Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Wife says she wants me to move on

Waking up the past 2 days hasnt been that bad compared to the previous 3 mths. Its funny how Im sometimes walking or working on something and it hits me that im getting a D. I started feeling like I wanted my W back, but then again I know things may be better without her in the future. I guess this is the process of detachment, sometimes you still want to hold on. I really wish I could get inside her mind, figure out whats shes thinking. I may never know certain things. The hardest part of all of this is the fact I still dont know what I want to do in the future. I have a clean slate to start a new life, ive been so use to making life decisions with my W for the past 11 years that now its time to do things on my own. Weighing my options helps, making the final decision will be tough.

update on my sitch:

Its been almost 1 mth 1 week since Ive had any real contact with my WAS. I asked her to not contact me unless it was important. She did come over a week or so ago thinking I wasnt home, but stayed outside. I went to see what she needed, she said she sorry didnt think I was home. I nodded and went back inside. She was still outside so I txt her saying to come in if she needs to. She left, txt me awhile later saying she was very sorry for coming by, she didnt think I was home, and she wanted to respect my wishes not to see her. It turned out that she did txt me earlier asking if I was home, I didnt have my phone nearby. Ive been doing a lot better, getting use to the "single" life. I still get lonely sometimes but its not nearly as bad as when this thing started. The last 2 days havent been very good though. I dont dream much but ive been dreaming about her. The last contact I had was an email I sent about going out of town for Thanksgiving and she would stay at the house. She replied and seemed very calm and "ok". The thing that keeps going through my head is the fact she really doesn't care about me anymore. Unless she is getting info about whats going on with me from other people, its hard to come to gripes that she can just right me off so fast after 11 years of marriage. I guess thats what happens with WASs. The comment she made in the txt "respect your wishes not to see me", the only reason I dont want to see her is the fact she is doing what she is doing, not because I dont care or love her. I really wish I didnt care anymore, things would be so much easier... I took the next step of moving on the other day, bought a bunch of boxes to start packing. I plan on moving out of the house to another city about a month before the divorce date.

On the bright side, Im going to be with family this holiday, many people who are very supportive. Im going to have a great time and eat some good bird.

update:

WAS came over last because she wanted to talk but finances. This is the first time we had a face to face conversation in over a month. Things started off talking about the finances then it went to the marriage and relationship. She made many comments that was very confusing, like I never showed that I cared about her, never gave her attention, and never wanted to work on the marriage. I am guilty partly on some things since I believe we both took each other for granted, especially the past 2 years. She said the marriage ended to years ago. She then broke down, telling me how unhappy, lonely, and depressed she is. She says I dont care about her, that I dont call or answer her calls. What does she expect if we are going NC? For the first time, she said she misses me. VERY CONFUSING. She feels that I havent pursed her or try to win her back. I felt I tried the first month or 2, then gave up when she insisted I move and and get on with my life. She said she cant tell if Ive changed, since we havent been around each other, that all she has to go by is the past. After she left she called and chit chatted. Told me sorry for earlier, then talked about everyday stuff. It was a bit weird. Then she asked me to lunch today. Well this morning I get a txt from her saying she wont be able to make it to lunch. I stayed up all night pondering whats going on, first time I felt bad in weeks, coudnt stop thinking about her. I didnt know what to do after she txted me, I was curious why she cancelled. I didnt want to respond because I didnt want to seem pushy. Later during the day I found out from a friend that she was upset that I didnt txt or call her about the reason she cancelled lunch... my brain is mush now...

So she called tonight and we talked. She feels she cant come back, that she doesnt think things will change. I cant prove anything to her, though I know I still have feelings for her. She obviously is confused and having second thoughts. She sent me another txt later saying sorry, that she has to think and feels terrible.

What do I do? Pursue her? Grab her like a night in shining armor?

Since what I was doing with her is "going dark", I posted the current sitch here
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1887092#Post1887092

Maybe I should have just kept everything in one place...

Lolal......I agree. I too didn't want to see it in my case and wouldn't even allow myself to let it be a reality (probably to protect my feelings) but in the end it was a full blown affair with my best friend.

Brk,

You are at a decision point. I didn't read your whole situation, but what I did read seems to say there isn't another person (if there is...they have to go first before anything else). Don't get overly caught in the "I have to be dark" world. It appears as if your wife reached out to you.....now you control the situation.

So what do you want? And if it is to rekindle your relationship with your wife...what are you going to do about it? I wouldn't recommend running like a mad man and smothering her. With that said..texting might not be bad. Emailing and IM'ing might not be bad. Open up to the communication a little bit if you want. I am sure you are busy, but tell her you would like to spend time with her. The key is (look in your older posts for this one) you may only have one or two times a week that fit in. Remember how hard you wanted to pursue when she said that to you. Turn the table around...flirt, but don't jump. Open up, but don't over expose.

The choice is yours.......I only suggest act elusive and let her chase you...not the other way around. Just be open to her chasing.

Make sense? and yes it does feel weird