Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife out till 3;30 in the morning

JTJ, re: GPS.

I found a VERY cheap solution with a $40 GPS-enabled cellphone and a pay-as-you go from BoostMobile. There's an app called "MapQuest FindMe" that is only like $5, and it works like a charm. I just put all of the phone's sounds on "silent," put a small piece of black electrical tape over the speaker just in case I had missed any, and put it in my son's baseball gear bag in the trunk of my wife's car. You can then just log onto a secure website any time you want to, and see where the phone is located down to about 50'. You can even set it to e-mail you alerts when it comes within a user-defined distance of any user-defined location -- say, 100 yards of OM's house, or of your wife's place of employment.

Other than having to retrieve it every night to recharge its battery, it worked like a charm, giving me accurate readings (of which I captured some pretty damning screenshots) about 98% of the time.

You know, theoretically.

Puppy

Journaling,

Yesterday I asked my wife to review the kids schedules with me for this coming weekend. She will be gone and I will need to take care of any scheduling conflicts. W made a comment about how she wasn't going to talk about it because all it would do is generate an argument. Later that evening we were watching TV together on the sofa and she proceeds to tell me that during our argument friday night I told her that she does nothing around the house. I told her I didn't remember saying that. But I'm sorry if I did and it was not fair of me to say that when when she does so much especially when I'm on the road. She dropped it from there and told me where to find the kids schedules for the up coming weekend.

Off to bed after the show. I wish I could remember if I said that or not. I need to let it go.

JJ

If you DO honestly remember saying or doing something rude or disrespectful, by all means apologize for it. If you DON'T remember, try to say something like "I'm sorry if it came across that way -- that certainly wasn't my intent," and then don't embellish with over-praise.

Puppy

JTJ good job on the apology. Keep validating her.
The hardest thing to do is to recognizing your emotions as they are escaping your mouth.
I have nothing but respect for people that can control that. I am having such a hard time controlling my emotions and what i say.

You are such a good position to influence your situation. Keep galing and keep changing your BEHAVIORS. The only thing i can do is to tell you not CHANGE your core but just the behaviors and habits that led you to this place.

Keep looking for the positives.

I definitely would not describe my marriage as THAT.

Thanks guys!

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. Let all keep up the good work.

JJ

Steve,

Please allaborate.

Thanks,

JJ

Journaling,

Wife was packing for going out of town. She couldn't fit all her stuff in. Very funny to me because i travel a fair bit and realize she does really need all that stuff for herself. I'm preparing to shower and she goes "I just said I can't fit everything into this suit case". I say "that means you need my help" she says yes. I wrap a towel around myself and proceed to make some adjustment so she can bring more shoes with her. She yells i'm leaving, I say see ya"

I'm still struggling to detach from what I want expect her to say. Like Good bye or when I say good night and she doesn't reciprocate. Let it go.

The other day as she is pulling out of the garage "I put a electric scooter in layaway fro D9 last night" "It will be $200. I say i would like to talk about this later she says lets talk now. We go back and forth and i digress and discuss.

JJ: We need a new water heater and I don't think we have the money
W: That why I'm putting it in lay away.
JJ: I still don't think we have $200 and would to spend less on each kidlet (my new favorite word! thanks Dia).
W: What are we supposed to buy for her she doesn't need anything else.
W: I will just go take it out of Lay away
JJ: No don't do that. Well go over all our exspenses between now and the end of year next week when you get back from your trip.
W: Ok see you later
JJ: bye

"Around and around we go where we stop no one knows"

By they way she also wants a new car, new Laptop for christmas, (kids will need to go to library if they need a computer), new flooring in the living room and family room. we don't have the cash for all this. Granted she has always behaved this way. How do I bust my divorce and set these boundries while working with her and not act like her Daddy!?

Hope for the best but plan for the worst. is a cry of desperation. desperation is not attractive.

this is a marriage not an industrial accident. your hand has not been severed off and hanging on by skin. carrying your hand into the ER to have it sown back on is not attractive either. why live your life with that attitude?

you need to change your attitude. this is a marriage you want to save right?
why not -

This is the best but I can deal with the worst.

now, honestly, you are dealing with an uphill battle. Your Wife is out till 3;30 in the morning. thats not good. that is a woman who is out enjoying herself to all hours of the night without her husband (and probably with another man). Last I heard the comiserate committee no longer holds there meetings after midnight. so her and her buddies are not sulking over a draft beer. They are out enjoying themselves and waiting to see what comes along.

then theres,



you know if your wife came to this site discussing her physically abusive husband, she would probably be advised to GET OUT of that situation. I am sure her friends who she is staying out late with told her just that and probably are doing alot more to solve that dilemma. so you need to work on that, seriously.

5 months of not hitting your wife or messing with her head isnt that long in the grand scheme of the fact that it did happen. I hope you are seeking help. Because hitting a woman is a seriously very awfully bad thing to even think about doing. and to do it well... you shouldnt have no matter what the situation.

but back to your new attitude. you may never convince your wife that your changes are forever. you cant even make one mistake; one slip up and she really should get out. IMHO. but you can make the package worth thinking about. This is the best. I am married to the best possible woman. This is great. That needs to aura that surrounds you at all times. Else, its just a $hitty situation with a guy who physically abused me and is now cheap with the money.

Steve,

Well put.

Thanks

JJ