She said that OM was her friend; that he listened to her; that he told her she was wonderful; that he accepted her....things she said she yearned for with me but never received.
Hi, Dazed,
Your W just gave you a gift, so look beyond the crappy wrapping and see it.
And I don't mean breaking up with OM.
She told you very clearly what she wants. Should the two of you move toward reconciliation at some point in the future, you now have a checklist to work from.
Most of the comments so far have focused on affair-busting, and that's definitely what you needed to hear. Here's something to stick in the back of your head and think about when you're ready.
How did your W become vulnerable to the emotional attachment of an affair? As you think about this - again, when you're ready - you'll need to be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Was there something she wasn't getting that should have been coming from you? Listening, acceptance, attention, appreciation?
If no one has yet mentioned Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages", I will. It's a short, easy, and for me, life-changing read. It may well give you some serious insights into how your marriage got to the point where an affair could happen, and it will also give you an arsenal of tools to ensure you never get there again.
Cheers,
Dia
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I had to run home at lunch and ended up talking with WAS. She claims that she has ended the emotional relationship as OM is instead going to work on his marriage. She claims they do not intend to have any further contact. She claims that they never had sexual relations and that the extent of their physical contact was 5-6 occasions where they "kissed". She accused me of nearly breaking up a marriage (OM's). WAS claims she would not have continued relationship with OM (if they had not been discovered) because OM is married. I'm rather skeptical of that claim given that less than 24 hours ago she was professing her love for OM and saying that his marriage was over in any event.
I'm glad to hear you're skeptical. Because she's lying to you.
Your W just gave you a gift, so look beyond the crappy wrapping and see it.
And I don't mean breaking up with OM.
She told you very clearly what she wants. Should the two of you move toward reconciliation at some point in the future, you now have a checklist to work from.
Most of the comments so far have focused on affair-busting, and that's definitely what you needed to hear. Here's something to stick in the back of your head and think about when you're ready.
Her lawyer also became very aggressive and started to make noises that they intended to attempt to obtain a court order to remove me from the home.
This would be very hard to do. They would have to prove abuse, or make the case that your presence in the home is harmful to her. BE ON THE ALERT FOR HER TRYING TO PICK FIGHTS in the days ahead. Don't engage.
What does your lawyer say about the prospect of you getting kicked out of your own home? I know every state is different, but my atty (FL) told me not to concern myself with this, that it was the longest of long-shots.
btw, this just cracked me up:
Quote:
This is what her lawyer said about the other R: "As an aside, while my client advises that there is no doubt that my client is emotionally connected to a man, they have not had a physical relationship. While she has known this fellow for some time, their relationship evolved and they established a strong emotional connection after the separation."
This guy's got quite a future, writing "apologies" for T.O. and Roman Pulanski.
BE ON THE ALERT FOR HER TRYING TO PICK FIGHTS in the days ahead. Don't engage.
DITTO!
and if things seem iffy dont be alone in a room with her sit next to your kids, play a board game with them, ask them about school, etc. in fact, dont be alone in a room with her you dont know what kind of sleeze ball attorney she may have dug up!
She also gave you a gift in letting you know how OM stands. He is worried about his M. So that means.....if you needed it....contact to OM's W might help bust things up if things continue.....if required. OM worrying about his own M also lets your W see just where she stands in his priorities.
I know things seem bad but there are some glimmers of hope in the reactions you are getting from your W.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I had to run home at lunch and ended up talking with WAS. She claims that she has ended the emotional relationship as OM is instead going to work on his marriage. She claims they do not intend to have any further contact. She claims that they never had sexual relations and that the extent of their physical contact was 5-6 occasions where they "kissed". She accused me of nearly breaking up a marriage (OM's). WAS claims she would not have continued relationship with OM (if they had not been discovered) because OM is married. I'm rather skeptical of that claim given that less than 24 hours ago she was professing her love for OM and saying that his marriage was over in any event.
I'm glad to hear you're skeptical. Because she's lying to you.
Puppy
It's hard to believe how naive I was. For example, I was aware of this email communication from March of this year from WAS to OM:
“Hey you,
[Dazed] said he may go out tonight. I will have to make sure. I don't want the kids left alone for to long. Hope your having a good day!"
It sounds like they may have been planning to meet up later. Sure enough, our telephone records reflect that she placed a call to him at 5:00 p.m. that evening.
I remain frustrated/hurt/upset that she continues to lie.
So what's next?? Do I simply detach and give her loads of space??? She alternates between warmth (she solicited a hug last night) and anger (kiss my ass, [censored]) with great frequency. I am too easily being lured into R discussions (which simply enable her to reinforce her decision and declare the M over).
