Glad your conversations went well with H, even if they are confusing.
I will never understand that. My H will go a week with no calls, then ask me why I didn't call, then call me 3 times in a day for things that are clearly just a lame reason to call. Like they need a purpose instead of just saying Hi.
I liked your softball analogy too! Maybe there is a good lesson there too. I know when I try TOO hard at things like that, that is when I screw up. When I realax and have fun it flows better.
and three missed message on my cell phone and two messages on the answering machine! Whew that's a lot of calling in one day!
Quote: I know when I try TOO hard at things like that, that is when I screw up. When I realax and have fun it flows better.
Relax is what I need to do, tomorrow it could all go south again, but what babysteps he made today. I am worried that I will say the wrong thing and send him into an outswing for awhile, but they don't seem last as long
The sex thing Deb, I think they miss it and remember
Cathy - I think this is all good. H bringing up sex? Definitely good. Now, the biggest mistake I see women making at this point is asking for some kind of reassurance or commitment before they'll have sex. Don't do that - they can't think that straight yet. All they know is, they're fantasizing about sex with you and they're not sure why. Flirt with him. Tease him. Drive him to distraction so he'll HAVE to come over and sleep with you and be reminded how great it can be between the two of you. YOU become the OW he's having the exciting affair with.
It's good you got the chance to clear up what you actually said to him - I'm not surprised that what he heard doesn't match what you said - happens a lot, in fact that gap between what we mean to communicate and what our Ses hear is a big part of how we ended up here in the first place.
So maybe send him a short sexy email ("I'm wearing a new red thong from Victoria's Secret - just thought you'd want to know"). Then leave the ball in his court.
Quote: tomorrow it could all go south again, but what babysteps he made today. I am worried that I will say the wrong thing and send him into an outswing for awhile, but they don't seem last as long
Now you sound like me! My H called and talked to D, then I asked to talk to him. Good things are happening, baby steps last night! Then this morning, I start letting the doubts come back, but I chatted with kitti and she set me straight. Yes it could all go south, but isn't wonderful to get high on the feeling that our H's are making wonderful steps in coming back! Even if they take 2 steps forward and one step back, they are moving forward! So lets look for the positives. Take it slow, encourage more of the good behavior that he gives you!
Quote: The sex thing Deb, I think they miss it and remember
Gosh, I hope so, I sure miss the bond we had! And I'm hoping our H's do to! I remembering it being pretty darn good! When they say in the Bible; "and the 2 shall become one" that's how I felt when we made love!
When they said, "What God has put together, let no man tear asunder" I agree to that too! And that's why I'm here, I'm not giving up because I know we still love each other. God will never bless the A they are having with the OP! Heh, I'm on God's side!
Emailed my SIL (married to H's bro) about some tickets I'm getting from her and SIL said that she's been out was North celebrating her Bday. I emailed back and said H was north also this weekend did you run into him. She emailed back and said she did see H and H took SIL out to eat for SIL's birthday. Now SIL didn't say if OW was with so I emailed back and ask if OW was with him but SIL hasn't responded yet. We were going back and forth until that question.
Don't know how I feel either, kind of sad that H took OW to meet his bro and SIL and that H couldn't even share that with me. And now I'm sure SIL is afraid to email me back with the answer I'm dreading. H didn't say he was going with OW, but I assumed he was so the only thing that will make assume otherwise is if SIL emails back that OW wasn't there.
I'm really confused today, especially with what I thought were babysteps from H yesterday or maybe I was interpreting them wrong, meaning his saying "even after I've been with OW the last six months" maybe he was pushing me to dump him.
Oh I know she's not going to go away, but I feel like I'm being duped by H today. What a jerk, no wondered he called me so many times yesterday, he wanted to check in with me to see if I was still okay with him being with OW. I feel this is becoming a cat and mouse game.
Stop it, you need to not think of OW, you are letting her have control over you!
Quote: ow isn't going to dissapear..for now you just have to look at the baby steps and put ow out of your mind.
continue to do what it was you were doing that led up to those baby steps!
I agree, concentrate on the baby steps and keep doing what works. Like me you have to think of OW as a play toy. She is only temporary! Soon she will only be a bad memory, She is nothing important, so don't make her important. Soon H will quit seeing her so much and you will be his main love.
Boy is sure is hard to feel sorry for yourself around here...thank goodness
Quote: Quote: How much encouragement do you require? What kind of sign do you need to see before you can feel sure that it is safe to breathe easy? You seem to be looking for some full, final confirmation of a recent success. Each time you see a small, potentially significant piece of possible proof, you want to subject it to a battery of harsh tests. In the process of doing this, you are effectively rejecting re-assurance. Save yourself unnecessary heartache and headache. Trust what looks good. It is good! And success now, is about THAT simple.
Okay I stole this from LL's thread!
I retracted emails from my SIL asking about OW, I guess I really don't care. SIL thinks he's a rat anyways for what he's doing. Anyways that's what she told me awhile ago.
H just called for a nooner, I told him I couldn't leave at noon, he said "see ya haven't changed" he was baiting me, I said I do have to work and noon is too early.
He was on his way to bowhunt. He's rained out today. We talked about a few things, he also brought up something I said awhile back when this all started, when I was angry and spewing to him about "living on my own longer than I've been with him and that I can get along fine." And that he thinks this is now what I want, to be alone. I said it wasn't true and that he was just assuming that was how I felt and then said he shouldn't assume anything. How is that he remembers this, yet not something I told him a week ago?
We then started talking about bowhunting in November and that I might take a few half days to go and H said no you're not I'm going to be up there and he didn't want me there. I said "that's not very nice" and he then said "well you don't want to do anything with me anymore" you want to do things separate? This is not true either, he always says no when I ask him to do things. My head is spinning, I don't know what I'm supposed/not supposed to do anymore.
The football game this Saturday. I originally told him I was going to take Son to the game, but didn't think I was going to take him now. H said then I'll take him, I said that would be okay you can have the tix. He said what will you do, I said I can find tickets if I want them. So here's what I'm going to do, since there is a single tix next to the two I have if H does say he wants to take S3 I'm going to suggest, again, that I go with them.
I guess one thing I really noticed today is if he thinks I'm being negative about something, he reacts that way to me--putting it back on me? Does that make sense. Our conversation started out a little rough, but smoothed out the longer we talked.
I asked if he was going to see son this week and he said I don't know you haven't told me what you were doing and if you were going to be there or not, like it should matter if I'm there, it hasn't in the past. Well towards the end of our conversation he agreed to stop by after bowhuting if it wasn't too late and then he said tomorrow night. I said oh good I have a hair appt. so that conversation ended good.
I said good luck hunting and we hung up.
Am I doing something wrong, why does he keep saying I don't want to do anything with him??
then anything else.