Oh and has anyone ever felt guilty for being with their spouse..I feel this sense of guilt because I know how he feels about me yet we are having fun talking about random stuff, going places with our kids, and ML even though he says we barely speak..again, he was drunk when he said that...not once did he bring up divorce and all that crap. I just feel guilty because I feel like I am making him stay or trapping him or something..I dont know how to explain it.
Are you saying I should file for divorce? That he is in love with someone else and that I am holding him back from his true love? Does he want me to file? Is that what he is pushing for? I just feel like I am holding him back from his true love and that I am keeping him here..Not sure with what is with all the ML, sleeping with me and holding me if he is in love with me...he came to me..it is because he cant have OW and so he is settling for me? That is where my guilt is coming from. I always thought we were soul mates over the past 18 years we have always come back to each other...but I guess I am not the one..so i should just tell him to leave.
DO NOT DO ANYTHING. No I am not saying file. I would never tell anyone on this site to do that unless they were getting the crap beat out of them or seriously seriously messed with somehow, and it was being done on purpose, to hurt them. I know lots of us are hurting here, but in a weird way, I don't believe all the WAS and MLCers are doing it on purpose, they're just truly lost and screwed up. With that, NO do not file. I'm saying, let him do what he needs to do, enjoy the positive interaction as it happens and walk away from the fights. You have to stop trying to figure him out....he has no idea what he's doing and saying so how in the world could you figure it out?
I am still here..just nothing new to post..he moved from basement to living room couch..acted like a drunken ass on sat. and yelled at me in front of our kids..then after I repeatedly told him not to do that I went to bed..he followed..said nobody loves me..it was such a turn off and so immature..then he called me a b in front of d on sunday for some dumb reason..maybe he was nervous about being around my family..lots of cuddling for the past couple of weeks..tnite he was an ass again..but wanted to cuddle then started with his famous drunken banter about what are we doing..you never talk about R blah blah blah..he does not think my changes are real..he said nobody loves me again..never once mentioned D...just do not know what he wants from me..he said it was odd that I never want to fight and there is something wrong with not fighting..i said no i just pick my battles and right now I am working on me..I said things like you cannot change someone..you have to love yourself first..and that he needs to let go of the past and stop holding grudges..he acts like I did something unforgivable to him...but i have been a good wife. I do not nag. I have forgiven him. He is acting like a 16 year old. I dont get it. What is so bad about me. I have lost 4o lbs..I run(training for my first marathon after years of hiding behind the half marathon)why am i not good enough for him..why cant he communicate with me..really..why doesnt he trust me. it is SO frustrating! and he needs to put his darn ring on..that bothers me the MOST! but I cannot tell him that!
My H never wore a ring because truth be told....that ring is not important. If two people love each other the rings simply show the world that each person is taken, but there are plenty of people who cheat while wearing their rings. Let that go, it's not important.
You just have to stay the course and really start concentrating on you.
The newest thing with H and I...the thing getting on my nerves now is that he'll make tentative plans....his doing, not my asking then if I ask him something about those plans he gives me "I'm not up to that yet". However, he sent me an email or text saying otherwise.
So my solution? I'll make my own plans and his will fit with mine or they won't. But either way, not going to discuss such matters with him any more.
So..This weekend, my h started with the d stuff again, started sleeping in the basement again. I thought maybe it had to do with alleged OW however, I am not sure there is even OW, the reason...because on Sat. night when he started this crap I did not react, he followed ME around the house, he said he could not stand being around me..he did not love me blah blah blah..then he packed his bookbag and said he was leaving, I said where will you be staying he said wherever I want, I said okay, good bye. no tears..no reaction...so, I left and went to my parents. About an hour or so later I called my house to check my messages and he answered, I used redial on my phone when I got home and he had tried to call my cell phone, which was in his car. Last night, he wanted to lay with me, and stayed upstairs again, he said I am sorry for leaving, I just get depressed sometimes. Do you think this has more to do with hating his life right now rather than hating me? More to do with dropping out of law school and leaving his job? If there was OW why would he not have went to be with her? Why would he not spend more time with her..Maybe he wants to leave his life because he feels like a failure..and so this is his reaction to me. But this time..I will not react. Stronger..after everything you have read..do you really think there is OW??
And Stronger..you are so right about the ring. You are right about most of the things you have said so far. I wish you realized how much you are helping me to stand up for myself and not react. Thank you!!!!!!! This is something I have never been able to do.
