leftandnowhy, Yes, I'm up early! Can't sleep; yesterday was an awful day! Read your threads and wonder where I belong? I don't belong here because H never said he wants to make M work! An old friend called me yesterday and her H left her last week. Called my H to ask him to go golfing with couple on Sat. said he was busy;sister and OW! So I did a bad thing and told him "maybe next year", that was like telling him to get screwed! Went over to be with friend and a neighbor on her block had tried to commit suicide yesterday. I can't sleep because my world is turning upside down. I'm just depressed. Thinking why do I keep trying to make this work with my H, am I wasting my time? If you get depressed in MLC forum; don't go there. I know how you feel, too much negative there. Tried to go over to hopefulness; but no one hardly posts there. Feel like running into a cave somewhere! Need to start thinking of positives. Need to start seeing baby steps again. Just venting. Deb
Too bad we didn't live a little closer to each other I'm always looking for someone to golf with me!!! H and I used to do that last summer and I miss it, too.
I'm here! My H HASN'T said he wants to work on our M yet either. But I do, that's the important thing. He did say awhile ago to me "why wouldn't you want to try to save our marriage" so subtely I think he knows and is in his own way trying..does that make sense. Maybe not as hard as I though.
I'm not good at giving good advice here or insights, but I think you're doing fine.
Quote: "maybe next year"
It is getting near the end of golfing season, so when you said next year it more than likely will be next year before you'll be able to get out again.
Is the weather there as nice as it is here? I'm in Wisconsin and it's going to be a beautiful day!!!
Quote: I think you're right in sensing a shift here Cathy. I THINK perhaps your H is floundering some because YOU are changing some of the ground rules.
He may act pissy now, but how much better will YOU feel to know you stood up for yourself (and in a reasonable manner), that you are demanding to be treated with respect?
Isn't this actually essential for your M to be the kind of R you want?? Perhaps your H is having trouble dealing with the notion that HE may have to change if your M is to work.
I think you are sooo right Shiny.
Hmmm...H have to change... Oh my, my BUT there's nothing wrong with H, it's ME that supposed to change otherwise why would he have been soooo unhappy....
Okay, okay, my PMA is a little high today!!
LL--it does help to take the focus off of H and put it back on ME.
leftandnowhy, Thanks for the support! I believe I will come over here!
Maybe H is trying to work a little bit on our M. Afterall, there are a lot of times he doesn't come over to see D's and he does "acts of service" i receive hugs. I guess I want it to happen faster so I need to hold back and take it slow!
Don't worry about the MLC. And don't listen to whoever said that your H is in replay. My 2 cents is; your h is in the last stage; where they go through all the stages and close the door on each one!
Aren't you excited? My H is in the last stage too! Do you see the "old" H? Sometimes? Hey, I'm a pro on MLC, so I will help you through this and you don't have to go to MLC BB!
I'm here because it is the most positive BB and I feel the best here.
Quote: Aren't you excited? My H is in the last stage too! Do you see the "old" H? Sometimes? Hey, I'm a pro on MLC, so I will help you through this and you don't have to go to MLC BB!
I am excited, but nervous, just in case I'm wrong. Wanting to be happy, but holding it back and telling myself don't get your hopes up, they might get crushed. No ASSuming or expectations. I did see the old H last Thursday, the guy I remember when we first met, not to confident in himself, afraid to give me a hug..this is what made me think that things were changing, shifting.
But then when I stood up for myself, for the very first time to H, on Saturday night, I felt I had set H back. BUT, I think it was KAW who said, if you lead he might follow. But remember you're ahead of H in that I've been the one reading all the information I can get my hands, H has not been doing that, so there will be some lag time with H and his actions.
Thanks for your help on MLC, so you do have to come here now don't you.
Cathy, If you are seeing the "old" H he is in the last stage. Hold on for a ride, because this is a rollercoaster ride you won't forget! But it gets better! Thanks I'll be posting my first post here today! Deb You sound great, you can do this!
It really isn't the first time, he's been in and out except it hasn't been consistent. I think the last time was when he left for his bear hunting weekend which was Labor Day. I gave him some goodbye treats and a card and big hug and a kiss good bye. He even had to stop at the house bright and early before he left on his trip to get a Credit Card and came into my room and gave me another hug and kiss goodbye. He was starting to come out then, but last week was really the first time since that time. So it's been every few weeks, actually.
Same here! H comes out, things get better and then wham, back in the tunnel for 10-14 days! Don't know what to do, thinking about taking more action, I just don't know what! Deb
I think like you said, to be very nice, stay quiet and let H figure things out for himself. That's really what I think my H is doing right now. We used to talk daily, but up until a few weeks ago it's not consistent. I don't call him unless absolutely necessary right now and will keep doing that until things change again.
It's funny how I can look back and see all these different stages we've been through in the last six months.
Oh my, my BUT there's nothing wrong with H, it's ME that supposed to change otherwise why would he have been soooo unhappy.... 
--thanks for your insights. 
No ASSuming or expectations.