Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Help - Husband in MLC

Thanks LR and Dia

I have remained upbeat, happy and casual (hard though when you have that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and you think oh s$#%t how am I going to DB this one). I haven't changed my attitude or mannerisms toward H, all that has remained the same. I keep telling myself it isn't my fault and that H had every chance to say something earlier if it wasn't for him instead he obviously let it fester away in his mind until wham he hits me with it Friday.

You are so right LR about being here till you drop tonight. That is why I found it important to remain here once things improved as you never know what hiccups await and I think still remaining connected with those that have come to understand us so well is important for getting through the tough times.

I think its great folks like you and Dia stay it, not only does it help us with the bumpy starts, gives us hope for our futures but also allows us to learn for when its our turn, if you all cut and run no one would know how to handle phase B!

((())) for the sick pit feeling, I'll swap you mine for yours lol x

Hi LR

Yes, I really think it is important to hang around and help out as we have been helped because hell, you never know when hiccups are going to strike and you need those wise friends again. I think DBing is a forever learning process, as new challenges arise.

Well, H just sends me a text to say that he told the agent we would not be buying the holiday house. He told me it might be too complicated. Do I take this as a negative as far as our R goes or do I take it that he just thinks the transaction would be complicated?

IMHO, don't take it either way. (mind-reading)

As much as I'm sure it was a great place, real-estate transactions are stressful and a new reconciliation probably benefits from as little stress as possible for the first few months.

Thanks Dia, it's just that he didn't even ask me if I still wanted to go ahead with it, he just made the decision for both of us.

You are probably right though. Must not over think.

I'm hoping that is unusual.

My bet is that it is about the relationship. The way he is flipping around reminds me of Sept. He moved out, then asked you to the BBQ, then didn't want to go to the BBQ etc. Now he initiates fantasy play, then gets upset about it. Says he is going away alone for the weekend and then asks you to come Sunday. You are doing a great job of staying steady and calm. Be prepared for him to try to zing you again.

It is unusual Dudess, I am thinking that perhaps he is reluctant as we were ready to buy it last weekend but the agent didn't have the required paperwork. If you don't buy straight away you tend to go a bit cold on the property the longer it takes.

I am also thinking that given we have to also settle on a block of land we purchased 18 months ago very soon, he could be thinking that we need to watch our money a bit first, deal with the land and whether we are going to build or not. He could be thinking another financial committment on top of that is not what we need right now.

BUT I will be prepared for any other little out of the blue actions on his part and try to maintain that steady calm approach.

H has found out his nephew from Perth is in Melbourne for the Melbourne Cup tomorrow. He said he might be having dinner with him and asked if I would like to drive into town after work to join them.

If he was angry or still upset over said "issue", would he have invited me? His nephew is his favourite and the last time we saw him was when he was about 7 that was 20 something years ago.

I think I should take this as a positive????

No way to know; that's engaging in mind reading again.



Yes. It's up to you if you want to go.