I still think I could reason with them. I'm thinking about calling them on the day that W flys there and asking for there help with the sitch: not with the M, but with the drinking and BPD. I know I'm not supposed to reach out to family members for help. what do you think?
I think an intervention is needed. If you think they would be supportive of that strategy, then yes, I would reach out to them. Maybe discuss it with an Al-Anon person first?
puppy, thanks for still being here. i've been reaching out to my sister too, and she has been reading the posts here. she thought that maybe why people weren't responding was because I wasn't opening up enough. i knew it was a very long post, but i couldn't get my thought in order and just decided to stop self-editing and get it out. i've been looking for an al-anon meeting to go to; i don't know why i didn't think to call; i'll look up and call now.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
i've been looking for an al-anon meeting to go to; i don't know why i didn't think to call; i'll look up and call now.
Go, a lot of the Al-Anon teaching is similiar to DB. You need the support to help you right now. You can handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
id probably not tell my wife right away. go to a few yourself and find the right chapter you think might be the most helpful. you will probably find the same people attending different chapters on different nights. some might be huge with lots of different life stories while others smaller and more personalable.
get yourself squared away with a plan before approaching your wife with this since the stigma associated with this is too much for some people. definitely start dumping the bottles when you find them.
I just reached al-anon on phone; they set me up with a meeting on saturday. i just missed one this morning. and there is another chance on wednesday is i can work out schedule for someone else to pick up kids.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
id probably not tell my wife right away. go to a few yourself and find the right chapter you think might be the most helpful. you will probably find the same people attending different chapters on different nights. some might be huge with lots of different life stories while others smaller and more personalable.
get yourself squared away with a plan before approaching your wife with this since the stigma associated with this is too much for some people. definitely start dumping the bottles when you find them.
if I start dumping bottles, she'll KNOW i'm up to something. do it anyway?
Last edited by Awoken; 11/17/0905:17 PM.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
I just reached al-anon on phone; they set me up with a meeting on saturday. i just missed one this morning. and there is another chance on wednesday is i can work out schedule for someone else to pick up kids.
I just reached al-anon on phone; they set me up with a meeting on saturday. i just missed one this morning. and there is another chance on wednesday is i can work out schedule for someone else to pick up kids.
This is seriously good news. Congratulations.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
thanks for the responses; just knowing a few of you are out there reading is helping calm me down. Taking some kind of action is good too.
honestly, I worry that i'm overreacting to her drinking out of some kind of LBS desperation, but that's gotta be wrong thinking. Al-anon should give me prespective. Gardner recommended I read "Rational Recovery", which I did yesterday, and it had a section on enablers/suckers which should have erased my doubts!
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
I think I would wait on that until you go to your Alanon meeting at least and get their suggestions. I'm thinking their suggestions relate to not making excuses for the person, letting them have consequences and not helping them out.
I think dumping bottles will not really help with the actual problem, but I would check with Alanon first as they would prob. know best. I think a big component of the program is detaching and not trying to control the problem such as dumping bottles, or whatever.
