Blackie Weird, weird stuff. I agree with Corri you need to get away. Your wife is behaving like a kid. It's as if she gives no thought to the future when she does or says something. You can't get caught up in all this sh1t. This is a serious matter and it needs to be handled in a sensible adult manner. All this weird stuff has to stop. Tell her you are happy to help out with the kids. Hold off discussing anything about the finances/ what will happen after D. If this comes up again say you will discuss it later and work out a settlement fair to all concerned.
At the moment talking is not helping it is only making matters worse. You should just stop talking to her until she is prepared to be sensible. Who knows what she will do next if you let this continue.
BR: How about starting a new thread in the Newcomers section? I think those people are more experienced with dealing with infidelity and can help give you suggestions as to how to deal with the alien who is occupying your wife's body.
We will all follow you there and offer advice too (you won't get rid of us that easy) but I think they will be able to tell you what actions will work the best right now.
Regarding the haircut, I am of two minds on this one: On one hand, I think she is testing you to see if you are still willing to work with her. On the other hand, I think she is living in this world where only herself matters.
Perhaps you could ask her: "Am I to understand by you wanting me to pitch in, that you are willing to reconcile and work on our marriage?" That is prolly horrible DB'ing advice, so before you act on it, be sure and stop by the other areas of this website and get some feedback from other people who are dealing with the fallout of infidelity.
Quote: BR: How about starting a new thread in the Newcomers section? I think those people are more experienced with dealing with infidelity and can help give you suggestions as to how to deal with the alien who is occupying your wife's body.
We will all follow you there and offer advice too (you won't get rid of us that easy) but I think they will be able to tell you what actions will work the best right now.
Regarding the haircut, I am of two minds on this one: On one hand, I think she is testing you to see if you are still willing to work with her. On the other hand, I think she is living in this world where only herself matters.
Perhaps you could ask her: "Am I to understand by you wanting me to pitch in, that you are willing to reconcile and work on our marriage?" That is prolly horrible DB'ing advice, so before you act on it, be sure and stop by the other areas of this website and get some feedback from other people who are dealing with the fallout of infidelity.
Hugs, Honey
Thanks Honey. I may just start a new thread soon. Just here to check things and give a new update as far as last night. W comes in at a time consistent with the closing of her biz. We'll see if that happens again tonight. She then comes in and talks as if things are normal telling about a new lunch menu I should try at one of her haunt. I'm not sure I want to go to that place. I've seen the member cards of the guys who own/run the place on the bathroom counter. I've always wondered about that. I didn't stay up to talk to her. I just decided to go upstairs and watch tv. Not much there. Other than her trying to get me to run the D around on Saturday, she asked me to contact a person at the bank to ask about a re-fi on the home equity line. I don't think I want to do that right now. I don't want to put my name on anything.
I did start going to lunch more and more with the ladies at my job. They've been asking but I've said no. But I thought the other day, I'm tired of not being friends with female coworkers just because W may get mad and suspect cheating or something. It refreshing to go to a lunch. They tease because I won't sit with my back to the door. They think it's because W may come in. She knows already I'm sure. Mutual big mouth friend saw me. But who cares! I don't. Saw a care that looked like W's in Burger King lot. She was supposed to be at Sams. I didn't bother to confirm it was her or not. I just kept going to Costco. Sams lost a customer not that it matters. We'll see what happens later.
I'm looking forward to the weekend. I'm going to hook up with my brother his lady, my cousin and his lady and go to the movies and maybe get a drink or something afterwards. I will be like a 5th wheel but what the heck. I'll be out in the world doing things. I'm also going for my every 2 week manicure. And I think I want to get my ear pierced again. My old dress code forbid it. But now, I want a change.
Quote: . I'm also going for my every 2 week manicure. And I think I want to get my ear pierced again.
Blackie that sounds very gay. Is there something you're not telling us?
LOL. Actually, the W encouraged me to do the manicure and such. She told me it wasn't gay. So there! Than again, she told me a lot of things. She was telling to get a pedicure as well. That would be over the edge for me. Many moons ago, I was chasing a woman who liked guys with a manicure. So I did it all the time. Another reason for the manicure is my former assistant does them. She's good to talk to. I listen to her guy troubles. She listens to my troubles.
May as well report developments while I’m here. Last night W came in late as in the past. I was in bed and didn’t really want to talk to her. She came in the bedroom which she hasn’t done lately if she knew I was already in bed. She turned on the bathroom light without closing the door and the fooled around in the closet with the light on. No reason to do that. It’s customary to walk into the walk in so the light doesn’t wake anyone up. She then started whispering are you awake. I tried to ignore her but I didn’t want her to come put a pillow over my head and sit on it. She then started talking about little stuff and then told me the big thing of her day was she came back from wally world and picked up the latest CD from her country man. I wasn’t interested but….
This morning, she did the same thing and stayed around the house longer than normal. I don’t know how to read the signs. I have a friend who thinks these may be baby steps and I should respond. I may do that. A little while ago, I had a feeling of saddness hit me. Intense. In the past, I would call around to see who it was or wait for my phone to ring. I’m sure it was the W. I don’t know what she was that sad about. I wanted to call her but didn’t. I just came from lunch with some ladies in my department. They just had to go to a place my W likes to go. The last nice dinner out we had was there. I then was sad. I can’t stand her butt right now but seeing the table and such brought back a good memory or two. Must suppress that.
Quote: Another reason for the manicure is my former assistant does them. She's good to talk to. I listen to her guy troubles. She listens to my troubles.
Gayer and gayer!!
Here is something I found on the newcomers board. I think it might be worth you starting a thread there.
The first small sign I often encourage people to look for is Ws ambivalence--swinging from cool or even hostile behavior to relaxing and even warmth sometimes. What's important is that you respond to either with a nonchalant neutrality. Otherwise in positive moments she may worry about creating "false hope" (which I consider an oxymoron, but seems to hold meaning for some people) and seeing any negative response to hostility as verification of her assumptions.
So, as the wise ones here have said, do your DB work for yourself, and let nothing you see or hear sway you from the course of self-care, PMA, and your sense of direction. Blessings, v
-------------------- Vernetta Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 815-337-8000 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with Vernetta - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Quote: Another reason for the manicure is my former assistant does them. She's good to talk to. I listen to her guy troubles. She listens to my troubles.
Gayer and gayer!!
Here is something I found on the newcomers board. I think it might be worth you starting a thread there.
The first small sign I often encourage people to look for is Ws ambivalence--swinging from cool or even hostile behavior to relaxing and even warmth sometimes. What's important is that you respond to either with a nonchalant neutrality. Otherwise in positive moments she may worry about creating "false hope" (which I consider an oxymoron, but seems to hold meaning for some people) and seeing any negative response to hostility as verification of her assumptions.
So, as the wise ones here have said, do your DB work for yourself, and let nothing you see or hear sway you from the course of self-care, PMA, and your sense of direction. Blessings, v
-------------------- Vernetta Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 815-337-8000 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with Vernetta - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Now is that nice? Real men get manicures. Don't forget, I'm a big gun toting brute
That thing from Vernett/Virginia was informative. It kind of says what a friend said in an earlier email. I may have to rethink my overall strategy. My reaction to her has been neutral. No "hey you're talking to me!" I'll keep that up and see what happens. I decided I have honor and meant what I said when I took my vows. Therefore, I put my ring back on. I'll take it off if/when this thing happens. Just because she's acting without honor doesn't mean I have to.
BTW Jiji. Do you have link to the thread this qoute came from? I'll check in a little later. I'm about to go for a beer or two and then MY MANICURE
Update: Last night, W and D come home from beauty parlor as I'm heading out for a beer and my manicure. Jiji, real guys get them.
W starting asking me where and whens of what I was doing. I just answered in general. I went out later with cousin and didn't get back until an hour a married dude should be out. Come in to find W awake and sitting up. I asked why she was up. She said she had to go to the bathroom. No signs of that. No water in sink. I think she was sitting up to see what time I got in.
A few minutes ago, do did something that was kind of sexual. I made a crack. W said someone has to do it... I told her I had offered before, her reply was yea right. I told her I would pay good money to do it in a joke fashion.
I want to jump on it but I remember this "What's important is that you respond to either with a nonchalant neutrality"
We're going to Cracker Barell in a few. I don't know if I should move on her or not. She noticed I'm wearing my ring again. Why shouldn't I? I have honor..
Well folks, I got my answer and thank God I didn't try to get fresh. Took W to breakfast. I just wanted to go for hot cakes. Not D or R talk. She decided to tell me how I made her feel over the past year or so. I validated and truly am sorry. She then said something like she can't understand why I would want her(sexually) when she doesn't want me to touch her. She then said that she feel uncomfortable in her pajamas because she thinks I'm watching. I let that slide and just listened to her telling me how I didn't feel like a husband and such. I didn't plan on dealing with this stuff this weekend. But what are ya gonna do. She then asked me if I had been served yet and of course I said no. She wants to talk about what do I want and such. But I don't plan on putting anything on paper. There were tears and such and her telling me it's over and how she hopes we can be best friends. I told her that for awhile our contact will be limited to the kids. She said and recipes for stuff I cooked for her that I will never do again.
This woman is all over the board in just a couple hours. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee goes the roller coaster.
