Hi, T2 made a really good point about going into the other room. I won't throw tomatoes at you. I really NEED the tough love!! and some 2x4's. I appreciate your dropping in.
I guess I don't know HOW to be close. My C is always harping on me to give him space and not be clingy, but where is the balance? I don't want to be totally not affectionate and closing him off.
Last night I came home and was really tired. (starting to get sick.) H finished band practice and sat on the couch with me. We asked about each other's days, he put his head back. I asked if he was tired and still felt sick and he said a little. Then he proceeded to lay back. I offered him my left over dinner-he hadn't eaten anything. I asked if he wanted to go to bed and he said yes. So, we went to bed and read, and went to sleep at 10. (early!) I just stroked his hair for a few min., and curled up to him and said i was sorry about our miscommunication at the bar. he said it was no big deal. Then we rolled to our own side.
Believe me, on the couch, many things were going through my head, like he's mad at me, he's miserable in this m., he blames me, he doesn't have fun with me, he doesn't want to be physical with me, etc...When is essence:HE WAS PROBABLY TIRED AND NOT FEELING WELL!!!
This morn we kissed and hugged good-bye and i told him ily. he said it back. Didn't talk about tonight. I'm not planning to go to vball since i don't feel well. I want to encourage him to go out with his friends tho if he wants to. It seemed to do so much for his mood. (BUT, i have to remember that he hasn't been feeling well for the past week and a half!!)
how do I DB if I don't feel good?? I guess I can still be in good spirits, no? Maybe if he stays home we could cook or order take-out and play games. My "as if" hat fell off a couple nights ago. I thought I found it, but it was crumpled.
I just keep crying (when he's not around) wondering if things are ever going to be alright and if there is a solution for my migraines.
Going home to the infirmary. H doesn't feel like doing anything-he is beat. I have to stop at the drug store for anti-biotics. Maybe we can at least have fun getting take-out and playing games. :.)
Help me be in a good mood. I feel less emotional now. Thank you all for being here. I've been thinking about you a lot and pray for you too. ...And miss you when you are not around...
I just wanted to say hi and hope you feel better soon. It's really hard to keep up the PMA when ya don't feel well. Try to take care of yourself and hang in there. God bless!
Last night I worked late and took home a pizza. H & I did crosswords on the computer and went to bed and read. He's still not being very affectionate. Think he is still feeling pretty run down. I'm kinda blue, but I need to not have expectations. This morn. I said something about staying in bed & he said he wished he could.
Tonight his band is playing out. Hopefully he will feel ok. Last time he played he was sick too and had he keep from getting sick on the stage. We haven't made plans for our Sweetest Day celebration. I was thinking about cooking steaks...This is a time I would ordinarily try to set the stage for something romantic, but I don't want to force it. But I want romance!!! I know...patience & discipline, right??
I'm sorry I haven't had more time to visit other people's sites.
Your still lucky he is still in the same bed with you, sometimes we take even the littlest things for granted. I can't find this post that I read but it was really good, talks about the Taker and the Giver in each person. Have you read it? I check back later because I have it in my car.
Hi Mike, You are right-he is in our bed with me...**sigh** i love him so much.
I am definitely the taker-please let me know where that is when you find it. & I continually ask for MORE!! sheesh! what is wrong with me??
Day is going alright. Trying to focus on work, but my mind is wandering. Just had a really good lunch. My head is not bothering me too much today. 4 more days til I talk to the dr.!! seems like forever!
Well k, this time he cannot be blamed for not feeling too romantic: no man (and very few women that I know) feel romantic and SICK at the same time. My H has also been sick this week and the most romantic he has gotten is not to kiss me in the mouth 'so that you don't get the bug.' Not exactly the stuff screenplays are made of...
And BTW, if our D gets the bug in question it will be MY FAULT because I did not throw away the bottle of lemonade he brought and our D drank the left overs (fact being the trash can is located less than a foot away from the spot he left the bottle on). So you cannot ask for logic either. And you cannot be mothering, but neither distant... Can't win.
So do not bother your pretty head over what you cannot control and feed him his antibiotics. Better look for an excuse to celebrate once he is better.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I find snot to be a real turn on!! ha ha...just kidding!!!
Hmmm...to the lemonade sitch.
That reminds me of a gripe...Why was it so hard for H to pick out a beer for me, when he can never decide what he wants to eat for dinner?? I feel like I make a majority of the decisions as to what we do/where we go... HOWEVER, upon many discussions over this, he says that he is easy going and that he "just wants to be with me." (what???) (this was ages ago) and that he wants to please me...
So, as Sage said, is he afraid I will be critical of his decisions/ideas? Or does he really NOT want to DIS-please me??? And wants me to be happy? If so, that makes him a pretty nice guy. But sometimes, I just want to be surprised or shown that he knows "what I like" or that he is thinking about me. Well, he does take excellent care of me in other ways.
I'm talking myself into appreciating him... oh, that sounds bad, like i have to make myself. how about, i am trying to turn a negative into a positive.
I came home and acted happy-go-lucky. That really seems to WORK with him!! we chatted and got into a little punching match. Why we keep getting into these physical things, i'm not sure. We don't hurt each other, and it's all in fun.
He left to go set up for his gig. I'm picking up MIL and going later.
goals: no obsessive thoughts-STOP act happy-go-lucky/be playful do some things to take care of me
think of what to do tomorrow for sweetest day. I asked what he wanted to do he said he didn't know. If I plan for hot ML, will he feel pressured? How about just warm ML? Or better yet, if I don't plan for it at all and it just HAPPENS!!!
Hi, It's me. I'm having a really hard time right now.
Last night the show went fine. Some guy came up to me and asked if i was K, I recognized him immediately as this guy I went out with about 13 years ago (never anything serious). We caught up, he said he is getting a D after 10 years, I told him I've been M for 2 1/2 and pointed out H. H was setting up on stage. Before the guy walked away, he said, "G** d***, you're still gorgeous. And on that, I'm walking away." (Perhaps he likes drama too! )
H & I get home late (almost 3) and go to bed. I start to fall asleep, think he is too. Kiss him, roll over. a few min's later he turns the light back on and starts to read saying that now he is wide awake. So I roll on my back facing up and he asks what I am doing. I say nothing. I'm starting to want to cry. I wanted to snuggle or ML and he didn't initiate either. He says he is no longer feeling sick. I say, I was wanting to snuggle. He says we can, that he thought I was passing out, I said not really.
So, I feel hurt that he hasn't initiated either all week, and here I run into this other guy that used to feel really passionately about me physically. I'm thinking, what's wrong? why doesn't h feel that way about me? Am I with the wrong guy? surely I could look up other guy and he'd want to be with me.
Now, I am really sad and feeling dissappointed in H. i asked what he wanted to do tonight, he says he doesn't know. I say do you want to stay in or go out? he says we could go out. there is a famous guitar player in town tonight and i ask if he would like to go see him. He says that would be alright. I ask if he thinks I am acting funny, he says he hadn't noticed. (I thought maybe him not being warm was an effect of me not being warm.) He was affectionate last night at the show.
I don't know what to do. I really would like to have a romantic evening and even kind of seduce him, but I have a bad feeling about the whole thing. I feel really insecure which is a really bad start. I feel like I want some kind of reassurance from me that he wants/desires me. He did not tell me I looked good last night. I feel like my head is really screwed up right now. I know it has not been long enough for H to see changes in me. I cried this week about my head, we had that icky interaction at the bar this week, and the last time I cried before that was the discussion about the truck two sundays ago (and I was very blaming).
I'm afraid if I initiate, I'll appear clingy. I'm afraid that he is tired of being around me since he has hardly done anything with his friends in the last couple weeks. I'm afraid if I initiate ML that it'll feel like usery. I'm afraid that if I don't initiate cuddling or ML, that he will think I'm not interested.
So...you know that you're obsessing. OK, that's good.
I'm sorry that you're having a tough time.
Quote:
H & I get home late (almost 3) and go to bed. I start to fall asleep, think he is too. Kiss him, roll over. a few min's later he turns the light back on and starts to read saying that now he is wide awake. So I roll on my back facing up and he asks what I am doing. I say nothing. I'm starting to want to cry. I wanted to snuggle or ML and he didn't initiate either. He says he is no longer feeling sick. I say, I was wanting to snuggle. He says we can, that he thought I was passing out, I said not really.
So this to me sounds like sort of a normal miscommunication/missed expectation. You think he's tired and sleepy and wanting to go to bed, he thinks that you are. You are looking for intimacy, he's looking for ?? Don't know. But then all this emotional stuff/expecations/ASSumptions/filtering gets layered on top. You want to cry because YOU want something that he didn't initiate? Sounds like a lot of pressure (on both of you) to me.
Quote: So, I feel hurt that he hasn't initiated either all week, and here I run into this other guy that used to feel really passionately about me physically. I'm thinking, what's wrong? why doesn't h feel that way about me? Am I with the wrong guy? surely I could look up other guy and he'd want to be with me.
Wasn't your h sick all week? I'm not sure you can count those days in your tally and yah, you ran into a guy who sounds very physically attracted to you. I promise you that you could find 100 guys in the next 2 months that want to have sex with you...but that's not totally the point, right? I **think** that what you're looking for from h goes beyond just ML, right...though it is one piece of it....
Quote: Now, I am really sad and feeling dissappointed in H.
So...I think I get that you're feeling sad...but I'm confused about why your "feeling disappointed in h"....
Quote: I don't know what to do. I really would like to have a romantic evening and even kind of seduce him, but I have a bad feeling about the whole thing. I feel really insecure which is a really bad start. I feel like I want some kind of reassurance from me that he wants/desires me. He did not tell me I looked good last night. I feel like my head is really screwed up right now. I know it has not been long enough for H to see changes in me. I cried this week about my head, we had that icky interaction at the bar this week, and the last time I cried before that was the discussion about the truck two sundays ago (and I was very blaming).
So...here's my two cents .. and I think you're coming from this space anyway...you will almost certainly be disapppointed and become even more upset if you initiate with h right now with all of you expectations and ASSumptions. It sounds to me like you're looking to use it as some sort of reassurance and that's a dangerous path right now.
Why not, instead, think up a way to have a fun, relaxed, comfortable evening with h where you BOTH feel good about yourselves? Where he doesn't have to worry that he's letting you down or not living up to your expectations in some way and you don't have to feel as though there's something lacking in you because you don't feel desired by your h right now.
Quote: I'm afraid if I initiate, I'll appear clingy. I'm afraid that he is tired of being around me since he has hardly done anything with his friends in the last couple weeks. I'm afraid if I initiate ML that it'll feel like usery. I'm afraid that if I don't initiate cuddling or ML, that he will think I'm not interested.
Ah, K, you're putting yourself between a rock and a hard place...if you initiate you're this, if you don't you're that.
Hon, you are as you are. And that's fine. You don't have to react to what you're feeling right now...do you know what I mean? It sounds like you're feeling a lot of emotions right now and are somehow looking to translate that into action. Here's my best advice I can give you...you don't have to SOLVE anything or BE anything right this minute or tonight. DO NOTHING. Shed the runaway thinking...you can come back to it if you want some other day...but for right now just allow yourself to not try to fix anything or be a certain way. You don't need to find out if h finds you desireable or if you are with the right man or if there's something wrong with your head or ANYTHING today.
Take a deep breath. take a walk or go for a run or figure out some way to release that extra energy. Go see that guitartist with h or see a funny movie or something. Let your h just be who he is tonight and even more importantly...Let YOU just be.
Decide to do nothing...you've outlined a no-win situation for yourself. Don't take the bait!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Not exactly the stuff screenplays are made of... 
