Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Leaving the Land of Insanity...

oh ..one other thing, do you still use your embarq.com EM address, cuz if so then you have mail.

T

Sorry T, don't use that one. Will have to have it removed.
I use my last name, plus the #4. And the place where I get my mail is pretty hot...

Yes I did get some 'cutting edge'/trendy stuff. Tired of my uniform of boxy-but-comfy sweaters and khaki pants. So I got the cute skirt and some tailored menswear-style dress pants. Plus a few of those sweaters where they have short sleeves and only a couple buttons so you have to wear a cami or tank top underneath. Fun!

Getting the kids up and dressed for McDonalds. Nathan has counseling at 10.

Bbj,
I bought a nice pair of shoes last night. High heels (John, you got me thinking about those, cant wait to try that use you mentioned-LOL) and a nike work out pants that I erally liked.
Been shopping a little bit lately. Not good for me. Means I am depressed...

Anyway, move forward and stay consistent. Good times are just around the corner...
Love
K

What's up sis?

Running late for work like usual!

So last night my parents took the kids so Dan and I could go over details.

He called me to ask if I had eaten dinner. Then he said he was coming to pick me up and take me out to eat. So we went out for Mexican, he paid.

We came back home and filled out the October calendar. Then I had a checklist of things to go over so we could get things settled.

Things like insurance, visitation schedule, birthdays, holidays, etc. He said any time he had the kids for a holiday, I was welcome to be there. I told him his future gf/wife wouldn't appreciate that. He said he didn't give a sh!t what they would have to say. Regardless, I told him we needed to assign each holiday and then go from there. So we did.

We talked financial settlement, he wants to give me more than I was asking for. He admitted in his email last week that he tries to show love for me by providing financially when I want to be held and told/shown. (Diff love languages obviously).

So I told him I was asking for what I thought was fair and he said he still wanted to give me more but it was up to me.

Then we went over insurance, he said that I could stay on his forever if I wanted to. Again I said his future relationships and mine would not like that. He said again he didn't care. I told him to leave the kids on until adulthood, and me for 1 year because I can opt-in to my work insurance next May.

So we covered a few more things on the list and then it was all covered. He has not had the receipt of service notarized but said he would get it done for me. A few things I mentioned you could tell he hadn't thought about and he got that sick look on his face. But, not my problem.

The whole thing was calm and controlled, nobody got mad. We both were close to tears a couple times but I pushed forward down the list. I am going to type it up for him to review and then give it to my attorney so I can find out if we are good. No trial means everything will be MUCH cheaper, which is definitely a good thing.

WOW!!! I am surprised. You must be very proud of yourself of how you handled this.
Hugs
K

You went through a discussion I'm still praying I never have to. My question is, after all the DBing work, did you ever think there was a real chance you could have turned things around or was the path pretty much set in stone?

I'm looking for hope today.

If you are curious, I have been on this site for about 20 months now...there have been many twists and turns. Several times my H has made overtures about coming home. He moved out only to want to move back in with me 4 months later, only to move out again 6 months later...just one week ago he told me he was emailing a no-contact letter to OW and scheduleing a marriage retreat for US. The next day he dumped me again...(ow too).

So in short, I never ever allowed myself to think we were over. Even now I hold out the possibility that we could reconile after divorce.

But I am not going to stay in limbo any more, I made that choice for myself. I couldn't have made it before, we are only ready when we are ready. And after so many false starts it hurt my heart too much to stay where we were.

So I am moving forward with life and will see what happens from here. It does feel good to be 'in control' of my life, granted I believe God has a plan for me. But after so long watching, waiting, hoping, I decided it was time.

I wish my W was showing ANY indecision. She seems so set on the path we are on -- although there's been no discussion of furthering anything along.

I'm in limbo at least until January. That's when she can go on her pre-paid legal plan offered through her work. So all the DBing I'm doing right now may be in vain. She may just be marking time.

That will hurt.

K
I was proud of myself.

For the first time, if I am honest with myself looking back, I did not try to use our children, our love, our history, etc to convince him to change his mind. It isn't like I would say it that directly, but I might have worded questions about sharing holidays/birthdays to try and make him feel guilty for upsetting the children's lives. Make sense?

But this time I didn't do that. I did bring up other people in our lives and each time he would say he didn't care what anyone else would think, he would do what he wanted (such as having me join him and the kids for church on Christmas Eve or leaving me on his insurance indefinitely).

It felt good in a strange way. I was organized and businesslike but at the same time able to tease and joke with him. I said something about he wouldn't be a nice boyfriend (to a future gf) if he did x,y,z with me after we D'd and he said he wasn't being a nice boyfriend now.

I said in a light voice "Prob not real appropriate to be joking about your girlfriend with me yet". He said, "I meant a bad boyfriend to YOU"...

Anyway it was surreal as at dinner we even had a conversation about a Vince Vaughn movie coming up (Couples Retreat, ironically enough)and he acted like he would want to go when it comes out...

And yet here we are writing up our agreements for the divorce settlement. I am just glad that it appears it won't turn ugly. So time to get it written up and signed before it has a chance to go south.