Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Is this the end of my marriage?

You notify her so that you don't stoop to her level. If it were me, I would (and did) say something like "I know I've indicated before that I didn't want to date while we were separated, because I thought we should be trying to work on our marriage instead. But seeing as how you've already obviously moved on anyway, (and seeing as how you can't really work at a marriage when one person has invited a third person into it) I've done some thinking and I have decided that* it would be healthy for me to see what else is out there for me as well. As a courtesy, I wanted to let you know."

*these words were taught to me by Gucci in his posts here, and I really like them. Whenever you use the "I have decided that --" formulation, it shows decisiveness, strength and that you're individuated.

Puppy

Puppy, thank you. I will use EXACTLY those words when the time is right. That's not right now. I need to go without more contact for a while before doing it out of the blue.

I still haven't heard back from my reply to her text of this morning. She is obviously not happy as I have never done that before. Maybe it's making her think or maybe she's thinking f*** him ... either way, it's a reaction and this tiny little step I am proud of.

Whatever she wanted to 'talk' about isn't so important that she wants to reply to. Or maybe she is thinking that she'll let the bombshell of the OM being here fall upon me by another method. It doesn't interest me. She can do what she wants.

My wife has just responded back with a WHOLE load of dates she can spend with my daughter and I ... nothing about her wanting to talk just a quick note at the bottom saying 'Hope it makes sense!'.

Next step when do I respond (I'm thinking Thursday / Friday) and how many to I reject? Any tips, help or suggestions?

P17,

I just now read this part (hey, what can I say -- yours was a looong post!), and GOOD FOR YOU! That is EXACTLY how you should handle requests like that.

She no longer controls YOUR timetable, and YOUR agenda. Be kind, and be reasonable about when you get together, but let it be when it's convenient for YOU.

Puppy

Thanks Puppy. It does feel good. As I said, it's too late but the power shift, even if it's miniscule, still feels nice.

Any advice on how long to wait and how many dates to reject if any? After looking at them they are all pretty reasonable and around a week apart on average so it's not too much. I one again don't want to appear to be a pushover though!

Just an update.

Walked past my wife's new home and there is a car in the driveway. Okay. Walked past it again later on my way back from a friends and saw somebody have a cigarette out the back door. The OM of course smokes.

I stopped myself all the way to the top of her street where I shouted 'I hope you enjoy yourself _'.

So he's here and it's actually thrown me quite a bit. I didn't think it would as I have been so strong.

My question is, what do I do now? Do I just carry on as before like nothing has happened and refuse to talk about us when I see her with my daughter?

Everybody wants me to go for a divorce on the grounds of adultery (which I would then get an immediate divorce over here). I'm really not sure at all what to do.

I'm a bit thrown to any help and advice appreciated.

I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it's not this:




Puppy

I know it's not. I only hope he didn't hear it. In fact I'd be surprised if he did. It was stupid and not the way to go about things but it just came out. I made a mistake.

Well, the good thing is, it's not like she can ASK you about the incident, can she!!

Puppy

True ... she would get no response from me.

Still not sure what to do about this though. Do I keep DB or is this too far gone? Any advice to help me decide what to do next or what my next step should possibly be?

Will hopefully speak to the solicitor tomorrow about the separation agreement.

Like everybody on here I still do want to try again despite family and friends advice. I just think it's gone too far down the road though. My wife lives 500 yards away and has moved her boyfriend in. She has no respect for me (which most WAS don't anyway) or herself. She has hitched up with a man who is 11 years older and the complete opposite of what she said she wanted ...

My other thought is that if I do stop her seeing my daughter as other have suggested to me, then there is no reason for her to contact me at all and then there will be no contact. So how do I DB with no contact at all?

But then others have pulled back from a much worse brink.