She says because I talk snotty and disdainful towards her. I do not. That's what she hears or wants to hear to convince herself that she's divorcing a pr!ck, and not the decent, loving (though imperfect) man she's loved for 15-16 years.
Her IC has corrupted her. Her IC has been trying to get her to walk out and "self-actualize" for 4 years since I quit drinking. Y'see, since I quit through Rational Recovery and counseling (with immediate and lasting success) rather than AA, well, then I'm "just an in-denial, diseased, insane dry drunk." STBXW is just editing memories, re-writing history and demonizing me to justify her actions, her "bailing" on us, which goes against her values, her core.
That's my theory and I'm stickin' to it.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
You are exactly right she is demonizing you. It's unfortunate that she can sway other people. I think your son is lucky she has no contact with him. I think you will be happier with no contact with her too.
She's rewriting history to suit her purposes. I highly doubt that her C said what she claims, though it may be what she heard.
She's trying to justify herself, and she is trying to influence as many opinions as possible to support her point of view. Maintain your honor, over time she will find that her "allies" fall away. The truth usually wins out. People that don't want to see it usually don't matter.
She's rewriting history to suit her purposes. I highly doubt that her C said what she claims, though it may be what she heard.
I've been told many of the things the IC has said these 4 years. I even spoke to her once on the phone and when she realized who I was her demeanor changed immediately. Unlike you, I don't doubt it for a minute.
Originally Posted By: Virtually_Handsome
She's trying to justify herself, and she is trying to influence as many opinions as possible to support her point of view. Maintain your honor, over time she will find that her "allies" fall away. The truth usually wins out. People that don't want to see it usually don't matter.
Yep. She bailed, she WAWed without ever telling me there was a problem at all. She has a life-long pattern of cutting people off, shutting them out and running away permanently when she reaches her level of pain (Father& Mother 30 years, 2 sisters 20+ years, Her first ex, my mother, a good friend of hers. now me).
Regarding bailing without ever telling me she was unhappy at all, her daughter recently emailed me saying "I do know that she clearly and regularly communicated unhappiness and concern over your relationship over an extended period of time." My immediate reaction? "Not to me she didn't!"
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
You know this, but, coming from another woman here, you were NOT sexually abusive... She should have been thankful the fire was still there for her!!!
Classic re-write of history to suit her needs/WANTS!
How did the mediator respond to this?
I agree that you need to, in an honorable way, have an adult conversation with those step-children, and let them know that you still "loving" them, by showing up to celebrate the new baby, supporting their new lives, etc... was nothing but your way to continue to "love" them. They may be unwelcoming of it (because of the stbxw poison), but you did and do what's natural.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
She's rewriting history to suit her purposes. I highly doubt that her C said what she claims, though it may be what she heard.
She's trying to justify herself, and she is trying to influence as many opinions as possible to support her point of view. Maintain your honor, over time she will find that her "allies" fall away. The truth usually wins out. People that don't want to see it usually don't matter.
'This' post above is true wisdom...it's truth. Let it sink in and take heed.
You are a good man.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Classic re-write of history to suit her needs/WANTS!
Yep...that's it. I understand that you feel the way you do, but remember, you have no control over her thoughts, feelings, and actions...so don't waste anymore emotional energy even bothering with it.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
2) (Here we go). Mr. & Mrs. G always had one rip-roarin' fantastic sex life, thank God. In addition to that fact, I want you to picture thisokay, consider this: Even when not having sex, Mr. & Mrs. G got to bed, spoon fashion, me behind (no pun). Well, that can lead to unintended arousal, as we all know. For 15 years she would giggle, grind back and ask me if I wanted to ML. Last year, she suddenly hated it. It kept happening, naturally. She said I was doing it on purpose. I usually wasn't, but sometimes - sometimes - I did do a little nudge-nudge-, wink, wink, with the old kliegel muscles on purpose.
You say "Last year, she suddenly hated it". Did she communicate this to you at all over the past year? If so, then I kinda have a problem with you "sometimes" fooling with her on purpose and lying about it ("it's involuntary!"). I wouldn't call it sexual abuse, but it does feel like you were violating a poorly-communicated boundary.
Of course, if she didn't say anything at all to you about it, then I'm not sure what you could have done differently. I haven't kept up with your sitch, but just reading the last few pages shows me that she has some horrible issues that she is not dealing with at all.
Either way, I feel for your sitch and the fact that this is tearing your family apart. Especially with your son and his marital problems.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
She says because I talk snotty and disdainful towards her. I do not. That's what she hears or wants to hear to convince herself that she's divorcing a pr!ck, and not the decent, loving (though imperfect) man she's loved for 15-16 years.
Her IC has corrupted her. Her IC has been trying to get her to walk out and "self-actualize" for 4 years since I quit drinking. Y'see, since I quit through Rational Recovery and counseling (with immediate and lasting success) rather than AA, well, then I'm "just an in-denial, diseased, insane dry drunk." STBXW is just editing memories, re-writing history and demonizing me to justify her actions, her "bailing" on us, which goes against her values, her core.
