Thanks Jiji. Found the thread a little bit after posting. Yes, I like my manicure. My nails are nice and shiny and purty. Helps with the PMA ya know.
May as well update:
Yesterday's developments while not what I really want to hear about may not have been all that bad. I still don't like how she said she thought I would be staring at her and such. It kind of hurts that she wouldn't like me having any sign of desire for her and not being able to understand it. But, I re-read Honeypots earlier posts and I think it makes a little more sense to me. She still is on course for the D. I reckon I'll have a little something for me soon from the courts. I don't know why, but I'm not all that bummed by it for some reason. Is it because I've built of my shields, is my sense for seeing light at the end of the tunnel despite crappy stuff going on(a couple examples of this was the time when my dad had his stroke, everyone was worried he was going to die and such, I wasn't feeling good about seeing him that way but in the back of my head, I knew it would be allright or the great tornado. A twister dropped near our house and we heard it coming, again folks were scared but I knew in the back of my head we would be all right). I hope I'm not just being a fool, but I feel something good may happen at the end.
Yesterday, my brother and cuz went to the movies which was fun(The Matrix wasn't that good). Afterwards, we all needed some things from the W's place of business. She knew I was there because she had to get one of my vices from a locked cage. She sent a silly message from her. I was going to stay and speak but I didn't want to crowd out her and get in her way. I saw her dart across the floor to do something so I kept heading out. I did see her "friend" but kept going. I was with my cuz and brother. They had things to do later and didn't want to hang around. So I didn't stop to rap to her. Later, she calls me on my cell phone to tell me she saw someone we knew and asked why I didn't stick around. She then abruptly said she was getting busy and said she would see me later.
When she got home, she was telling me how bad her day sucked. She then asked why didn't I stick around and she was looking for me. I told her we were on the move and I didn't want to get in her way as they were busy. The last couple times I've gone up there, she seemed strange because I didn't stay all that long. That's her comfort zone and I didn't want to stay in it. I don't get that one. Just 8 short months ago, she would show me off to her buds. My how times have changed. Sometimes I wonder if she feels easier talking on her "turf", wants the big manicured finger brute to be seen to scare someone off. Who knows. I finally decided to clean the garage out so she can park in it. She hasn't parked in the garage for months because of her crap sitting out there. I think in a way her not parking out there was symbolic of her desire to leave. She was happy with that.
Around 11, she decdied she wanted a fat cheeseburger and asked me to get it. I caved and did it because I wanted one myself and she was buying. She started a little R talk and then stopped just like that.
This morning, we had more R talk, she starts this of course. I violate the DB rule to stay happy at all times. She said she tries to remember all the good stuff but doesn't because it will lead her to the bad stuff. Again, I don't get that. She then said she's tired of defending me to people for which I said I was tired of doing the same thing. People think I make too many excuses for her. Who knows.
We'll see where this rollercoaster goes today. She's getting ready to split for work and asked did I mind if she could go out of town next week with a friend. She identified this friend as female. I guess I don't mind but I'm sure as next week comes, I'll wonder if it's a hook up with cart boy. My bro and cuz wanted to talk to this guy when we saw him. The W wanted to know did we come in looking like 3 the hard way. We're all big guys. I noticed since last Sunday's debacle, she hasn't worn any rings this week. She love her rings including the wedding ring although she doesn't wear it on the right finger. Any ideas there?
More to follow.....
BR's horoscope for today.
Is someone talking about you behind your back? You may be surprised to learn that someone you thought you could trust is spreading rumors about you. Then again, you might have been expecting it. so that they can take your place. The truth will set you free eventually, but you'll have to put up with a lot of people whispering your name in the mean time.
Chinese Horoscope. Not that I believe in this stuff.
You'll be in good form on the whole and you'll feel capable of conquering the world. The stars will take care of your love affairs, your happiness, your sentimental blooming as well as your projects of lasting union. But it is absurd to want to tell your loved one everything; keep some secrets to yourself. It will be necessary for you to work doubly fast if you want to be in time.
Are you going for a facial next? They really feel wonderful and make the skin glow. I'm glad to hear that you are doing things just for yourself to give you a sense of pleasure. Sometimes it's the little things that help contribute to normalcy when our lives go haywire.
A sense of calm can wash over us when we have a better idea of how things are going. There are still no hard and fast answers, but more of a direction than we had before. That has been giving me more peace than I have had in a long time.
I keep watching your thread and offering support even if I don't post everyday. Chin up, dude. Just think how great that chin would look after a facial....
Are you going for a facial next? They really feel wonderful and make the skin glow. I'm glad to hear that you are doing things just for yourself to give you a sense of pleasure. Sometimes it's the little things that help contribute to normalcy when our lives go haywire.
A sense of calm can wash over us when we have a better idea of how things are going. There are still no hard and fast answers, but more of a direction than we had before. That has been giving me more peace than I have had in a long time.
I keep watching your thread and offering support even if I don't post everyday. Chin up, dude. Just think how great that chin would look after a facial....
Johanna
Thanks Johanna. I thought I'd check the thread before the race starts. Actually, the W told me I would like a facial and should get one. I was thinking about doing it. Jiji Down!
On one level, she seems concerned about me and my feeling but not on another level. Maybe she's settled into that friend mode. Who knows. This morning she painted her nails and asked me what I thought. I told her my personal preference for her nails other than a hot red are dark deep colors. Before she left, she painted her nails and asked me what I thought. She knows that certain colors are turn a turn on for me. I don't know what that was about if anything. She was looking nice when she split but considering her comments yesterday about me checking her out, I didn't say anything. Looking back a few minutes, I think that may have been some kind of test to see if I would continue to compliment her. I was telling someone in an email how she had me out last night to get her a burger. They wanted to know my reaction to that request and also thought that was a test.
Who knows?? I think I'll shelve this stuff long enough to watch the race and get my soup going.
Blackie, I don't know what to say about your wife. I don't want to give you false hope but at the same time, I feel that I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that I said the SAME things that she has said, once we started to patch things up.
I could not stand to have him see me naked. I told him not to give me compliments. All of this was true, but at the same time I did not want him to stop. What I wanted was to go back in time to a nicer place in our relationship where I had never been damaged so much in the first place. Once it got to that point, I couldn't stand to hear the words or see the appreciative glances...too little, too late it seemed. I thought, How sincere can it be when it only comes after I freak out and threaten to end the marriage??
My H has been very consistent with his message (and behavior) and has really turned our relationship around. So it CAN be done. He is amazing and I know you are too. Again, I don't want to give you false hope but I want to put this side of the story out there, too, to perhaps counter all of the horror stories that you are no doubt hearing these days from friends and family.
If I were you I would calmly, and as detached as you can be, tell her that you will follow along with her wishes and not give the appreciative looks and words, but that she can't stop you from FEELING that..because that is involuntary. I wouldn't stop cold turkey because she will interpret that as you only doing it because you were trying to stop her from walking out the door. Make sure she knows that you WANT to be acting on your desires, but that you want to follow her wishes even more because you are a kind and respectful person.
Hugs,
Honey
P.S. Don't get anything waxed or I will have to stop being your friend. That is going over the line. LOLOL
Hey HP. I'll take any kind of hope right now. I'll keep my eyes and ears open for other signs. W seems a little bit lighter. She told me she was telling me she bumped into her attorney today. He asked her how things were. She said ok, she then said he thought he heard things were a lot better. I don't know what things she meant. I'm not sure why she told me she bumped into her lawyer. I bump into mine but don't mention it. She bumps into my attorney and doesn't know that's who she is.
Good words on detaching a little bit. I'll give it a shot and see what happens. We were playing cards earlier and she saw me looking at her nails. I'm weird, certain colors are turn ons for me. I'll try to reach a happy medium and ride that and see what happens. I was thinking about her comments today about wanting/trying to remember the good times but they lead back to the bad things. I know I can't help her to remember the good times but I wonder if there is a way to let her know there were some. I told her I could understand her feelings and I would do the remembering for us.
It's funny how I'm not all that mad at her right now. What a difference a week makes. This time last week, the sheriff was just leaving my house. She needs to stop being sexy and I'll be just fine. I hear her snoring outside my office right now and think back to me hating that noise in our bed. I wouldn't mind hearing that racket in our room right now.
I will let her know how much I want her but I will definately let her know that I won't cross any line she doesn't want me to cross.
I don't know about waxing. I don't have a bikini line so I'll have to pass on that. But, I think I will try the facial. It sounds interesting. I have a couple free massage coupons that I was just given. I reckon folks feel bad for me. At the risk of sounding more woman like, I may just take a half day and go get worked on. The W has always said I need to do stuff like this. She says rich guys do it. At least when I go to get this stuff done, I go wearing my macho punisher t-shirt with a huge skull on it, or my Nascar stuff. I am manly!!!!
A straight male friend at work is planning to go to the Xmas party dressed up as a fairy. We teased him about this but he just said that any man who does not want to get dressed up in drag must not be comfortable with their own sexuality. When I told my H about this he said that he thought this guy was "a little too comfortable with his sexuality".
But teasing aside I have always thought the perfect guy would be a gay man who liked women. Why does the Prince of Wales spring to mind, I am not sure, well it's not because I consider him the perfect guy (a bit old) but I do admire his perfectly manicured grounds at Highgrove. Anyway let us move on.
I do think it is a good thing to take some time for yourself. Look after yourself. A massage would be a good idea actually with all this stress.
I think you should treat your wife in a friendly but neutral way. I wouldn't mention anything to do with sex unless she brings it up first.
A straight male friend at work is planning to go to the Xmas party dressed up as a fairy. We teased him about this but he just said that any man who does not want to get dressed up in drag must not be comfortable with their own sexuality. When I told my H about this he said that he thought this guy was "a little too comfortable with his sexuality".
But teasing aside I have always thought the perfect guy would be a gay man who liked women. Why does the Prince of Wales spring to mind, I am not sure, well it's not because I consider him the perfect guy (a bit old) but I do admire his perfectly manicured grounds at Highgrove. Anyway let us move on.
I do think it is a good thing to take some time for yourself. Look after yourself. A massage would be a good idea actually with all this stress.
I think you should treat your wife in a friendly but neutral way. I wouldn't mention anything to do with sex unless she brings it up first.
Thank Jiji. It will be hard to act in a neutral way with the W. At times, it seems as if she wants me to carry upstairs and the other times she acts as if I'm a spider crawling across the floor and wants to step on me. Hmmmmm. I just remembered, she did stomp on a spider the other day and made a comment that was me. I guess I'm glad I'm not a spider.
For the first time in over a week, I get an email from her at work. It was just to thank me for cooking up something that she had a work for lunch. I didn't cook it for her(yea right) and to tell me she feels like crap. She also asked if I wanted her to pick up anything before she came home. I guess it beats a hate email. It's not the baby let's forget this D stuff and jump in the rack. But I'll take what I can get.
I don't think I'll dress like a fairy for Christmas this year. That would be over the edge even for me. I'll just have to enter the holidays with shining face and nice nails.
Quote: She told me she was telling me she bumped into her attorney today. He asked her how things were. She said ok, she then said he thought he heard things were a lot better. I don't know what things she meant. I'm not sure why she told me she bumped into her lawyer.
This is easy, she is telling you she has back off the divorce, she can't come right out and admit it.
Quote: I will still have to think of a way to get through to her and aknowledge the hurt that I caused. I just don't have a clue right now as to how to do that.
Active listening, VALIDATE, VALIDATE, VALIDATE, not to mention saying you are sorry 1000 times.
