Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Help - Husband in MLC

That's the hard part about reconciling, isn't it? You have to let go of your detachment at some point and then you're vulnerable.

That's the thing, I felt open and vulnerable to the hurt again, that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.

The thing is I now find myself watching closely for any little signs again that might lead me to think he is wavering again.

Hugs Oz I know how you feel at the moment, H is making all the right moves when he visits me at home, then going off and being single again, in fact when we had our heated debate he stated he was single, I replied "your not your married pending a divorce" which seem to bring him up sharp!

Its hard allowing things to happen at home not knowing if they are ever going to lead somewhere, Im off to a funeral today and so is H and I just havent a clue what he is gonna do, I do hope he refrains from making it very clear to everyone we are not together, its not the embarrassment any more just the plain fact that I wouldnt have much respect for him doing that at our friends funeral!

Its not easy allowing yourself to be open to being hurt again! Sorry you were sick friday but perhaps it showing up H's behaviour did you a favour, I agree with Dia DB'ing is for life, although its such a useful arsenal of tools who wouldnt want to use it!

Sorry that you were crook Oz - but moreso that your H reacted to a genuine illness that way. I wonder what his motivation was? I should leave it a while and then gently put it to him ... make sure all is good on the day that you do ask!

I feel that we need to understand why they say these things so that we can learn - if we don't are we to remain forever under the misconception that all is well when it probably is not?

It's where I'm at. Can't get H to answer much at all.

Sounds like it's all going OK otherwise though Oz, so well done!

WTF? indeed. It is really disturbing that he would consider walking out on you when you were sick. Is this behavior new? I have heard that this is common with men who are abusive. Do you feel like you reached understanding about what happened?

I really sorry this happened to you. Food poisoning is bad enough without the other BS.

general FYI - the reason it's common in abusive men is that it's a narcissistic behavior.

"How dare you be sick! You are inconveniencing/disappointing/abandoning ME. You must have planned this all along. Your pain doesn't matter, only MINE does as it's all about ME ME ME."

Caveat: I am not saying Oz's H is abusive. Only that the particular incidence of behavior looked narcissistic.

Hiya Oz!

I see things are happening in the land down under!
Sorry to have been so scarce - never realised it would require so much effort to keep the family car on the road of life ;-)

BOY oh boy - the W can be a pain at times

I'll catch up over the weekend - I see there's LOTS of reading to be done.

Chin up - everything forward!

Mac

Thanks everyone

At least I am all better now which is good can eat normally again, yay.

With regards to H being abusine, he isn't an abusive person but can and has over the years played the mental games with me mostly in part due to jealousy and insecurities in that regard.

On the whole we are doing really really well, I would say that the intense hands all over you phase has now eased off a bit and we are now in the happy to be with each other phase, sharing some activities and cuddle time etc on sofa at night, conversation flowing easily and ML is now a priority.

We have spent another lovely weekend together going out on the motorbike and have decided to go down the path of buying a holiday house (nothing special) down on the coast. Found a perfect one in a town called Venus Bay (Cas you may have heard of it). Very peaceful right near the surf beach. Just what we wanted in order to go to of a weekend. We are enjoying doing some different things together even simple things as having a coffee together and just chatting, something that we no longer did.

Sometimes it is those simple gestures and time spent that can be the most precious.

We are now spending much more quality time together something we have not done in many many years. For the first time in those years I can actually say I feel content and happy and H is content and happy.

H on the phone yesterday whilst we were out, female friend who had been telling him on a number of occasions why D is not the answer asked "how we were going", H's reply "absolutely fantastic".

H now openly will have a phone conversation in front of me, car key permanently at the front door, has removed all items of clothing and toiletries he had in the car and returned them to the house. Life is truly great and I am thankful to all who supported me here and thankful to the powers that be in the spiritual sense who have given me strength to keep going and for the return of my H.

We are better people now I think, more respectful of the other as to needs and feelings.

I can honestly say my "Divorce is Busted".

I will never take my H or our R for granted again, you do have to work at it and nurture it.

Oh Oz, that's terrific news - they are the words everyone wants to hear "my D is busted". Just wish that it could be the outcome for everyone.

I like that H has instilled the confidence in you to trust you again - re the key at the door. I know that it was his hangup in the first place but it speaks volumes in how he sees things now. Even if there were an A before (and who knows?), it ain't happening now my friend!!

Keep dropping in - it's encouraging to see how you are going.

Good luck with your new holiday purchase and I shall defo be looking that one up on the map! May see you down there one day, eh?!!

The most sweetest words in the world "divorce busted" Im so pleased for you hun and hope that the transition back to happiness runs as smoothly as possible for you.