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nagl,
Reading along. Good luck with counselor tomorrow night. Might be helpful before you go to acknowledge that you both feel nervous about it. And you're both still going.


I don't know of any good books, but others will chime in and you can ask the MC, too.
Keep going.

Updating. Last night was uneventful. We had gone back and forth while we are both at work during the day on small stuff via txt and a couple calls. I handled some house maintenance stuff and she thanked me. I also picked up D from the sitter after I got out so she didn't have to. By the time we both settled down after work we were beat. Watched a show together and then went to bed. Didn't really cuddle or anything. We briefly talked about the MC session and we both sort of agreed that out of all the talking we've done that it's doubtful anything that we haven't discussed will come out since we will be getting the MC up to speed. She said "unless you have something big you're going to drop on me" I said ya right, "or if you cheated another time too"...how about I twist that knife a little. It was fine. I was joking even though I am really hurt.

I told her last night I was supposed to run 8 early today and she asked if it was with this OW I run with quite a bit in the morning. Yup, it is. I've actually told her about our marriage issues and she's become a sympathetic ear to me and has been through separation and counseling before. W knows this because I've told her. Anyway, I wake up at 4:15 and hop up and go for my run. Nice run along the water with the sunrise coming up about halfway through. I vented a little to her and she shared some painful issues on her end as well. I think it made both of us feel better. Instead of coffee after, I wanted to go home and see if my D was up yet so I hopped in the car and rushed home after thanking her for the sympathetic ear.

I came home and D was still sleeping to my surprise. I went into the bedroom and talked to W for a bit and layed next to her while she asked me about my run. I put my arm around her as I told her the distance and time and all that small talk. Then I went to get ready for work. By the time I finished D was up watching cartoons so I sat with her while I ate breakfast which I never ever do at home but really enjoyed it. She was hugging me and patting me on the back while I was sitting near her eating. I really see that she loves me being there and notices any time we spend together at such a young age. It has just recently made a big impact on me and I want to always just be there when I can.

Then W started getting ready for work but couldn't find her sports bra. I said there was one in the wash so I through it in the dryer for her and she just paraded around topless for a half hour. I had a bunch of books and had printed the articles out on this site to read. She said I had a stack of self help books and I said yes but they are more help for our marriage too and not just me. I mentioned if she wanted some quick reads that I had the printouts from this site if she wanted but no big deal. She said yes I do. I put them on the table for her.

Then when I left I got a nice hug and couple of kisses. I saw my W again in that instance as she looked into my eyes and wrapped her arms around me. Of course she was topless still and freaking torturing me on purpose I'm sure. At one point I said don't you want to put a shirt on and she said nah. Damn that girl has my number. I can't believe how much I love her and never really realized it. Eh...anyhow, I left for work on a good note.

Also, she had given me some candy yesterday, which I always take but then complain that she is trying to make me fat. So I snuck in her car and put a bunch of her favorite candy on her seat but never mentioned it. I got the text about 40 minutes later when she realized on her way to the gym, "It's on, if you want a fat wife keep the candy coming", to which my only possible reply could have been, "payback is a biotch!"...I get "you just wait" back..whatever. Nice to have a little light hearted back and forth like that.

Let's see what the day brings. She's off of work and has D all day until our MC session. I'll count how many messages and texts I get but won't initiate...

Alright, I type to fast and end up writing too much....have to get some real work done now.

sorry to bump this up again, but feel the need to update.

So, my wife decides to run to and after I get the txt "Just wanted to rub it in...xxx pace, x miles :)" It's few seconds faster than my pace this morning (which I took slower because of the girl I was running with).

I feeling good for some reason reply the only way I know how "Oh we're racing now? Little girl, you can't handle what I can unleash. Keep training :)" Followed by "nice run :)".

Then I get this reply,
"I feel like I have my husband back:)"

WTF?! I'm not sure how to respond to that right now so haven't said anything back yet...but will soon because I know she hates non-responsiveness.

I don't want to over read it but that is a pretty strong statement.

respond with

"tonight?"

Instead I said,
"wow must have been a really good run. But, I do feel back from wherever I was so that's a plus. Seems like a dark fog has been lifted. Alright, too deep maybe. That's a big statement you just made though"

I promptly got
"It just feels really good, I felt really alone for a long time. Maybe my near death experience this morning was an eye opener haha"

I may have went too deep, but don't think so. I like the reply I got. She's trying to keep it light. She almost was bumped by a car this AM apparantly while running if you're wondering.

I was thinking of replying about not being alone, but probably won't. I think it'll be good to go into tonight's session on a positive note. I think we all know that things could get rough in there during our first MC session. I just feel like I'm making some headway on one front. But I need to deal with the demons of her cheating too at some point...

What a tangled web we weave.

I love this post! Very useful and detailed.

Thanks

alright, another update...

Now she wanted to surprise me and drive an hour with D2 down to where I work to meet up for lunch. I said I had meetings but would move one if she did so we could get lunch.

She hopped in the car immediately and is on her way. It's a big deal for me so I thought I'd share. She's essentially driving 2 hours with my D2 to spend about an hour with me.

I know I need to temper expectations...Seeing signs of hope though.

Well, it was a great lunch. We stopped somewhere for desert after too. I walked them to the car and put D2 in. Had a nice long gaze and kiss (real kiss). She said she loved me. I reciprocated. She said that she'd see me tonight at MC (I have to meet her there because of work). I said, "ya I'm sure it will be just as much fun". She said "We're a team". I told her that she'd "never be alone again"...re: her txt earlier. She said thank you.

What a roller coaster this is. I need to piece this back together. I really wish she didn't cheat on me but I feel like it was this big cry for help and way to feel like she's gotten even with me for the years I've neglected her and not met her needs. I'm going to struggle to get passed it but think I'll be able to fine if we work together. Today could either be the pivotal moment or just a good day in a long long road to recovery. Either way I'll take it and am happy to go into MC on this high note because I know it's going to be a stressful night.

Oh, she also told me she canceled on the band she was supposed to sing with (we were going to get a babysitter and do our separate things Friday night). The most telling sign is when I look her in the eye's today. It's her. It's my W looking right back at me with love.

And...real time news...just got a txt..."Btw, that kiss was amazing"

I feel like I'm being punked and Ashton Kutcher it about to jump in and punch me in the gut or something.

Anyway, I need to get off this site for the day and get some work done. All of these stories and advice have given me alot of perspective and things I need to work on myself. I hope I can just keep the positive changes going.

Go into the MC with a open mind. I am glad things are improving for you.

Cheers

Yes...stay open and prepared. I went through these ups and downs, back and forths too. I'm glad as well.