Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives strong & patient (most days)

Ummmmm, just a random thought here.

In my sitch, my X had her brother and "our" renter to report back to her with information to use against me to it's fullest degree.

I'm deeply disturbed by your stbx's recent confidence boost here. Karen, you aren't openly posting anything on say FB or anything about all this?

Sorry Karen, I missed a whole page of posts!! I think I told you pretty much what I thought about the situation the other night. This man is losing it big time. Also I am not sure he can ask for your C and/or DR records. I would check with your L and light a fire under her retirting rear.

kat

Document that whole scene at school and let your lawyer know. Again, he is trying to build a case. Good job on not emailing him. Like the other poster said, just have the lawyers handle it. You need a temporary custody schedule, Karen, otherwise he will continue this. He is also trying to prove you are unfit in any way he knows how. I'm worried about your kids and what he is asking/saying to them. I think it is great you continue to do this Tuesday thing because it gives you witnesses to your mothering. He will try to prove you a bad mom. If you don't let him bully you (which you WON'T), he WILL go for full custody so be prepared for that. The writing is all over the wall.

As for your depressed time.......what you are like NOW is what matters. He could have ordered temporary custody during the time when you were severely depressed...that time is over. You are healthy, happy, and being a good mother and woman. Your pastor, friends, and children can attest to that. Even if he brought those letters to the court, it would have no meaning now. Even if he pushed it the worst they would do is have a psychological evaluation of you which you will show you are fine with. Another topic that needs to be brought up is the verbal abuse you have dealt with with your stbxh. I would start gathering that info. Because it helps show the big picture of what is happening here and the reason for you trying to need the schedule and the need to have things done through email or with a third party always present and possibly the need for the kids to be with you.

As I have said before, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't try to kidnap them if things don't go his way. I really think he is capable of that. Do everything to protect yourself now. Oh and no, he wouldn't be taking them because he really wants them but to hurt you.

kat

Exactly, and a 'paycheck'.

Yep. I think so too. I am at the point where I wish he could have less custody, rather than more or esp. full!!!

I was thinking that too, 2 years ago, when that was if he was really concerned about my parenting, you would have thought he would have done something then. We had the temporary hearing, and he said nothing re: custody and was seeing them no overnights at that point.

I do think the verbal abuse/yelling helped me to get to that point, and the D bomb he dropped, and also my brother's tumor. I also didn't have some of the coping skills I have now; didn't know what to do when I was depressed or yelled at like I've learned the past 2 years. I would hope a judge in court could/would understand that.

I haven't heard from my L back yet today; hopefully before the end of the week I will though. I emailed her all the specifics of yesterday/today. I dropped by there after a meeting at the church (they're announcing I'm going to be director of the mom's morning out tonight), and my L was out of the office but I talked to her assistant.

I do think if we don't go to court re: visitation he will just get worse and worse.

I told the crossing guard at the school (have made good friends with him the past 2 months), and told him what happened this morning. Asked him if he saw it, but no. He did say if my L agrees, he will put in a call to someone (didn't say who) and they can have X banned from D9's school. I am hoping that wouldn't have to happen, and sounds like something X would do to me, so I really don't want to do that, and I still have hopes he might calm down some day in the future after the D. But if something like today happens again, I will do it.

Dylan, why do you think he sounds confident? I know he's had strategy/been planning all this stuff out, but I think this am was not something he planned. He was really out of control and angry.

I am on facebook, but only go on there once in a blue moon and I never do updates or anything on my fb page. Are you on there btw? I signed up for twitter (is that what it's called) and have never used it. One of X's running friends signed up to follow me shortly after I joined, and that kind of creeped me out. I don't think I ever tweeted or whatever they call it. The only place I post is here....

Karen,

All I can really say is what I know from my experiences. At the time these sort of things happened, the notion of full fledged divorce filings were still in 'threat stage'. And my XW acted out exactly like this, I even documented it here somewhere, she was the same seemingly raving out of control person. Hindsight 20/20, it was all part of the 'master plan' somehow to get the kids. Perhaps so she could in turn say to our kids, "look what your father makes me do", blah blah blah. Because at that time, the kids were confused, highly, and searching out the truth on their own.

But, these ballsy claims he making in emails, removing the child from class, grabbing them out of the car and all, just doesn't add up and it is certainly so easy to say it's the work of a unstable person. However, I learned in my situation, every move XW made had a purpose behind it, be it to push my buttons, win the kids over, or build evidence for something grander down the road, it all had it's purpose.

At this time, I feel you need to stand a stiff ground and keep contact to a bare minimum with him. That's the beauty of all the temp orders, they grant you that sliver of sanity and set forth some ground rules that can stop a lot of this. Also in having them implimented, the judge will take in to concideration how the parties have abided by them in the FINAL orders.

Hope that helps.

Yes, I am reluctantly on FB. Don't use it much either, mainly to chat with my sisters instead of blowing my phone up with a million text messages. But I've gotten down enough and posted something I thought wasn't all that bad, and the next day I have a handful of poeple in person telling me I can't post stuff like that because it's public record and could hurt me when XW and I return to court as I'm sure we will.

Hey Karen, Im sorry that your STBXH is being his usual lame-o self! I agree with everyone else, document everything. I'll bet that he had to sign into the school, maybe a visitor log or something. Maybe getting some kind of record like that would be a good idea. I also agree that if he does try to go for custody, its not because hes worried about them (where was his "concern" 2 yrs ago?!), it would be more to hurt you!

Im on FB, but Im not sure how to tell you how to find me without being censored, I guess my email is a hotmail, and you just need to add a 42 to my username here. And I think that you know my first name.

DDay: Cant you adjust your security settings so that only your friends can read what you put up? I have thought about unfriending my X... Dont know about that though.

I thought it was that way by default?

I'm not worried at all about my X seeing anything I put out there, anyone who knows my sense of humor knows it's a little warped an dI mean no harm. But, she HATES computers, and 100% hates the net, so I couldn't see her personally giving a damn. She does however have her brothers running amock out there, but I'm not worried about them either. One is in deep with me for hacking my identity to give XW access to my health insurance accounts which I I provided all information in court as to the IP address and CPU registry that it was his computer, and the other is in deep for steeling my cell phone ID and calling/texting poeple leaving stupid messages. So, both are registered on the FCC watch list, I dare them to go further.

Ironically, I'm more than confident she somehow reads what I post here if anything at all.

BTW I did check and by default "only friends" can see your wall on FB.