Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife out till 3;30 in the morning

Wife is very stubborn. I could see her say ya right and when I go out of town she packs my stuff up. When she first dropped bomb she was willing to go to Lawyer. She told me to get appointment and she would go.

I understand I'm already dead. I'm just not ready to dig my grave yet.

JJ

Do you play Texas Hold Em?

No,

But I see what you are getting at. I'm just not ready to call the bluff. Her staying out till 4;30 in the morning was unacceptable. I just don't know what to say.

JJ

i was thinking more along the lines of she bluffed you.

why do you feel that you are already dead?

The dead thing means what else do i have to lose. Today I'm going to ask her to go to lunch with me. I'm prepared to discuss 4;30 in the morning crap.

Should I bring up is there another man?

Hey if your not willing to work on this I'm meeting with my Lawyer.

I'm prepared to tell her to sleep on the couch when I'm home.
Since were not acting like a married couple. Why sleep in the same bed. I just need to line up my script.

I would appreciate everyone's advice. I'm tired of being in Limboland.

JJ

have you talked about this with her once already?


nope.


I think there are more effective things you can do then this particular LRT.


what you got so far?

Steve,

At this point I've said nothing about her coming home at 4;30 in the morning on Saturday.

I have no script so far. I often avoid conflict. I've been anxious about this and have not slept well the last two nights. I will not live like this anymore. Anything I say she will throw back in my face or redirect to something else I did.

JJ

Yesterday,

We hung out with he kids and went shoping for Hallowing stuff. She talked about painting the bath rooms and wanting new flooring in the family room. We also finished painting living room. She is the type of person that she wants to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. I time and place for everything but her time and her place.

JJ

my wife too. woo hoo,

the best success i had with mine was to no longer say or do anything. she got so pestered by that behavior, it must have been the fact that i was no longer taking the relationship temperature, if that is the correct phrase, that she started bringing it up. It was by that time that I had the WAS attitude. And I listened, did nt really feel I needed to validate anything, and was able to respond with you are right this isnt working out. Subsequent conversations, I used the phrases, I love you but I'm not in love with you, and, It's not you, It's me I have not been happy in this relationship for along time, i'm not looking to be in love with anyone right now just myself. By that time, I had developed some new friendships that must have given her the impression that ol' steve had let go and someone was going to snatch him up quick.

WOW, that attitude and that behavior had more of an effect than I could have imagined. Now, my wife she just got strange over the years, got into buddism, witchcraft, hanging out with some weird friends and on top of that started getting really mean towards me and my daughter. She would hang out all night with her friends and when she was home some nights lock herself in her room and chant some weirdo nonsense. I was Mister Nice Guy all around, I had let her take as much time as she needed to "find herself" until it started to seriously effect our homelife.

It was the turning the tables and imposing "limboland" on her that I think had her thinking about what is going on. I had nothing to say about the relationship. In my mind there really isnt one. I took no direction to try to work on the relationship; what for, this is a time to work on myself. I had realize I had been let down, my needs werent being met, and I had tried everything and she just didnt get it that i just shut down and wanted out.

I hope some of that makes sense to you.

Steve,

I agree with this. When I was using this strategy it was working very well. I need to stop worrying about her. If she is out to 3:30 or seeing other man. Nothing I'm going to say or do is going to change that.

Going dark inside the relationship is a great strategy. I'm not arguing with you. I'm giving you what you are giving me. Nothing! Your right there is no relationship so why say anything. I can't say to much because of my past history. I've seen zero results I'm going to just shut down. Avoid her and let her see my back. Why look for lunch or her sleeping in bed with me. I need to detach and stop caring. If she wants to sleep on the couch great. If she wants to stay out with her friends great. Om or no other man. I won't know and can't find out unless I hire a PI.

Take control of my thoughts, my actions, and avoid relationship talk, complaining to her about being out til 3:00 to 4 in the morning. Stop worrying about her and get rolling on me.

She is not willing to listen. So I should allow her to enjoy the silence.

I reek of worry and fear right now. I should act as if a WAS.

If she texts me not text back. If she talks to me make eye contact and nod my head.

Steve my wife stopped wearing her rings back in June. I've thought about taking mine off. Stop whining and start living. She still takes care of the kids. I'm going to start saving for an attorney.

I think we need to discuss more the Limboland reversal. I need to move on.

What things can I do to show that.

Thanks

JJ