Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Trying to save my M. W not really trying though.

Great attitude etrain, and one that is very attractive to the opposite sex. And yes it is amazing how similar all of these WAW's are, I remember when I fist came here it just floored me of how many things my wife said to me was exactly the same as almost all off the others.

Burt

My W's OM was in another COUNTRY, but it didn't stop their A from progressing to point of nearly destroying my M, and may yet, so don't underestimate the power of a long distance A.

Welcome etrain. We're all here with you. You sound a lot like me 9 months ago.

I'll chime in with more later, but this one line caught my eye...



In my case, it was a flirty text message that I found.

My wife also claimed that it was the first and the last and that it was nothing and that it was a mistake...

And then I discovered more later, and again she claimed it was over.

And then a month later I looked deeper and found out how serious it was.

And later I found out how long it had REALLY been going on.

An EA is serious.

While there is an EA, then your wife will not be capable of working on the R.

It seems we have all found those emails..My was 4 months ago. Still not sure if anything happened. It was an emotional affair that I do know...

Stay on this site as much as possible. So much good advice here and you have the right attitude. Take care.

Etrain, welcome - you're in the right place. Yeah, I found the emails too. I got the promises too.

My opinion is that DR is the better book. Keep posting - yep, focus on you and your boy. Steel yourself. We're here with you.

Thanks so much to all of you. I'm going out to purchase DR today.
He had our 2nd MC session yesterday & I was able to get a lot off my chest. My W is sticking to her "story" that about 3-4 years ago, she realized she was never "in love" with me. I don't believe that because I remember the good times...and there were many...but that's what's going through my W's head. So now I face the challenge of regaining a love that was NEVER EVEN THERE, according to my W.
My W & I started dating when she was only 18 and that seems to be part of the issue. She had this fairytale view of what M is...and I think some of that is still lingering. The MC even picked up on it when my W said her idea of M is having that constant fire burning when you see your spouse..that spark that never goes away. She started to backtrack a bit when the MC explained that it's a little unrealistic to expect that to last forever & that M's change over time...but backtracking aside, that's what she really feels because she's said it to me more than once.

The MC did get my W to agree to try some of the exercises in the marriage book I've been reading, so maybe that's a start...assuming she actually follows through. (not DB or DR..it's another book I picked up)

I'm not very optimistic right now. The possibility of seperation and D was actually discussed in MC & it felt all too real. In my W's mind, our M is already over.

The MC scheduled us for another appt next week...saying to call if one or both of us decides we don't want to go. It gave me the impression that even the MC has lost hope.

I'm trying to hang in there. If our M does end, I want to be able to say I gave everything I had to make it work. And I expressed that to my W. Our son is worth it...our family is worth it...and I'm worth it.

My H refused to go to MC at all but I can kinda see his point. We did it several years ago and it didn't really help at all (stayed with him anyway...and look where that got me!). If I could get the extra cash it would be the DB counselors on this site I'd call-seems people here find it more helpful that normal MC.

Sorry for your situation and yes you are right that people can think they are out of love due to problems but falling back in love is possible!

I hope so, Buttercup. I really do.
I'm having a very hard time today...thinking of our 4 year old son & the possibility of having to tell him that mommy & daddy aren't going to be together anymore.
It's all so hard right now.

etrain:

Welcome. Sorry to hear about your problems. I'm new to all this too, but I will say that pleading and trying to reason with my WAW did not yeild any significant results. I am just now starting to GAL and my God has there been a change in her attitude. But more importantly I feel a lot better, so either way this goes I've done soemthing good for myself or our marriage.

My W's affair began as an emotional one with a mutual friend. Affairs seriously alter a person's brain chemistry and make them highly unreasonable, even emotional ones. They cloud judgement, make the OM seem fantastic and the spouse seem terrible. They make people rewrite thier own relationship history to try and explain why they're cheating. My wife now considers our marriage to be an ultimatum I gave her. But I'm SURE she did not take those vows for that reason. I know she loved me and felt she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.

This is probably going to make counseling and working out any issues between you VERY tricky if she is still in contact with him. It's sad but I almost feel like my W had to leave me, devastate me and our loved ones, turn her life upside down, and go completely down the wrong path before she started to realize the grass is NOT greener. I hope there's another way to enlightenment for your W.