Well just to let you two both know (Gardener and Serenity), you have tendency to stop by and encourage others and it is only right that you both get blessed back! Rocked is sending blessings your way tonight! :-)
Thank you again. We are all here for each other.
You know who really touched me tonight? ClingingToHope's "Hope and heartache".
I think the Lord blessed me with the perfect response and I hope I touched him back. He deserves it.
Not tooting my own horn here: I was touched and the Spirit answered.
Good night, friends.
Last edited by Gardener; 11/15/0903:40 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
And I had to admit to myself the other day - tough to admit - I was weighing the two options wondering which one might lend itself more to an eventual reconciliation: Being gone for good or being around here and bumping into each other occasionally. I was almost embarrassed by the thought of it, but hey, there is a Divorced But Not Done Forum, right?
I think even after all is said and done reconciliation is your true hearts desire. You know your wife/her feelings/her thoughts/her ways - You know in your heart that what she says isn't really "her" saying it however you have chosen the high road after quite some time with the hopes that maybe somewhere down the road you two will be able to reconcile - This makes you human, a wonderful man willing to let go of the woman he loves/place her in God's hands with the hope that He will answer the prayers you have sent up. He will my friend, have Faith - Above anything else keep your Faith.
My opinion (((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Y'know what? Gardenerman's getting off this computer and out of this for-sale house he's been working on and in for days and gonna go outside and rake some leaves or something before it gets dark!
See ya tonight.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Well, here it is after much-needed 72-hour rule this time: My response to stepkids re: my STBXW's BS (?) last Thursday about my "unappreciated" surprise trip to Chicago to see newborn GD Adeline:
Originally Posted By: Gardener
StepD, StepD's Partner, Stepson,
Loving apology:
It was brought to my attention last week that my surprise visit was unexpected (of course), unwanted, and uninvited.
Thankfully, my thoughts quickly focused on the word uninvited. This is true and is the reason for my writing you to say, "I'm sorry."
I was wisely told recently that we all must now learn to navigate an uncharted new norm. (Note not in letter: My StepD had said this to me)
I suppose I was navigating the well-charted old norm that day.
I purposefully selected the shortest-interim round trip I could. In addition, I hung out, shopped and ate in your neighborhood for about three hours before "dropping in" and I left to go back to the airport 2/12 hours before my flight so as not to overstay.
I recently wrote a friend that while (Son and Son) are my sons and family (Naturally. Of course), as far as Family and the old Home and Hearth thing goes, (Wife, StepD and StepS) are and have been my Family for over seventeen years. Needless to say, that's why I came.
It was bliss for me to see, hold and kiss Adeline. It was a joy to see you, (StepD), after so much time. And I enjoyed talking so much to you,(StepD's Partner), who I don't know as well as I would like. And, of course it is always good to see (StepS) as well as see a beaming, new Grandma.
Still, I am sorry for my presumptuousness and for for any awkwardness I introduced into your day together. Thank you for for being so gracious in spite of it.
Please kiss that beautiful baby for me.
I love you all.
Gardener
The last time I wrote in response to something my STBXW "said" they said, they came back with a reply of "I have absolutely NO idea what you're talking about!" It'll be interesting to see the reply or replies to this one.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Whew! It was an absolute marathon to get caught up, but I did it. Sorry I am too late for most of the crisis. But I will tell you what hit me the most.
The C that said your wife was sexually abused is part of this wave of C's out there that look for and of course find abuse in nearly every sitch. I know because my H and I had that brush us in 2003. Frankly, if what you were doing was abuse, then I am sick and twisted for thinking fondly back to something similar that I giggled and pushed back for myself. (And would pay good money to have again.) : )
Your W is seeking reinforcements and "telling her story" to make herself look good and to help her stay angry enough to go through with the D. I seriously doubt that her gaslighted version of the visit is remotely correct. More likely, SHE was upset that you came and invaded HER visit.
Too bad, so sad, and it sucks to be her. Just because she has demonized you does not mean everyone will or should. Just because she wants everyone to pick sides does NOT mean they should, can or will. If she hasn't figured out that D does not mean you are completely out of each others' lives, she will eventually.
Now to that man-cave - there is no reason you have to have it spartan or bare. Live simply, yes, but a man of heart and passion such as yourself should make a rich, inviting, and personal environment for yourself. Go out thrifting or to auctions. Find furniture or art that reflects your taste.
Good for you for asking someone out. Keep doing that. Just take it slow and don't expect another person to be the cure for what ails you. IMHO - the lady you ask out should be of the highest caliber, because you deserve it.
Even though your STBXW seems to think she has everything rolling out on her command, in her time-frame, does not mean it has to. Absolutely refuse to let her rope in the mediator. And if she has then leave. No excuses or reasons necessary. Simply let both of them know that mediation is not appropriate if it is directed in one direction. The point is to come to a settlement, not to bash you. If she can't keep that in mind then you are done.
Serenity, dear - I loved the long verse you posted. It was so appropriate. Gardener has handled himself with Grace and his W is such a fool. An angry, perhaps damaged fool, but a fool all the same.
Were I in Connecticut, I would love to have the next dance.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Whew! It was an absolute marathon to get caught up, but I did it.
Thank you for taking all that time to do so. I recently did it for SpyBunny and it is enlightening and exhausting.
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
The C that said your wife was sexually abused is part of this wave of C's out there that look for and of course find abuse in nearly every sitch.
How sadly, immorally true.
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
Frankly, if what you were doing was abuse, then I am sick and twisted for thinking fondly back to something similar that I giggled and pushed back for myself. (And would pay good money to have again.) : )
Very funny! And true for us all.
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
Your W is seeking reinforcements and "telling her story" to make herself look good and to help her stay angry enough to go through with the D. I seriously doubt that her gaslighted version of the visit is remotely correct. More likely, SHE was upset that you came and invaded HER visit.
What exactly does this mean (I never figured it out)? This is probably it. Exactly. You're right!
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
Now to that man-cave - there is no reason you have to have it spartan or bare. Live simply, yes, but a man of heart and passion such as yourself should make a rich, inviting, and personal environment for yourself. Go out thrifting or to auctions. Find furniture or art that reflects your taste.
I hear ya. I did mention treasures. But I do like simple.
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
Good for you for asking someone out. Keep doing that. Just take it slow and don't expect another person to be the cure for what ails you.
i agree.
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
IMHO - the lady you ask out should be of the highest caliber, because you deserve it.
She is. Ssshhh! I asked Gypsy out Though I don't think she knows it yet. Go read the last several posts on her "Butterflies..." thread over on Surviving the Big D. It's all kinda funny, actually. You'll have to read back a couple of pages.SSsshhh... And I agree with the rest of your post, too re: mediator.
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
Serenity, dear - I loved the long verse you posted. It was so appropriate. Gardener has handled himself with Grace and his W is such a fool. An angry, perhaps damaged fool, but a fool all the same.
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
Were I in Connecticut, I would love to have the next dance.
Just say the word! Thank you, Wifey. Always good to hear from ya! I mean it!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Though I don't think she knows it yet. Go read the last several posts on her "Butterflies..." thread over on 