You need to send your e-mail address to me...You'd love chatting with Deb, KK and I....you'll never be the same after one of our "talks"...you'll either laugh your butt off or get a good cleansing cry out of it every single time. T2 trying24now@aol.com
I LOVE the way you put your feelings into those statements, T2...Especially the "I'll TRY to be here for you...."
That's good because it's not a carte blanche "Do whatever you want..I'll be a loyal doormat forever!!!"...it's an honest statement, one that extends love, but not at any and all costs!!!
I get the feeling that the time just might be right for such an OR talk, Cath. Just from the statements your H has been making.
Now don't get your hopes up too high!!! But even if it lets him glimpse how things COULD be with you...well that's good!!
Got my haircut after work, H picked up S3, SS19 calls me and asks where key to house is, he lost his, I say oops I forgot to leave it. Call your dad he's around somewhere. When I got home H was downstairs, sons were outside. They were shooting their bows and came in when it was dark. I thought I'd make us something to eat but H said he was taking sons to Pizza Hut. I kind of gave him a look and said ehhmmm what about me? Am I invited and he said sure you can come...like it was expected of me. So we all went out to eat and had a great time.
H noticed my gas gage was getting on empty, which is strange, he then asks me why I don't have any gas and says stop and put some in. So I do mainly because I don't want to do it on my way into work in the morning. I get out, he gets out and says put in $20? I get my cashcard and as he's walking into the station I say where are you going and he says to pay for the gas!! I believe this was an act of service, even though I pumped the gas. He hasn't paid for anything for me in a long time.
We got back home, we watch baseball, messed around with sons, and then SS left and S3 goes to bed. H is very interested in pursuing me tonight, if you catch my drift So we are laying together hugging and I try the R talk..probably not a good idea to do at this point, but I say to him. When you asked the other day about this marriage being saveable (at first he tried to pretend he didn't remember saying it!) and I said I do think our marriage is worth saving. I know you don't know what you're doing with your life, that I'm not going to pressure him to make a decision before he's ready. I do tell him I love him and care about him, that I'm just trying to live my life the best I can until he figures out what he's doing. I didn't add the part about "still being here for him or at some point having to move on. So HE JUMPS UP and says he has to go. I said what did I scare you? He said I'll be over to see son tomorrow night. Originally he had said he was coming to see me first. So I said aren't you coming to see me? He says what for? Then says again do you really want me to, tries to gives excuses as to why he "can't" So he's in the kitchen and I ask again if he's coming to see me tomorrow night and I said think about it and call me. He then says you call me for once. So I kissed him good bye, thanked him for the gas after he paid for it and thanked him for dinner when he left. As he was leaving he said don't you lock this door at night, meaning the one into the garage from the house, we never do nor never have and so I haven't except for once in awhile. He goes you need to lock this and make sure this door is locked, also. Another babystep, he shows concern for my safety which he hasn't done in quite awhile!
We'll see what tomorrow brings, but I really had the feeling he heard what I said about R and that him jumping up was that he remembered OW, or that he actually seemed happy but didn't want to trust it too much. I don't know, but I get a good feeling from the evening again.
The good news is he's taking S3 with him Friday night to his parents house and keep him overnight. I have plans Friday night with a gf and Saturday is football game with me sis. I'll get S Saturday afternoon or maybe just stay over at his parents house.
All in all a good night! A a good night to all!!
Cathy
T2, KK, Deb, Water--I'm still downloading my instant messenger and it takes for ever on my home computer.
Quote: He hasn't paid for anything for me in a long time.
This IS a very good sign, I say that because my H was so use to ME always paying for everything (dinners out, movie rentals, vacations whatever that he never reached in his pocket unless he had to) NOW I can't pay for a thing if he's around...so I think that your H's paying for the gas and making sure you had some was definitely a PLUS. It shows his concern for you possibly running out or maybe not having the money (end of week finances) so all in all THAT little gesture on his part IS really a big thing.
As to the rest of the evening, or at least the convo about your M being salvagable....sounds like your H turned into Mr. Scardypants which is absolutely NORMAL.
Continue to keep things light now, stay upbeat and stay clear of ALL R talks and DON'T make a big deal about him coming there to specifically see YOU...if he says he's coming to see his S, then leave it at that...NO PRESSURE.
The paying thing, he used to ALWAYS pay for stuff for me and hasn't since he left, except for dinners with son and him. He also gave me some extra cash, too! I did tell him last week that I could use a little help with finances. Boy am I learning the no pressure thing and to expect him to run away and not come over tonight, which is fine. I I forgot to add that right after I said what I said to him, he said "oh your friends probably don't think that" I said "I don't talk to them about this"
We did have a very good night, I said what I wanted to say and now he knows and I won't bring it up again. I really didn't want to say it at all, but because I stood up to him about the name calling, that did give the courage to say what I needed to say last night. So that was a plus for me and if anything gave me a boost of confidence. I also opened up to him. In the past it's always been hard for me to open up to him, I mean really hard, I always knew in my mind exaclty what I want to say, but I could never get the words to come out or I'd talk myself out of saying how I felt to H because HE DOESN'T CARE ANYWAYS--mindreading. In looking back he did need to know and it was important, so this was a babystep for ME.
He did call me this morning and I DID ask if he was coming over. He said "I don't know I have to think about it" and I said okay, so I'm letting it drop and will not PURSUE the issue. I'm sure his head is spinning today.
So we are laying together hugging and I try the R talk..probably not a good idea to do at this point, but I say to him. When you asked the other day about this marriage being saveable (at first he tried to pretend he didn't remember saying it!) and I said I do think our marriage is worth saving. I know you don't know what you're doing with your life, that I'm not going to pressure him to make a decision before he's ready. I do tell him I love him and care about him, that I'm just trying to live my life the best I can until he figures out what he's doing. I didn't add the part about "still being here for him or at some point having to move on. So HE JUMPS UP and says he has to go. I said what did I scare you? He said I'll be over to see son tomorrow night. Originally he had said he was coming to see me first. So I said aren't you coming to see me? He says what for? Then says again do you really want me to, tries to gives excuses as to why he "can't" So he's in the kitchen and I ask again if he's coming to see me tomorrow night and I said think about it and call me. He then says you call me for once. So I kissed him good bye, thanked him for the gas after he paid for it and thanked him for dinner when he left. As he was leaving he said don't you lock this door at night, meaning the one into the garage from the house, we never do nor never have and so I haven't except for once in awhile. He goes you need to lock this and make sure this door is locked, also. Another babystep, he shows concern for my safety which he hasn't done in quite awhile!