Thanks for checking in! Started off the day OK, feeling empowered because I let her know how I felt about the A last night. As the day rolled on, I started feeling worse but that is becoming my normal day. Hope all is well with you guys today.
Gotta keep on keeping on!
-HBH
Yes. Those days were very hard for me. Just take it 1 day at a time. If that is too much to deal with, go hour by hour. Take time to go out of your way and help someone. Get some excercise. Take care of yourself; dress up, look good. My W told me last night that she was impressed how well I took care of myself while we were apart. And I felt better of myself when I was looking good.
Just wondering about the best way to confront. I need to do it Ina calm cool way so as not to get myself in trouble with HR. I want him to know simply that i know what is going on, that I have concrete evidence, and that I will go to the end fighting for my wife. I will not threaten him with it but I would love to leave him wondering if I am planning to take this to HR. My W will be ticked if I do this, would I be sabotaging my efforts by doing this? I have to think any woman would ultimately want to know that her H had the spine to stand up and fight for her.
Just wondering about the best way to confront. I need to do it Ina calm cool way so as not to get myself in trouble with HR. I want him to know simply that i know what is going on, that I have concrete evidence, and that I will go to the end fighting for my wife. I will not threaten him with it but I would love to leave him wondering if I am planning to take this to HR. My W will be ticked if I do this, would I be sabotaging my efforts by doing this? I have to think any woman would ultimately want to know that her H had the spine to stand up and fight for her.
I have no advice on this. There are a lot of relationships that need to be considered.
I have to think any woman would ultimately want to know that her H had the spine to stand up and fight for her.
High Schoolish but so TRUE! Exhibit your Testosterone!
Going to HR wouldnt be that good of an idea. It would spread throughout the company so quickly, it would be embrassing.
why not. as you said, take a walk over to his office, he already knows who you are but introduce yourself anyway and say, "Hi, I'm H. Mrs. HBH's husband and whatever is going on has got to stop right now." Then walk away before before he begins to act like nothings going on.
I have to think any woman would ultimately want to know that her H had the spine to stand up and fight for her.
High Schoolish but so TRUE! Exhibit your Testosterone!
Going to HR wouldnt be that good of an idea. It would spread throughout the company so quickly, it would be embrassing.
why not. as you said, take a walk over to his office, he already knows who you are but introduce yourself anyway and say, "Hi, I'm H. Mrs. HBH's husband and whatever is going on has got to stop right now." Then walk away before before he begins to act like nothings going on.
I would even add the following: "....It has to stop right now or I'm going to go HR and once they find out, I'll make sure everyone around here knows about it: your boss, your manager and maybe they can help focus more time working than chasing other men's wives"
Does anyone know if this OM is married? If so, there is another opportunity for exposure, the thing about affairs is they lost alot of their excitement when they're found out, the thrill of the affair is that it's secret, even the people in the affair know on some level that it isn't the right thing to do, they feel guilty, not guilty enough to stop but guilty enough to keep it a secret and doing something forbidden has alot of excitement attributed to it.
I am pretty sure he is single, he lives in an apartment near where she will live if she moves forward with S. He is 39, has a good job with a good salary so I think if he had a family, he would have something a little more permanent. Personally, I think he is probably a player.
Went to dinner tonight and was having a good time until..........
One thing W has been doing is going to another city to do personal interest courses and then coming home late at night (3:00 AM). She went to one a couple of weeks ago and according to the evidence that I uncovered, she was at OM's place until very late afterward. At any rate, she has been doing one of these courses on average about every two weeks for the last three months and I have come to hate it.
Anyhoo, tonight, she mentions that she has another one next Friday night and starts complaining about how it sucks that they don't start them sooner so she doesn't have to get home so late. I really had to bite my tongue and not launch into her that maybe she wouldn't get home so late if she didn't stop and sleep with OM on the way home. I am running out of energy with this, I don't see how I can keep this up. I have been hoping she stays at home so that she can see changes but I am exhausted and am starting to wish she would just leave.
I think she is delusional. Two nights ago when I confronted her about A, I told her that I knew where she was two weeks ago after her course (based on email evidence)and still she starts talking about that tonight like it was just a long trip home from the course that she will have to deal with again next week!
I have to think any woman would ultimately want to know that her H had the spine to stand up and fight for her.
High Schoolish but so TRUE! Exhibit your Testosterone!
why not. as you said, take a walk over to his office, he already knows who you are but introduce yourself anyway and say, "Hi, I'm H. Mrs. HBH's husband and whatever is going on has got to stop right now." Then walk away before before he begins to act like nothings going on.
I agree. I did the same thing 3 weeks ago by visiting my wife's landlord. He had been putting the moves on her and even pulled a couple of "peeping tom's" to the point that my wife stapled sheets over all her windows. Went to see him unannounced with my stepson,31 and very politelyi and innocently put the friggin' fear of God into his slimey ass. Gucci gave me hell for it but I found that many feelings die slowly, but protectiveness is still very strong.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
The main reason I can't leave her is because I am not willing to leave our house when this is her A. It probably won't matter though because as you have said before, she is probably planning on leaving anyway. She did say that before I confronted her about the A that she had the apartment lease papers but had not signed them because she was confused over the positive feelings she had but that after our "talk", she didn't see anyway this could be worked out now.
I could leave her on an emotional level if she were to stay here and continue A. I am pretty sure that she does not have any intention of ending it anytime soon at this point because after confronting her, I would have expected some sort of apology or acknowledgment of guilt by now if she did. What I do know is that she has changed her phone lock code (saw her enter it last night and it was not the same). Based on this, I would say she still intends to pursue A.
I do have one question, she is spending significant money taking personal interest courses and talking about how this could lead to a great and fun new career for her. She is very successful in her career (high paying job/trajectory for growth is very good) and it required a significant educational investment for her to get where she is. She has lost interest in almost all of her other hobbies as well. Is it possible that this is MLC?
