Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Yikes! Need help, please.

I certainly wouldn't want them to enable his destructive decision to run away from his family. They're adults -- they should do what they think is right, but you should ask them to support the marriage.

I agree with Trent, I'm almost certain he's having an affair, and that he even set it up so he'd almost have "permission" to. It may not by physical yet, but for guys, it's either physical or we're TRYING to get it there.

Depending on how much you can stomach, I would either gather some intel, or I'd just move forward based on the assumption that he IS having an affair.

I'm sorry.

Puppy

Very good. He needs to know that he does NOT get to be "everything's normal Dad", part-time, while he's running full-bent away from the family. Either get yo azz back IN to the family, or do what you have to do, but you can't just keep coming waltzing back in, literally or figuratively.

Puppy

I would give a little more consideration to this one. My W walked out on me with half our savings. She committed to a 12 month lease at a pretty nice place (rent was more than our mortgage) and spent cash to furnish it. A month later she was asking if she could come back. Did that help her wake up? It definitely did, but it was one he!! of an expensive alarm clock.

My parents took him in because he had no where else to go. They were trying to help by keeping him near by. It was probably a mistake asking,

Should I ask if he's having an affair? Even if he is, he'd just lie.

Tristan, are you back with her now?

Hmmm. Back together? Logistically, we are back in the same house. We hope to get all of the stuff moved out of her apartment this weekend. We have recommitted to our marriage. But damage has been done on both our sides, we both have a lot of repair work to do. We are definitely not back to where we were a couple of years ago. However, I think we both have a better, more mature, understanding of our relationship. I do believe we can build a much stronger marriage from this ordeal, but it will take a lot more time.

This is a long road. You will need plenty of patience. It is extremely hard. It was the most difficult time of my life. But if you do this properly, you will come out of it a much stronger person.

Exactly. He won't be honest about it and he'll try to shame you into apologizing, so there's no point. Rule two: cheaters lie.

If you suspect an affair, gather intel any way you can (cell phone bills showing a lot of calls or text msgs?) but there's no reason to let him know that you suspect anything until you have proof.

Coming at it from a different angle....

I don't think you want to snoop until you are ready for whatever you find, and have a good idea of how you will deal with it. Otherwise you will end up action out of emotion, and you will lose whatever benefit the extra knowledge gave you.

From what I am reading, while I think is very likely having an affair, I don't think you are in a place where you are really ready to find any details.

Spot on.

If you don't think you can handle finding a letter or email where he and the OW are talking about how great last night was, or making plans to get out of town for the weekend, then you should not go snooping.

At the same time, keep your eyes and ears open for evidence.

Even if you find stuff he will deny deny deny so be sure you want to open up that can can of worms. If you confront, they will run even further. When you think your S would never lie, cheat, steal...affairs are temporary insanity I believe.