Cathy, T2 had a lot of great advice and I agree with her. You said what you needed to say, now leave it alone and see what happens. Don't beat a dead horse. No R talks for a while. Because if you push H too much; he will run.
There are alot of great staeps from last night! Keep remembering the positives! And you had quit a few!
Well you know after all of the back and forth of the last couple of weeks with him, I needed to say it, didn't I? You're right though I'm done with the R talks for awhile. I feel LIKE I can relax and just keep on keeping on.
The other good thing was that my son went to bed on his own, without a fight. And you know why, because H was there and H won't put up with his games. Now me on the other hand, I DO and son knows this...argghhh and last night it finally dawned on me. This was another huge problem with H, he said just put him to bed, but no I had to baby son and H would get mad, it was a viscious, visciuos circle--I can't even go there right not, it was too ugly. I'm going to start using dbing on my son to get him into bed without a struggle! I'm tired of it and if H does comes back and I haven't gained this control it WOULD lead to problems again.
Anybody have any suggestions on to get H to visit/call a friend of ours. Our friend fell out of his treestand a few weeks ago and broke his pelvis and cracked some vertabraes in his back-in a wheelchair for about 3 months. I did ask H if had called friend and H said no and I probably won't. These two go way back. My freind KV, H's wife, emailed me and said "it would be nice if your H would buck up and call DV" and it made me want to cry.
Any suggestions? I don't want to push it with H either. If H could just get past his fear and step up and do this it would make a world of difference in H, also. I think it would end H's pity party titled "I have no friends."
Actually Garth's song comes to mind "I have friends in low places"--it fits perfectly!
Yeah, I'd stay out of it were I you, Cath. If anything (since you already mentioned it) let the guy's W call your H. Why should you have to pressure him to do the right thing?
Some people just don't know what to say to others when they are ill or injured and it causes them a lot of anxiety...could this be why he doesn't want to call his pal?
H is not coming over tonight, he said he has to work late. I said that's fine. Then asked him if he was still picking up son tomorrow night to go north, he said he was.
He is taking son up north to his parents this weekend and I'm going to meet them up there Saturday afternoon and stay over Saturday night. I did invite myself, but H said it would be fine, he was thinking of going out for some beers though. I said that's okay I can find something else to do, I haven't seen your parents in awhile.
I am going to bowhunt while I'm up there on Sunday I think...so this might be an interesting weekend.
My question is should I ask to go out with him Saturday night? Should I make my own plans to do something else? My golfing friend lives in the same town so I was thinking I'd ask her to go out for a couple of drinks...or should I just play this by ear? I really don't want to push H either way. My gf's son would watch my son for awhile if he wasn't busy, also.
Hmmmm...you'll probably get a lot of ideas on this one, let me be the first to throw a few out there.
First, how did he sound and what could you read from him (body language etc) when he said "I was thinking of going out for some beers"?
Was it suggestive...as in wanting you to come along?
Or was it more like a preemptive strike...like "just so you know, I have plans to go out"
Why do I feel like it was the latter?
IF I'm right, I wouldn't pin too many hopes on him asking you out...
How do you think he'd take it if you just plain old asked him? Could you put it like..."Did you want me to go with you for a few drinks? Because that would be great, but if not I can make plans to go out with...."
Just a tough one to call, since he's been so DARNED confusing on the whole "YOU don't want to do things with me" craziness!
First, he's going to have to decide to call his friend on his own, in the past I'd tell H that he should probably call friend, but H needs to do this on his own. I guess I felt like our friend's wife was putting it on me to tell H "you should really call your friend" but I'm not going there.
As far as the beers thing we were on the phone so I couldn't get a feel. I said is it okay if I stay overnight? He said yeah but I was going to go out for some beers. I just said that's fine, I can find something to do. I asked him if he was meeting someone and he said no. In the past if I didn't want to go he would just go on his own, mainly becuase I never wanted to go out for beers with him or do anything with H that involved staying up too late or having fun!
Quote: Did you want me to go with you for a few drinks? Because that would be great, but if not I can make plans to go out with...."
I'll see him today so will put this out there for him and see what happens.
Quote: How do you think he'd take it if you just plain old asked him?
In the past this is what I would do, just invite myself along and he never seemed to have a problem with it.
So you're right Shiny it could go either way. In thinking back this was never a huge issue, now it's like oh my god, I'm so nervous, it's kind of like a first date!
