She is moving into her parent's old house. But before she moves in, her folks are putting new floors and painting. Currently, she is staying with them. Her leverage is that she is giving me the house and not touch my 401K, IRA's, etc. She told me that she is being very generous. I suppose she is.
Thanks, puppy for your reply. Do you think it's a good idea to go on these outings with her? I thinks she wants to do this so that our s5 can see that mommy and daddy get along. I just don't know how to act because I want to have fun, but I can't.
I'm very discouraged today. It's my 9-yr anniversary. I thought of giving my WAW a gift but didn't. We talked on the phone for a few minutes but no mention of the occasion. It is painful to be with her when we do one of our weekend outings with my s5. Can anyone shed any advice regarding if I should continue with the outings? It's painful and we seem to be two strangers that pay attention to s5 and not to each other. Even small talk is getting tiresome. Yes, she wants to do continue with these outings for the kid's sake. I need to heal but can't get away from her.
I'm sorry, Sam -- these kinds of "landmark" days are always the hardest.
I would suggest you send her a simple e-mail or text message, like "I didn't want to let today go by without acknowledging it. No matter what happens, (S5), at least, will always be a blessing in our lives, as well as some great shared memories. Happy Anniversary -- Sam"
Thanks, Puppy. But isn't sending this message go against detaching? Is she expecting me to acknowledge this day? Would she be disappointed if I didn't mention it? This day is really playing on my mind and driving me crazy.
Thanks, Puppy. But isn't sending this message go against detaching? Is she expecting me to acknowledge this day? Would she be disappointed if I didn't mention it? This day is really playing on my mind and driving me crazy.
You don't do it for HER. You do it for YOU, and because it's The Right Thing to Do.
If YOU would be disappointed if SHE doesn't mention it if you send it, then YOU'RE not detached. If, however, you can casually say to yourself "This feels authentic to me; it is The Right Thing To Do, regardless of whether or not she responds to me in any way," then you're in a good place, emotionally.
Everydays are easy -- don't do stuff like this.
Mother's Day, or her birthday -- is also easy, b/c you just do something from the child to her -- APPROPRIATE.
Anniversaries are always the hardest. Valentine's Day can be (and SHOULD be) unacknowledged. But anniversaries are the toughest.
You are right. I sent her the email. I need to ingrain the rules of detaching in my head, especially always doing the right thing. This also answers my question regarding continuing the outings with our s5 because it's the right thing to do.
Thank you Puppy Dog, for pointing me in the right direction.
So, I emailed her regarding our anniversary. She didn't respond to the email or mention anything when she picked up s5. To my surprise, it didn't get me down. Just knowing I did the right thing was enough for me.
So, I emailed her regarding our anniversary. She didn't respond to the email or mention anything when she picked up s5. To my surprise, it didn't get me down. Just knowing I did the right thing was enough for me.
Attaboy, Sam.
I hate the term "baby steps." I like to celebrate big hurdles.
I've been separated now for 4 months. I am currently doing the LRT and GALing. At the very least, my W is not as angry as before, but has not given me any signs of reconciliation, although she has not filed for D. One question I have, and I would appreciate any advice, is when do you know when to tell her that you still love her and still fighting for the M. Or, what do you say and do before it seems like it's totally hopeless? What if by detaching, she comes to the conclusion that you stopped loving and have moved on without her? Thank you in advance for any help given.
