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Hi Opt,

I don't know how your D was filed for but a thought on his saying it is your decision.

I have also told David this when the decision to go on to court or postpone has came up.

I feel we didn't discuss this and it is HIS divorce not mine so it isn't my decision to make. He chose this route without discussing it with me so it is his route to continue deciding what he wants to do.

Maybe just a thought on why he isn't trying to stop you.

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Maybe just a thought on why he isn't trying to stop you.

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another thought is possibly he doesn't feel that he has a right to that decision anymore.

LL

IMHO,

The bottom line:

When you look in the mirror...how will you feel about your decision?

Do the one you feel is best for you.

Hugs.

OK I have talked to my lawyer. It helped me put things into better perspective, also.

1. I do not want to have the suit dismissed. I do not think we have a chance as long as OW works for my H, and I want to protect myself and my daughter.

2. We can easily take the suit off the dismissal dock and that will give me 2 or 3 months to decide and to see what his improvements are.

I just feel I cannot dismiss the suit while she is there. For all I know they could be even still having an A behind my back.

The question now is: do I tell my H or do I let him think things are at a standstill?

I vote for telling H of the postponement (sp?) and WHY you had the court date set aside for now. Invite him into the process. Other BB friends have told you that they felt they were not part of the process since their spouse filed, so in that vein, invite him to be a part of the decision.
JMHO, of course.
T2

Or what if you didn't tell him unless he asked?

If he's concerned about it, will he bring it up?

Hugs.

That is not his pattern. He ignores things and goes into his cave. He may or may not resent it. I will know in 3 to 5 years I guess.

I agree.

When David continued he still didn't tell me if it was general this time or another date was being set.

I finally asked last night. He did not continue generally so probably another date is being set. He doesn't take responsibility for it as he doens't tell his A what to do other than continue. They wait to see if he then gives them any instructions before they go ahead and file another date.

But he doesn't and he doesn't share with me what he has done.

It leaves a very up in the air feeling, leads to more distrust of him on my part.

Hope this helps some.

Opt,

Why are you postponing? What is your goal in doing this instead of dismissing it? How would telling him/not telling him fit into or achieve these goals?

I think answering those questions will guide you to what you should do for you. The old "is what I'm about to do going to get me closer to my goal" question.

Jackie

I know Jackie, I am just so confused right now. I guess it just shows I do not trust him (some news!), that I feel very threatened by just having OW there. That I am procrastinating... or we both are. I do not know.

I quote myself, from my old thread. It still holds:

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And yes, Shiny, I do think he has some kind of attachment with OW still, but I am not sure of what it is. I want to think, with Bill, that he feels guilty and responsible.

Let's face it: he told her he loved her and wanted to marry her, that he was waiting for our D to be final (when he had not even filed and never did); he had her working in the office convinced that she was working in their bussiness when by law it was ours (Texas is a community property state); he took her to his family's house so that she gave his mother PT and letting her think that she was one of them while they considered that she was only 'his whore' and told him to 'dump her' behind her back (got that one from a good friend of his who was around); he finally moved in with her only because I kicked him out of our house and even then while he was attending her son's wedding he bought me a wedding band for my birthday; while living with her, he spent all his waking moments with me; and finally he left her only 5 weeks later EVEN BEFORE I KNEW for sure about the A; he was even going to counselling with me during that time to 2 counsellors at once!

When I learned about the A, I filed for D and he begged me not to, to give him and our M a chance, and he has been stalling for time since then. If he had wanted to marry OW, he would have done it a long, long time ago. Even before our D was born.

To add insult to injury she is 13 years older than I am, and considerably less pretty (modest me ), with less financial resources (believe me, I do not need my H to give me alimony) and more encumbrances (both familial and from her past). She does not even speak his mother language (a huge thing with him)-I do- and is in the other end of the political and religious spectrum than he is. Add to that the fact that her former H dropped her after 20-some years of M (he even sent her out of town so that he could change all the locks on her) and the picture becomes pathetic.

So based on facts, on his actions, not his words, I have to conclude that he does not want to marry her and maybe does not love her. If he did I would not have a chance. But that does not mean he loves me in return.

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He has lied so much and for so long that I do not even know what is true and what is false any more. And I fear that lying has become second nature to him (or perhaps it always was) and I have changed all I could change. I am so tired...