M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You're on the right track. Just remember not to go "passive-aggressive" on her; your non-response should always be because you're busy, GALing, mysterious -- NOT come across like you're in any way AVOIDING her.
An upbeat "Sorry, just saw your message; I've been running all day! What's up??" is perfect.
You're on the right track. Just remember not to go "passive-aggressive" on her; your non-response should always be because you're busy, GALing, mysterious -- NOT come across like you're in any way AVOIDING her.
An upbeat "Sorry, just saw your message; I've been running all day! What's up??" is perfect.
Puppy
Okay cool I understand the difference. Thanks a lot by the way
Wife went to see mediator. We all have dinner together and are getting the kids ready for bed. She clearly seems low and eventually says "I need a hug". I pass her my 3 year old.
She says lets just have an "A Frame" hug. I hum and haw a bit but agree. Nothing hard core. As well I notice she is touching me a couple of time nothing obvious but a pat on the back and a touch on the leg. Again I'm like WTF.
The kids go to bed and I head down to the garage to start packing. She keeps poking her head in and talking about nothing really. I respond but clearly stay focused on packing.
I see she is lonely and wants to hang out and talk. After all I am her "best friend" right.
I finsih packing a go to bed thats about it.
I am trying not to get to excited about these instances because of course she has not said she wants to try to work it out.
Her sister is coming into town this weekend so she probably won't feel as lonely but it also gives me an opportuity to be happy and outgoing in front of her.
This is pretty much "script." Try to be a good listener -- validate ("That must be hard," and "I'm sorry you feel that way," etc.) -- but don't rescue or blow smoke up her ass.
Treat her like you would a cousin, or a good roommate. Be polite.
Good job on the hugs. It's incredibly hard when we see our wayward/walkaway wives hurting, but it's important to let them FEEL the consequences of their decision-making, and to not rescue them from them.
I think then from what you describe I may be ignoring her too much.
Am I wrong for not talking about this mediator and impending doom? Seems like that is not talking about the future
The attitude I am taking is we are moving now and need to do that first.
No more talk about the D bs until thats done.
Should I ask her how she feels and stuff or let her bring it up?
I am seeing positives from it but I want to keep it rolling in the right direction.
I have to admit my new attitude of detach with love and you make your decissions and live with the consequences is reallly helping make it throught the day.
Before when this would happen I was so depressed and sad but now it's "I'm moving forward would you like to come"?
