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What I have to say may sound rather ho-hum. But, nevertheless, I know of nothing stronger than you becoming the very best you can be. You have to find peace. You have to forgive yourself in order to move forward. I think your goal is to learn to like the new person you are becoming. When you accomplish this......then I believe some other things may fall into place. However, that old four letter word t-i-m-e. Time really does a lot for people if they will allow it to work "for" them and not against them.

I would think that your H needs space from you. Everyone has to heal in their own way, and their own time.....and hopefully, he will do that. As he sees you a minute or two at a time, he'll begin to see the wonderful woman you've become and it will tug at his heart strings. If your H is the man you need....then he will be able to find forgiveness and build a future with you. But if he isn't able to move past the hurt....and find forgiveness, then he is not the man you need to spend your life with.

I want you to remember something.....even though you committed a terrible wrong......you still have value. Don't settle for "less" in your life due to the fact that you made a bad mistake. You saw your wrong and you stopped it and are remorseful. You want to grow and improve as a human being. By the letter you wrote to your H.....you have so much love to give, so be careful with it, okay? Some man (hopefully, your H) will really appreciate it some day.

Thanks Sandi

Hello All
Thought I'd let you know that I sat up a MC appt. You can do this alone or as a couple. I had a lengthy conversation with the therapist and he seems that he'll be able to help.

I did let my H know as I'd like him to come - maybe that was wrong? He said he wouldn't be there b/c he's already made his decision and so on. I'm still going. It'll help me in the future; hopefully with him.

My 1st appt (consult) is tomorrow so wish me luck that I found the right therapist for me

Part 2 - the OM can't seem to get out of my life, let go. How do I handle this? I've said all the appropriate things. We do work together but not in direct contact so that's really not an issue. BUT, he does feel the need to call or come by my house. He says he just wants to talk, but I can see that he's just trying to "smooze" me......

Advice?

If he comes by the house, don't let him in. If he calls, don't answer the phone. If your cellphone will do custom ringtones for specific callers, assign his number a silent ringtone and turn off any vibration feature.

If you work together, there is probably a company policy about sexual harassment. Remind him of that policy and inform him that if he doesn't leave you alone, you'll take this matter to your HR department.

I'm reminded of a quote from PDT:

Perfect ringtone idea ~ thank you!
one thing about work.... I am the HR dept, however I can still use your suggestions as they are great! I broke my own rules, but need to show different behavior now.

I know, it looks the same to me....

I agree. Never let him in your home, car or any place where you are alone. If he happens to corner you at work, have nothing to say to him. That seems to discourge "most" men. I think we women do feel responsible for feelings and don't want anyone to suffer b/c of us, etc. If you have firmly told him your decision and he has no reason to doubt you, then you owe him nothing farther......not even conversation. Just look at him and say nothing and if he doesn't back away, then push past him and walk off! If that doesn't get the message, then you will have to resort to stronger methods.

Maybe b/c you have been too understanding and willing to listen to him cry on your shoulder is why he's take advantage of you. Be strong. You can do it.

I've been doing really good & working out. My H still cuts me off at every turn, but I expect that so no worries.

I had a really rough week though, got my separation paperwork in the mail on wednesday. It was unexpected as that wasn't the delivery plan so it hit twice as hard.

Still no OM drama - thankfully! I've kept him at bay.

D1978.
If the only road was friendship not companionship would you travel it?
I can understand him cutting you off at every turn.
You say you have forgiven yourself. That is a good step. Do you know if he has forgiven himself?
Do you know if he kept any roads paved for you? Via friends or family?
Also look at the timing. There is a ton of thoughts being revisited one year later. I know that next year in July - October time frame I am going to have a hard time. But I also know that I will have built my personal strength up that if I have to deal with my WAS that I will be strong enought to get through it if that is what I want.

I also know that to rebuild trust will take a very long time. As it would be a brand new relationship. How do relationships truely start? Friendship!
Offer the gift of unconditional love and expect nothing in-return. For this may be what your husband offers. Nothing. Some hurts cannot ever be healed.
Do you love him enought to let him go?
I am sorry if I hurt you in any of my words. It was not my intent. But I do understand that right now you are again at the bottom of a mountain and wish to climb to the peak.
I feel the sting of an affair in my failed marriage. I will freely explain to you how I feel. Ask any questions and I will answer them truefully. As I know we are all just hurt people who made mistakes.