Hey, hope you don't mind my jumping into the mix; can you tell me what it is you do during the day while she is at work? Are you still looking for a job, and the two of you are still living together? Do you have kids?
Do you mind giving me a quick run down again, because I can't seem to put this together from the posts...
You are in the same house? You are looking for a job?
Have you ever come out and told your wife that you don't want a divorce? I mean, recently? Or does the DB book say not to do that?
What is the game the two of you are playing with your wedding rings?
Corri
I am gainfully employed now. Thanks to God I got 3 job offers 2 weeks after losing my job. I'm at work now. On break of course. We do live in the same house. We don't sleep in the same bed. But that goes back to snoring issues.
As far the rings are concerned. On D annoucement day, I was mad. I told her to move it. She did. But lately, I've noticed that she has A ring on her finger. I still wear mine. She seems to notice if I take mine off. A few weeks ago, she walked in on a phone conversation with a friend. I was talking about the D. She then said "I thought you were ok with this, are you telling me you're not ok with it now?" Of course, I told her I wasn't with a D. Sometimes, I think she wants me to prove I want her. I know she has said that I only change for a couple weeks and she also said I've never apolgized for the hurt caused by our SSM.
I've been emailing her back and forth today. She sent something that had quotes one of which said "sex is like air, your don't miss it unless you ain't getting it." I just sent something back with my favorite quotes including something about doing a little leg/foot trick she likes. No answer to that message but she has answered the others.
Hmmmmmmm. I'll have to see. I want her to know that I find her sexy as all get out. I would jump at the chance for...... Breaks over.
P.S. I haven't told her lately I don't want a D. I guess I need to do that but that R talk. I just want to get her to open up a little in more ways than one.
After sending W return email with sexual suggestion, she decided not to respond to that email. She sent other and we had a light banter like pre D talk days. I know she saw my lewd suggestion, I think she sent that list of things that included the comment" sex is like air, you don't miss it until you don't get it" on purpose.
After awhile of emailing back and forth. It STOPS. This happens all the time. I think/hope she finds herself having a little fun with the kid and pulls back. Perhaps it causes her to think. At times, her behavior is what you would expect from someone reading DB/DR. I wonder.... She almost displays signs of LRT. Hmmmmm. More to follow.
Quote: I haven't told her lately I don't want a D. I guess I need to do that but that R talk. I just want to get her to open up a little in more ways than one.
Uh, yeah, that R talk would be a good one to have. No sense holding your cards close to your chest at this point, fella. Tell her flat out, you love her, a divorce is the very last thing you want and you DON'T want her to leave; you understand the mistakes you've made in the past and her frustration with you for only making changes for a few weeks; you see that now, and you are trying everything you can to change yourself.
Give her a kiss and tell her you hope she can find it in her heart to hope and believe one more time.
But yeah, I'd have that conversation with her sooner rather than later.
And yes, she is waiting for you to tell her, show her, prove to her that you don't want to lose her. Let her revel in it for awhile -- there is nothing more heady than having the man you love move heaven and earth to show you he cares.
Don't know what the DB books says about this, but what the hell, in my opinion, you have absolutely nothing to loose.
Quote: I haven't told her lately I don't want a D. I guess I need to do that but that R talk. I just want to get her to open up a little in more ways than one.
Uh, yeah, that R talk would be a good one to have. No sense holding your cards close to your chest at this point, fella. Tell her flat out, you love her, a divorce is the very last thing you want and you DON'T want her to leave; you understand the mistakes you've made in the past and her frustration with you for only making changes for a few weeks; you see that now, and you are trying everything you can to change yourself.
Give her a kiss and tell her you hope she can find it in her heart to hope and believe one more time.
But yeah, I'd have that conversation with her sooner rather than later.
And yes, she is waiting for you to tell her, show her, prove to her that you don't want to lose her. Let her revel in it for awhile -- there is nothing more heady than having the man you love move heaven and earth to show you he cares.
Don't know what the DB books says about this, but what the hell, in my opinion, you have absolutely nothing to loose.
Corri
I may just do that. But not today.Today I don't think I care. Nothing major happened. She told me she will be spending the night with the kids at a friend of her's house. I don't know what to think of this guy, he's married with kids, but who know. I don't know if he's the enemy or not. She's staying because she plans on drinking a lot at his party.
Old Blackrook is in a terrible funk today. I think I will go and do something for myself for a change. I have an appointment for of all things...a manicure. I think I will find something else to do. No Dbing or compliments today.
No contact from her today and the cold shoulder this morning. I guess every day can't be a good one.
I mean no offense, but blaming your wife's behavior for not clearly communicating with her is going to get you to the big fat NOWHERE.
I understand your hurt with her actions, but this is actually an excellent time to draw the line in a bit. Telling her how you feel is going to make you feel vulnerable, especially if she doesn't react the way you hope she will when you tell her how you feel.
But great rewards require great risk.
You've been hurt before and you know you can get over it.
Timing is important, yes, but EMAIL can be your friend.
You know what? I've been over on the Divorce Busting site for the last hour or so reading advice, etc. It seems that my advice to you is in direct conflict with what Michele advises you should do.
Now. Were I in your shoes, I'd be more inclined to follow her advice than mine, given that she's been doing this professionally now for somewhere around 20 years.
Soooo.... I shall respectfully bow out of your thread because I think, though I have good intentions, my advice may end up causing you more harm than good.
However, I will keep checking it to see how you are doing.
You know what? I've been over on the Divorce Busting site for the last hour or so reading advice, etc. It seems that my advice to you is in direct conflict with what Michele advises you should do.
Now. Were I in your shoes, I'd be more inclined to follow her advice than mine, given that she's been doing this professionally now for somewhere around 20 years.
Soooo.... I shall respectfully bow out of your thread because I think, though I have good intentions, my advice may end up causing you more harm than good.
However, I will keep checking it to see how you are doing.
I wish you all the best.
Corri
Although your advice contradict what Michelle says, sometimes my heart tells me I should be following it. She once made a statement that made it sound as if she were surprised I wasn't cool with a D. I don't know to be honest which way I should go. I may use a modified DB thing. Her main theme in our recent arguments was I don't change for more than 2 weeks. I'm working on that and she also has said I have never apologized for hurting her with the SSM. However, she has said my apologies are crap. So how can I apologize when up against that. Contrary to book, I'm thinking of writing a letter of apology. Not one that says come back to me or anything like that.
Your other point about not wanting to DB today is well taken. It's hard to contain my feelings on this matter however. For months, I've been shut out of her new friends on the part time job world. I'm not sure they're the best for her. The kids even sense it and have commented. This big event is going down this weekend and they will be gone maybe from Saturday till Sunday. I also feel down because she seems to speak very well of this guy. Yes, I'm jealous. Maybe that's the plan. Who knows?
We'll see what happens when she gets home assuming she sits still long enough rather than jump out to help her buddy get his place ready.
Yesterday and today weren't too good for Blackrook. W left house in some type of tizzy. I don't know why. Little to no communication during day. Left work early to do things. W calls and gets mad at miscommunication. Calls back in better tone and then tells how bad her day was and she was called into second job. After first call I was mad at her. After second call..well. W called again later to ask me to pick up brew for a party she will attend tonight. I cave and do it. Went for my manicure and had a nice talk with my former assistant. Told her what was up. Of course, she had advice. But she's only 21. She invited me to hang out with her girly girl friend tonight for a couple drinks. I think i will and then meet other friend for more stuff to do to pass the time. My former assistant is hot as heck. But I would rather have my W out with me doing things. I miss her Had sexual offer from girly girl last night. Of course I turned it down. While this woman(not the assistant) is also very hot I would rather kiss my W's butt(which she likes) than this womans lips. Blackrook just wants his W
W left for the day with the kids for a friend of her's cookout. As she will be drinking, she will stay the night with the kids. Trying to tell myself I don't care. But.... Blackrook is lonely. I'm trying like heck to fix this thing, but.... Maybe if I go out and get a life tonight, I will forget how lonely I am and how much I miss and love my W. Today, she paraded around with just a sweat shirt on. Caught me staring, I wonder if I should have gotten up and tried something What does she want from me. At least today, her and her friend refered to me as her husband and not the roommate. I guess I should take solace where I can get it. Blacrooks mood is as dreary as Indy weather today.
Maybe tonight will lift my spirits. It's a long time until the evening. Too much time with my thoughts. Well there won't be any tears in my beer.
Yesterday I went from nearly hating my W to loving her. Is she going through the same emotion sets?????
More to follow....
P.S. 589 views. Come on lurkers. Jump in and help the kid out
What does she want from me. At least today, her and her friend refered to me as her husband and not the roommate. I guess I should take solace where I can get it. Blacrooks mood is as dreary as Indy weather today.