking is if one person is going this way and one that is there any hope in the situation?

I know I can't control her but it is very hard to detach when we sleep in the same bed, live in the same house etc etc.

All I see is the beutiful wife I love and want to be close too and all she see's is the person she hates.

I can live with that and accept it but I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall trying to put it back together.

There is always hope.



Why are you sleeping in the same bed then? Maybe it's time she slept in the other room...



I'm not up on your situation. What have you been doing in the way of 180's or getting a life?

She can't begin to miss you unless you remove yourself from her life.

Hey Trent,

We are sleeping in the same bed because both of us are too stuborn to move. Also to minimize stress on our kids as we are moving.

This whole situation is occuring in the middle of a move to our "dream house / town" for a "new start".

I do have a DB coach 180's are to act as if I can take whatever she throws out, to act happy and playful.

GAL is really not happening because we are packing up a 2700 sq/ft house.

GAL will be easy in the new town.

I'd have a hard time sleeping in the same bed with someone who "hates" me, but that's just me.



180's aren't supposed to be about Acting As If; it's about making real changes for yourself. They're two different tools.

You can find all sorts of reasons to not GAL, but they won't help in the long run. Take the kids out for pizza once in a while. Schedule play dates with their friends and take them to the park. Have your wife watch them and go out by yourself.

This is what attorneys are for.

Puppy

Puppy hits the nail on the head, as usual.

If she tries to bring that up again, tell her that you'll be willing to sit down with your respective attorneys to discuss it at a later date.

It's really important to keep the interactions between the two of you civil. For your own emotional health, but also for the kid(s). The single biggest source of strife is the legal/financial stuff, so that's why you leave that to the attorneys.

"I'm sorry, I've decided that it's probably best that we let the attorneys sort all that out. I've never been thru this before, obviously, so I'm relying a lot on his expertise."

Puppy