Your H is starting to stick his head out again! I'm glad he is coming over tonight! Good luck and remember keep DRing! I'll be your cheerleader! BTW, I'm here and just set up my thread! I think I'm going to like it here too! i want to stay positive and you need to also! Deb Good luck tonight!
H just left after a very pleasant evening. He's going North to do some fishing this weekend, I'm sure with OW, but I really don't care. H is going fishing, when H fishes he can fish all day and I'm good for an hour or two but all day is a lot so I hope if OW goes she has other stuff to do. H only does what he wants to do, I don't think we've ever had a romantice weekend and I don't think OW would know what do with one either. There's something strange going on or maybe it's because it doesn't bother me or that there's nothing happening with H and OW. Oh well I can't put a finger on it either.
Left work early to mow the lawn. Stopped mowing as I was going to pick up S from daycare. H called as I was on my way back and asked if I was picking up son. I said yes. He said how'd you get home so fast? I said I left early.
H took S and they ran some errands, I was going to run errands also in the same area so called H and said let me know where you're eating and I can meet you there.
After I left the message I thought what am I doing, he's not going to call me. But I've felt good all day so if he hadn't called me I would have went somewhere and eaten by myself. BUT, he did call me and I met them for dinner. Son and H had already ordered. H asked if I was going to get anything and I said I'll just eat whatever S doesn't eat. He said no get your own and gave me some money to get something.
We joked around at the restaurant. He jokingly was accusing me of all of his problems, H said his celebacy (I don't think he's having sex with OW, I believe it too for some strange reason), that he can't do IT anymore, that I killed IT and that he used to be a machine, blah, blah. I said yeah you're a machine alright-tongue in cheek. He said what do you mean? What I meant and didn't tell him was that he didn't have any feelings or emotion...that was bad but I don't think he caught on.
He then a said few more things trying to put the blame on me for his bad life, what wasn't going right, --just like when we he was home with us--but it was more joking. I said everyone has to make their own choices, whether they be good or bad, you can't blame me. This was very lighthearted conversation, too. More joking than anything else.
I'm going to say this again, everything felt so normal, like we aren't having problems. Like he's just living someplace else for now. Is that strange?
Does anyone here remember or thought they felt when things were changing and that it was shortly before Spouse decided to come back? Or am I just strange?
H also left me some money for babysitter, wanted to know why he had to pay for a babysitter while I was out partying. H said I had son all last weekend...what does that mean!? Somethings about H will not change and I can accept this is the way he is. I don't have a problem having son all the time, but I don't think I should have to pay for a babysitter, he's still responsible.
I then said I might need some help with some bills and food, that I can't keep up. He then mentioned that I had a freezer full of meat and that he didn't see me learning to cook anything, since he left. I asked him how do you know that I don't to which he replied whenever I come over here there's nothing to show other than the goulash you made last weekend and the lasagne a few weeks ago. I said I don't eat that much, son eats pretty much anything and it doesn't make sense to make a roast for two people. It just goes to waste. He just shakes his head.
He does try to control me by his words and I think Shiny/LL you're right he knows this and doesn't like the power shifting and me standing up for myself. Or that he can't control me by his words, which I again did tonight at the restaurant, wouldn't let him get to me with his words and accusations.
Well that's it for now I think. I don't know that I'll be here much this weekend. H is going to be gone. I have plans for the weekend. Big college football game I'm going to on Saturday will also try to golf, Sunday I think I'm going to go bow hunting, BY MYSELF I might add--I'll have to remember to take cell phone into the woods in case something happens to me, too. Tomorrow night I think I'll have a little fire in our pit with son and me. It's a full moon.
Oh who am I kidding I'll be checking back later and also tomorrow while I'm at work.
Heh, girl! My H loves to fish and hunt also. I like to fish, and I tried to hunt squirrel! Bow hunting, great deal! My H can't hunt again this season , he got caught poaching. His GF took up hunting and she likes to fish Too...whoopeee!
Her first name is also the same as mine....uhm. But she doesn't look like me at all! Kinda skanky if you know what I mean?
Quote: I'm going to say this again, everything felt so normal, like we aren't having problems. Like he's just living someplace else for now. Is that strange?
Does anyone here remember or thought they felt when things were changing and that it was shortly before Spouse decided to come back? Or am I just strange?
Something is starting to shift for me too! I thought it was H, maybe it is both of us. I feel like something big is going to happen...uhm... I like to hear what all of you think too!
I love deer jerky! Deer chili! I made it every year during hunting season.It was a tradition. Memories...
We usually went on vacation this time of the year; golfing and fishing. More memories...
Ten o'clock you're posting, didn't you get up early yesterday, also? Hmmm I know it's tuff to sleep some nights especially when S3 won't go to bed!!!
H's OW's H died last Sept. of colon cancer and according to my H, H looks quite similar to her deceased S!!! She still keeps his pictures up all around the house, too.
I also gave me H a little card last night. On the frong was a jar full of faces with smiles on it and on the inside it says "just want to be sure your day is full of smiles" and I wrote have a great day! But I told him couldn't read it till today. When I gave it to him, he said what's this for and wanted to know why he should take it...I said becuase just take it and put it in your lunch cooler and read it tomorrow, or just take it and throw it out your window I don't care, but just take it.
I also told him to have a good weekend when he left and he said "yeah" which is actually a lot, usually he doesn't respond at all.
When he returned my cellphone call about meeting them for dinner, his "hi" was so emotionless, he just seems so down sometimes.
Right now I'm trying to live on the feelings I had for my H when I first met him and his buried good qualities and liking THAT guy, but if he keeps SHOWING more of his oldself, I might actually start liking him more for REAL.
Quote: Does anyone here remember or thought they felt when things were changing and that it was shortly before Spouse decided to come back? Or am I just strange?
I think we are all a bit strange!! but that's what makes life fun after all isn't it?!
I certainly do recall times during our sep while h was certain that he wanted a d...his comming and visiting the kids...if someone could have been a bird sitting in one of the trees watching they would have thought what a happy family.. ..I couldn't take much of that so I started to leave when h would come...then toward the end of our sep we were to take h to "a day out with thomas" (the tank engine) h didn't want to go but came anyway...again a day looking like the happy little family...it was shortly after that when he decided he was confused and might want to try.
Sometimes I have to take something to sleep! But it's been getting better.
Quote: according to my H, H looks quite similar to her deceased S!!! She still keeps his pictures up all around the house, too.
Well, that is never going to work, OW loved her H very much. He is just a substitute I'm glad to see that you and I have that in common, most people here have their H home right now.
I also told him to have a good weekend when he left and he said "yeah" which is actually a lot, usually he doesn't respond at all.
Quote: his "hi" was so emotionless, he just seems so down sometimes.
They are depressed because they are feeling guilty (finally), my H is acting the same way. I ask him how he is, if he had a nice weekend, ect. I never heard of anyone so unhappy about life.
This is part of one of the last stages also. I empathize for my H, but he has to go through this alone! It's the only way.
Quote: Right now I'm trying to live on the feelings I had for my H when I first met him and his buried good qualities and liking THAT guy, but if he keeps SHOWING more of his oldself, I might actually start liking him more for REAL.
Girl I'm in the same mode as you! I'm finding I'm liking my H too! Especially when I see the old H! He was over Tuesday night, took D17 fishing, bought her a pole. He was standing there cleaning fish, and I was really looking him over (he was clueless, I think!) Anyway, He is looking much older, getting a bigger belly, not shaving very often, wearing his clothes from when he was living here. Not new or different ones.
These are signs they are not happy with things, I take it as a good sign for me, he will be coming closer to coming out! So pay attention to every detail, those are baby steps also. Since DRing, I find I do look for every sign. It important to keep us going, knowing things are happening.
Quote: I think we are all a bit strange!! but that's what makes life fun after all isn't it?!
Absolutely!!! My H made a comment last night "that I was afraid of my own shadow (control!)? I just said Oh yeah I don't think so and put a little smile on my face and looked the other way...he had his "can't believe you did that look on his face"
Thanks LL...and it is VERY strange that we are the happy little family when we are out together.
To think a few years ago I had a real issue with people touching me and giving hugs, these are cyber I know, but I don't think I'd even been able to give these a few years ago either. I've come a long way...
H is happiest when he's hunting and fishing! So I know part of his good mood is that's he going fishing this weekend..oh you know what he said "I haven't been fishing all summer" baloney. OW bought a bass boat at the beginning of the summer so I know he's been using that...she "bought it because she wanted it" yeah right--my H a bass boat a few years ago and fished all the time--so don't tell me OW "just wanted one." The thing is H REALLY couldn't figure out why she bought it, boy was he foggy. She's living on her deceased spouse life insurance money.
Basically she's supporting him right now, he doesn't pay any thing to live there, he does pay half of our house payment though.
I digress...Deb--how is that you learned so much about MLC? Did you read a lot, have spoke to other people? Just curious as our sitchs are so similar. My H hasn't boughten any new clothes either, well at least that I see, he's usually wearing his work shirts which are the same. Most of his polos are ones that I bought for him.
I remember when this first happened and well before actually I couldn't sleep at all, anxiety big time. I was taking sleeping pills for the first month every night and then tapered off, now I don't need them at all. I find that a good nights sleep is essential to my mood, etc.
A woman in our city left her six month old in her car all day and the baby died--tragic. She forgot to drop the baby off at daycare. She was so exhausted from taking care of their 2 year old developmentally disabled child that she couldn't function. Her H went pick up baby at day care and was told the baby hadn't been there all day. My thoughts are, why didn't the day care call the mother to see why she wasn't there--I mean most people would call in if their child wasn't going to be at day care and what was the H's role in all of this? The woman had been only getting an hour to an hour and half of sleep for the last few weeks...hmmm something to think about as this could really happen to anybody with children.
I popped over to check your thread -- in a way, it feels kinda wierd being out of the mlc section, like I am in a different building all together! Isn't it great how there are great people all over this bb? !!!!
Just a couple of observations, but only from my perspective. Try to stop letting what he does or says bother you. You can not control him, but you can control how you react to him. I can give you an example from my sit. A couple months ago h was over helping get the kids to bed. He was very insistant with me that I make sure they brush their teeth before they go to bed! I was furious inside, since I was thinking to myself "Geez, I have been looking after them 24/7 and you try to come over here and tell me how to be a better parent -- darn you, be a parent and help out!!!!" but what I said was "You're right, I have to try to make sure they brush their teeth." I know that this is important, and the fact is it should happen (it doesn't always, because sometimes I am too tired to make it happen!). Then I come here to vent!!!! MLC is a journey he makes -- yeah, it can be a long time, but the reality is you have no control over how long it takes him to get through it. You can only watch him make choices and you can only try not to get on the roller coaster with him. It is very, very hard!
I'm sorry to hear that you felt frustrated over in the mlc forum. Some times it is very depressing over there! But just as here, there are some great people there and I have learned alot. However, stay where you feel supported! I will try to jump over here more -- sorry for the short post today -- our students are having a sports day and I have to run away to help out. I know you also posted on my thread, and I will try to answer your question a bit later!!!!
I'm rooting for you! And thanks for your support to me, also!
Quote: I make sure they brush their teeth before they go to bed! I was furious inside, since I was thinking to myself "Geez, I have been looking after them 24/7 and you try to come over here and tell me how to be a better parent -- darn you, be a parent and help out!!!!" but what I said was "You're right, I have to try to make sure they brush their teeth." I know that this is important, and the fact is it should happen (it doesn't always, because sometimes I am too tired to make it happen! at least I'm not the only one too tired, it's just not worth the fight some nights ). Then I come here to vent!!!!
My thoughts exactly! My H is the same way, you know the old saying "don't do as I do, do as I say."
It is depressing over there, BUT you're right there is some good stuff there, also. You for instance! With the way things are going for you I'm surprised you're not at Piecing. You're doing fantastic and I am the same state of mind that that you were...not if H comes back, when H will be back. The roller coaster isn't taking such big dips anymore, so maybe we're moving to the kiddy size roller coaster...that's a positive thought!
Your H is starting to stick his head out again! I'm glad he is coming over tonight! Good luck and remember keep DRing! I'll be your cheerleader! BTW, I'm here and just set up my thread! I think I'm going to like it here too! i want to stay positive and you need to also!
..I couldn't take much of that so I started to leave when h would come...then toward the end of our sep we were to take h to "a day out with thomas" (the tank engine) h didn't want to go but came anyway...again a day looking like the happy little family...it was shortly after that when he decided he was confused and might want to try.