Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Tired of the game

yup, definitely can't look puffy! Tomorrow it is!

Julia, you are a good person. I'm glad you like who you see when you look in the mirror!

Thank you Jeff That's so lovely of you to say.

BTW, I am sending the form in the post to him. If he doesn't sign it I will get my solicitor to send it. I won't be seeing him, he made his bed and he can lie in it.

((((((((((((((((((((Julia))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Huge hugs to you sweetie! I know this isn't what you wanted the outcome of this journey to be, but as you said, you did all you could to save your M. You can't do that by yourself and your stbxh made his proverbial bed.

I hope you have a wonderful time tonight and then have a long overdue crying jag tomorrow and get it out of your system.

It is good to get a no nonsense perspective sometimes and great that it meshed already with where you were. Just hearing someone else say it helps.

Sorry that this is where you find yourself but only because it isn't what you wanted. There are better things around the corner, I promise. Lots of hugs,

kat

(((((Julia)))))It's tough but you're right; you deserve to feel proud of the efforts you have made to save the marriage.

Cas

Thanks Guys. Your words of support really helped me.

I have been thinking about the fact that h will probably try and contact me at some point, or me him, about meeting up unless I draw a line. He said he would when he got back from holiday and it has sort of been filling me with dread. So, I decided to take some control over my life and email him. I really thought about what I wanted to say, as I wanted it to be from the heart, and here was the email.


'Dear H

I've been doing some thinking of late and I have come to the conclusion that I don't think trying to be friends is working. Or, at least not in the way I see friendship. You have been continually telling me over and over that you are busy and I totally accept that. All those months back in 2007 you said that you had changed as a person and at the time, and for a long while, I refused to believe that, but I think we have both changed and I now see what you are saying. You also said that you couldn't live up to my expectations and that we both had different priorities. I can now see this is also true, and is evident even from what I have said above, so I don't really see how we can continue in the form we have been.

That being said, I have no hard feelings towards you and I hope that you don't towards me. I can honestly say that I had some wonderful, wonderful times with you and thank you for many amazing memories. I loved spending time with you and being with you but I realise, as you said all that while ago, we are now different people and that there is nothing left to give.

So with that, I will forward the last form re the (bond) and the details for (bank) (otherwise we will always be financially linked) and my solicitor will forward the rest of the paperwork.

Take care, always.

Julia'

So, no expectations of a reply, in fact I'd rather not get one, and I think he should receive the paperwork later on in the week.

Still, haven't managed to find those tears again. I'm sure they will come eventually. I feel a lot more in control, and although I don't feel 'good', I feel I have done the right thing - for me.

Julia,
maybe there are no more tears left? Who knows? You did do the right thing.
Stay strong
xxx
K

(((((Julia)))))

I have great respect for your courage.

Stay strong my friend.

Don't worry about the tears, I too have found that I can't really cry anymore. Maybe when this is all completely over we will find one last bout of them and be done.

We can both be very proud of our values and respect for our marriages in that we have given it our all to reconcile what is/was precious to us, we both have realized we can't keep trying all alone. Our H's just don't seem to want what we do anymore. For us it was hard to learn and accept. I am finding peace in the acceptance that "what is...is". I am grateful that my H and I have become friends in this process. I, like you, do not feel that I will be able to "be friends" with him once this is all settled. We have a S13 and I have learned over the past 4+ years to parent and get along quite well for myself.

I know I will be OK. I know that you will be OK.

(((((Julia))))) take care of yourself, the days ahead will be difficult.

Sanderika

That is an excellent email.