Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

The next time you see him you should look great, smell great, put on your favorite outfit and work it. I find that sexy undies give me a little boost. Sometimes I would make a list of things to talk about with H if I needed to have an interaction, positive things, no R talk.

You should act like you feel great, like you have been eating, and sleeping, and all that stuff that we dont do when our dirt bag H's walk out.

Sounds like you have a good start on GAL! You could join a scrapbook club! That would be a good way to meet some new people.

I hope that you enjoy the rest of your weekend!

No need to apologize. I often find myself thinking exactly the same way. Now I don't have to vent it myself ;-)

Feeling so sad right now and literally sick to my stomach with thoughts of what H might have been doing in his hotel room in Chicago. I'm married to man who thinks only of himself. Has lost his morals and values. A man who puts his rotten self before his daugther. A man who is turning into posion in my life.

Why am I here? Why am I still fighting? Why have I allowed this behavior to continue for nearly a year? Why would I still want this to work after EVERYTHING? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I am feeling a little better today. Not great, but not such an emotional mess.

H sent me 3 text messages today and I have not responded. I haven't tried to contact him for the last 2 days. Should I be ignoring him like this? I want him to get the message that I'm done playing his games and being deceived. His messages were asking if I was working today. If fed ex came to our house this morning and if I'm still ignoring him.

lol, so I guess that the answer to his last question is yes? I would tell him that Im not ignoring him, I just dont have anything to say to him, ok, maybe not quite like that. But yes, Ill be home for fedex and whether or not your working, I wouldnt even address the "Are you ignoring me?".

And then leave it at that. I would wait at least a few hours before I answered ANY of his messages. Keep your answers all business for a while. Like you arent sitting there just waiting for the gift of his attention, you know? Like you have better things to do than answer his silly little text messages.

And then really go out and have better things to do!

It may not seem like it right now Courtney, but your doing good, be patient with yourself.

Yes, I was ignoring him, but really like you said, I don't have anything (nice) to say to him. I'm just really annoyed that he thinks he can lie about his behavior over the weekend and then check in with a few text messages on Monday and act like everything is okay - like he's done nothing wrong. I guess I figured ignoring him would tell him that I'm not interested in hearing from him, playing his games or acting like his behavior is okay.

I thought about saying something like - I'm not ignoring you, but what's left to be said? You are not interested in working on our marriage so I really don't have much to say. I'm not interested in simply being friends. I'd rather not communicate then be fake and ignore our problems and ignore the fact you continually strive to deceive me. You lied to me. And you don't want to answer to me and that's fine. I'll do the same - I won't answer to you.
That response needs some work, but that's what's on my mind.

Thanks for the encouragment. I had a really good night with my DD so I'm feeling better. : )

So, he's home right now.

I haven't sent him a text or tried to contact him since Saturday night. When I got the feeling that he was lying to me, I drew the line and I refuse to play his games any longer. Since Saturday, he has sent me 6 texts and I did not reply to any of them except 2 that were specific questions about our DD. He came over today @ 5pm to see her, I didn't say anything to him. I said goodbye to our DD and I left for 2.5 hrs. It's now 8:30pm and he's giving her a bath. I haven't said anything to him - except I did ask a question about DD.

I made sure that I looked "cute" and just did my own thing.

Hum...is he noticing anything? Does he even care? Should I speak to him or just kinda continue to ignore? I'm so pissed right now bc I know he lied this weekend so I don't have anything to say to him.

Courts,

I think one thing you have to remember is that you should not believe anything you hear...and half of what you see as said by many on here. A WAS will lie to themselves as much as they do you. You've absolutely need to detach. No only to DB, but also for yor own health. They have to see you getting yourself together and getting a life apart from them...moving on if you will.

Trust me, they notice everything. With my XW, I would make a change it would be months before she would mention it. But she did notice and I planted a seed of doubt. Time is your ally!

In regards to time, we've been separated for close to a year. It sure doesn't seem like time is on my side. I'm tired of this and tired of being patient while he tries to figure out what he wants. I can't even say anything else about it because it gets me so angry.

I'm trying...but how does everyone else detach? What do you do that really helps? Like me, do you have good days and bad - feeling at times like you'll be okay and other times when you feel totally crushed and broken?

I feel like I'm stuck. Like I can't move forward or backward...I'm just here unable to move. IDK if that make sense to anyone else?

It makes lots of sense. I was talking about it on my thread just a few days ago!

I think that the number one thing that you can do to detach is stop contacting him, stop checking on him, stop constantly worrying about what hes doing and who hes doing it with. And of course, getting out and doing some things for yourself! The less contact you have with him, the better you will feel.

I think that the anger is totally normal too. Dont feel bad about it, just let it pass. And I absolutely beleive that he notices. They notice everything!

So, its almost wednesday, do you have some friends that you could plan a night out with? Fun, just you and your friends, get a babysitter for the baby and let yourself have some fun.

Get dressed up and let the hotties look ogle you!