Don't push the suggestive stuff too much, she might not feel comfortable receiving so much of that type of attention from you in such a brief period of time. Ease up a bit and show other positive things to her at the same time. I know that you want to show her that you are interested again, but go slowly for both of you. You may have to slow this pony down yourself.
You have a lot going on with her "friend," her incredible teasing right now that is driving you nuts, and your mind is blowing form all of the mixed signals that you are getting from her. Seems like she wants to try to make you jealous with the teasing and "friend" situation. I don't think that is fair to you. She is unsure of what she wants, but almost seems as if she wants to torture you. Very dangerous for you right now, so try to take it slower. Be careful that her games don't get to you, because it already sounds like they are. Patience even though you would rather not right now. Too much conflicting stuff going on to see clearly.
Jiji and Johanna. Point well taken. I don't want to scare her off or worse yet make her think I'm trying to use her. I'm at a loss for romantic stuff. She works a second job and comes in right around the time I'm about to go to bed. This in it's self is one of our major problems. Any ideas. I'm hopeful that there was some type of break through on Sunday but.... I bumped into her best friend this morning, I told her about the honey slip. She seemed excited.
To be honest, it felt good to be called honey again. Now, if I can get her to call me babe or Big Daddy (not what you're thinking. I stand 6'2" and weigh in at an new 280lbs. Then again, what you think IMHO is true too ) again that would be too cool. We'll see. It's amazing how those little things didn't mean anything but now are treasures. I keep her mundane emails just for the heck of it. Or at least the ones with good tone.
What romantic things did you do when you first started dating? Small gestures mean a lot to us female types. There are tons of suggestion about romance and dating on the web, might not hurt to look some over and get ideas. Slow and gentle would be good.
Be careful of the games that she is playing with you though.
Ok, Blackie, you know that I am your biggest fan and am pulling for you sooo hard but you are going to get blasted right now--prepare yourself, man! lol
So this is what's going thru your wife's mind: "He didn't want me all those years and all of a sudden he does. He's just trying to get me back and then he will revert right back to his old behavior. I am so ANGRY at him for the rejection and I want to punish him for it severely. How do I know that he is sincere? WHY WHY WHY does he want me now, when he didn't want me then? I am the same person! I am afraid to trust him."
If you rush her, or in any way give off a vibe that says that you are getting impatient, you will set yourself back a million steps. She will get indignant and think to herself "Well HE made me wait indefinitely and now that HE decides that he's horny, I'm supposed to just melt into his arms?!"
Look, the hurt and destruction that occurs when one's sexual self is destroyed is very very deep and quite hard to re-build. If my husband had ever acted impatient or as if I didn't have a right to feel as I did, I don't know what would have happened.
So stay cool and continue to act as you are--horny and loving. It seems to be having an effect on her; how could it not! You are doing so well, don't let impatience drive you to do something that will push her away.
Have you given any thought to what kinds of things you are going to do to make this feeling a permanent thing in Blackrook's personality? Cause it would be awful sad if you got her back, only to find the horny feelings disappearing as soon as things are secure again. Make a plan, get some goals going, and I KNOW you will be successful!
Also, once you have thought it through and decided what sorts of changes you are willing to make, do you think your wife would be interested in hearing them? If you were to say, "Honey I know this was the primary reason for you wanting the D, and these are the changes that I am going to make. (and then outline them) This has been a wake up call for me, and I realize that no matter what happens with us, I need to be a better person. If these changes were to happen, would that change the way you felt about our R?"
Here was my personal list of changes that my H made, just to help you see what it was that I wanted out of our sexual relationship: 1. Be more passionate--show me signs OUTSIDE the bedroom that you find me sexy and attractive. 2. If you feel uncomfortable behaving like this in front of the kids, whisper it in my ear or send me emails. 3. Act excited about the idea of making love to me. 4. Up the frequency of our love making. 5. Do something different once in a while that I'm not expecting. i.e., climb in the shower with me, kiss me passionately when no one is looking, request lingerie, etc.
Blackie, he has done all this and more. I know that you would be the same way...you could far exceed her expectations. I am really thrilled with the progress we have made together. The above list might not apply to you at all, but I am including it so that you can see that she will need hard evidence before she begins to trust you. She will need to know exactly HOW you plan on being different because simply saying, I will do better in the future, is NOT going to cut it with her.
I think you are doing so well. Keep up the good work and being a sexy and attractive guy and she will find it irresistable!
Thanks guys. Johanna the other day when we were heading out, I thought, I used to hold the door open for her and closed it back when. I know that's not romantic but it was just something I did. Let's see, romantic, I would remember most occasions, not the Hallmark Days with some type of present. Big balloon with some type of stuffed creature in it. Back then, we used to get at it anywhere as soon as the kids were sleep. We used to go out of town on trips. I used to take her flying. Most of all, we SPENT TIME TOGETHER. I think I need to think of a few more romantic things and be prepared.
Honey, thanks for pulling for me.
I think my primary change will be to show her I love and care for her just by holding her. She's a hugger and I'm not. Just this time last year, I would run from the hugs. She used to like to just be held while watching tv in a non sexual way. My next change would be not to hold grudges against her. I would tell her that I will express my anger but I won't hold the grudges. She say I talk down at her, not to her. I'll have to study on how to communicate in a way that would make her comfortable.
I will show her I want to be around her by just that. This summer, she took the kids to the fair. I knew we didn't have the money so she must be spending the tax rebate money that we agreed would be spent on the kid's need. As I knew she was doing this, I didn't go just to cut down on costs. She said she thought I just didn't want to go with her.This will sound dumb, but I would just hold her hand. I would be the strong gentle dude I used to be. Actually listening to her. That is to share her joys and help her with her sorrow. I clocked out in this field over the last year.
I would show the passion I used to show. We used to work at the same company. Everyday, she would clear her desk so I could sit with her and eat lunch. I would find reasons to go into her department until I wangeled a transfer. During those lunch visits to the cubicle, I showed a little naught behavior that I've cooled off on. We don't work together anymore but I would find places to do that naughty stuff.
I don't like doing this in front of the kids. Mommy likes to make it known that I'm excited whether in public or otherwise. That is she will make things happen as a tease. Come to think of it, before I went south, her just coming in with that Bath & Bodyworks apple lotion was all it took. There's a lot of that upstairs as if it were stockpiled from last year. She was trying to recapture that and I didn't notice.... Well now that I'm online that won't be an issue.
Act excited. I agree. At times, I acted as if it were a chore. You don't know what ya got until it's gone. Our schedule at one point was nearly every day in one form or another. Sneak stuff. We don't have a stair case or cubicle to try to make out but maybe I could take her for a ride to the runway at the airport. Act as if we were....
The shower thing just didn't work the last time we tried it but I get your point. I noticed she washer her red frilly thing I like her in. She did throw away the red high heel platforms. Or at least they aren't where they used to be. That may have reminded her of her "failure" to draw me in. I can kiss as good as anyone but I slacked on that too.
I don't know how to put into words that me from just 5 years ago is back and wants to make up for his absense. Again, I'll have to think on that one too.
All this talk. Patience. One of the kids told me she thought mommy was trying to torture me. She's doing a good job.
Today is a down day for ole Blackrook. Nothing major happened. W got home after I laid down for the night. She seemed to have a little 'tude this morning. I think I'll start staying up for her. Conversation limited this morning to the garage light is burned out. It's hard to be romantic with 20 minutes of rushed time a day.
I'm in a little funk also because of my own mind. Sometimes I feel as if W is having an affair. I don't know if it's emotional or physical. There are a few common signs such as a drastic change in underwear. She's moved to nice fancy frilly drawers. They look nice. I read and heard on the radio this is a sign. I could understand why she would. She said that she had considered one a couple months ago. The last time we did something, her physical status didn't indicate intercourse but she did have me do things a different way. My mind is getting the best of me. I have to admit, I did some spying I set up most of our bills online. I....looked at her cell phone calls. No pattern there. Just repeated calls to the same few numbers. I don't want to ruin my progress with this. As a friend here said, don't beat yourself up. Well, this is just a way to put my thoughts in writing today and get them out of my mind.
Addendum. Blackrook is not happy with the W now. School nurse calls to say one of the kids is sick and need a pick up. Call W as she wants to know everything that goes on with them. Everything. Well she says she will check with her boss to see if she can go get her saying she didn’t want me to have to or to do it. Her thing lately was “I need to learn how to do stuff on my own.” More D type talk. Well missy, next time climb your short but on a ladder and change your own light bulb. J
15 minutes go by. I keep my line open, no call. Break time, keep my line open no call and then another 10 minutes before I decide to call her number to find she has a voice mail saying she will be leaving early. No call to let me know what’s going on. Does not answer cell phone. I feel completely left out of the loop. No pushed out of the loop. Although these kid are step kids to me, I’ve been in their lives for 10 years when there dad wasn’t/isn’t. There are no papers that say it, but I’m their father and I think I deserve the respect of a @#$#@ phone call. I hope things go well. The girl had the nurse call me rather than mommy. She doesn’t want to be with mommy. In fact, if worse comes to worse, she wants to go with me..
Ugggggghhhh. I want to call and leave a flaming vm but I won’t. I would have done that in that past. I’ll wait a bit and try again and leave a nice message asking for an update….
Take a deep breath and let it out. She wants you to loose your cool and you can't afford to do that. I agree that she should have called you. When you see her let her know that it should be a courtesy to communicate about the kids no matter what is going on between you two.
It S**KS that she is trying to put the kids in the middle, they do not deserve to be disrespected like that. They are kids and should be allowed to have stable childhoods without crappy trauma like this. Even though the kids are not yours biologically, you still have strong ties to each other. Stick up for kids since they can't do it themselves.
As far as her new frillies. Sometimes you need an ego boost and a reminder that you are still feminine. Especially when there is a hollow blackness inside. Could also be that she just wanted some new things. You can have an A wearing burlap. I would be watchful but not drive myself crazy with it right now.
She is yanking your chain, trying to get you to lose it. You cannot allow that to happen at all. You will give her all of the power if you lose it. Come here for strength and advice. Even if she is treating others like cr*p, don't fall for that trap. Don't be a doormat, either. Patience is power. Breathe, deep and slow.
The underwear thing makes sense. I've also noticed over the past few months, she has started to wear new rings and other things I haven't seen her wear in awhile. I'm trying my best to stop the cheating thoughts. She must be on the don't like me cycle today. I called to see how things were and she was kind of short. She may have been trying to sleep. Who knows. I'll just go home with a smile on my face and validate and see what happens. I'll try to push a positive button. I'm trying to think of a way to compliment her. Cloths won't work as she's wearing scrubs today. I did call her my little doctor and asked her to examine me, but that was before this stuff started.
You know... I didn't realize the kids were your step-kids. Another thing that could be going on with her is jealousy. The kids call you first; they are probably defending you to her; she sees their loyalty to you, and I bet at some level this is really hacking her off. (They're HER kids, after all). Hence, no call from her when she went to take care of HER daughter. See?
Because she is mad at you, she doesn't WANT them to love you still, though I don't think she'd ever say that out loud. But since they do, they will continually remind her that you aren't as bad as she's trying to make you... and she probably really hates to have that reminder right now, regardless of where it's coming from.
) again that would be too cool. We'll see. It's amazing how those little things didn't mean anything but now are treasures. I keep her mundane emails just for the heck of it. Or at least the ones with good tone.
I set up most of our bills online. I....looked at her cell phone calls. No pattern there. Just repeated calls to the same few numbers. I don't want to ruin my progress with this. As a friend here said, don't beat yourself up. Well, this is just a way to put my thoughts in writing today and get them out of my mind.