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Britt54. Offering advice will help you understand what your learning. Remember it is just advice. It is freely given. And if taken up. It is a choice.

Do not leave that bedroom!!!! That is your bed, it is her choice to sleep there or not! Get out of la la land, it is time to fight this thing, and you do not fight it with kids gloves.

Burt

I agree with dburt. It is her choice. And if she is going to come there and then leave halfway through because she isn't "comfortable" being there. Then let her. Your feeling are getting put through a blender! She needs to sleep in the spare room until she feels confident enough that she wants to come sleep with you and cuddle with you and enjoy it and want more, not feel uncomfortable halfway through! How fair is that! I would be notifying her immediately that you appreciate the effort she is making but until she is whole heartedly sure of what she wants then she needs to sleep in another room. You are human for gods sake and this is not fair to you or her. Wow, where did that come from?? hehe

I don't know, but I like hearing it from you.

As PDT said in your thread, it's often easier to give this advice to others than it is to take it ourselves.

How are things going for you, Trent?

Hey TrentC,

I wanted to read up on your thread since you posted on mine today. I second SpyBunny's question. How are things going with you?

I will tell you that I made a mistake of leaving the master bedroom a week after the bomb and moving into the guest room because I wanted to be nice to my W. However, I will say that after a long conversation (no arguement, just a disucssion) last night I am back in the master bedroom. I stated that if my W didn't want to be in the R/M then she shouldn't have all the luxury associated with being in a M.

I know your situation is a little different (e.g. medical) but I don't want you to look back like I did and kick yourself for "being the nice guy". Bottom line is we all contributed to the issues in our R/M. The difference is everyone on this forum is working on themselves to become better people and they have a strong interest in building a better R/M than they had before.

Things are good.

She is back in the spare bedroom now that her mother has gone home. I am still in the main bedroom.

The relationship talk has been pushed to the back burner while she recuperates at home. It has come up a few times though, and I've gotten answers to some questions:

1) Why is she uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as me?
* She says it is because she doesn't want to be in the same bed if we cannot be intimate together, and she is not sure she wants that right now, esp. after our last encounter. She claims to have zero interest in sex.

2) Does she want this relationship to work?
* When she dropped the bomb on me she was pretty much done, but she says now that she wants to give this a chance. (I'm leaving discussions about MC or IC until next week, when she goes back to work.)

So my goals right now are to keep working on GAL (I was at a group bible study tonight: she asked me how it went, and I said it was good and that I think she might enjoy it), working on my 180s, and not pressuring her to talk about the relationship.

We've been able to spend time together doing things -- we went out and shot photos for her photography class, and went and had lunch the other day. No pressure and no expectations.

Here's the weird part...

She says she's worried about being physically intimate with me, but she will let me kiss her. I don't mean a quick "seeya tonight hon" peck on the cheek, and I'm not talking about a make-out session, but I do mean full-contact, lips to lips, 20-second long kissing. I think it's her way of testing the waters to see if she can get comfortable with me again.

One time she did pull away from me, and I did not kiss her good night tonight as she was already in bed when I got home.

I take these as positive signs.

Question:

I have no plans for tonight, and don't necessarily feel like sitting around the house to see if my wife wants to interact with me.

Any suggestions?

Bowling...That is where I am going tonight

Walk around the mall, go to a bookstore, any activities at your Church?

Don't sit there and wait for her to interact with you - Get out for yourself and interact with other people

I don't plan to sit around the house to wait for her to notice me. I'm just stumped for ideas at the moment.

I'm trying to stay away from doing anything that might feel like shopping for a new model. No bars, clubs, or anything like that.

There's nothing at my church tonight; there's a Halloween party on Saturday, though.

Bowling doesn't sound too bad, either. Must think...