..and it was even to the point he was asking her if we had sex over the weekend of our anniversary and how many times we had sex on our getaway for our anniversary...then turns around and tells her that it was really nice to know that she was still able to give it to him more in a day than what she could give it to me..
Quote:
she admits to me that they had sex multiple times a week..
I think you have a greater concern than needing to read sex starved marriage.
When you are interested in someone, you talk. When you are infatuated with someone, you talk to them everyday. When you are horny for someone, you screw. When you are in love with someone, you screw them everyday.
Yeah the other wife knows...she is the how I found about them still talking recently....they say they have had no physical contact since the day of the hotel incident that me and his wife found out about that day...But they lied about having no communication at all..they told us that they were done with each other and wanted to make things work with their spouses...2 weeks ago this past sunday is when we found out they were still talking to each 4 times a day from work...they would not call from cell phones cause they knew we could track that so they were calling from work and his cell phone...cause he did not think his wife had access to their phone records online...I just dont understand why she tells me this stuff and expects it not to bother me...I have told her that if I even feel as though there is contact again that she is out...and I have even told her its not fair for me to keep all my feelings bottled up when she is able to go out and do what she did and still not want to me epress intimate times with her..its not fair to me...and she tells me that its the reason she does not feel intimate with me now because I usually bring this up once a week about her not being intimate with me...and i have said you think I enjoy talking about this and dont wanna put it in the past and start making our lives better....Trust me I do..but how am i supposed to when I try to be with you ...you push me away...you never show me you are in the mood....you very rarely give me affection...unless im the one that takes the first step to it
What is happening is horrible, and what is more horrible is that you let it happen because you "love her".
She can't love you because she can't respect you, if she respected you, would she be having sex with another man?
Time to do the opposite of what you've been doing, it's all counter-intuitive but you need to do the opposite of what you've been doing.
That book you got for her to read as well as you, put it away, don't ask her to read it anymore. Stop pursuing her for sex, don't ask for sex with her anymore. Stop talking to her and trying to make her see your point of view and stop explaining the logic of any of this right now, she can't understand it anyways.
Tell her this, "I've been thinking about it, and if you want to have sex with the other man so badly, you can, I'm not going to try to stop you, it doesn't matter to me."
"I can't love someone who disrespects me the way you have, I will help pack your things, you should start looking for somewhere else to live immediately: you & your boyfriend, I don't want you living here anymore because I don't love you anymore, I can't believe I waited this long for you!"
"It's time for me to find out what I've been missing all this time, if sex with someone else is so enjoyable for you maybe it's time for me to figure out the same thing"
Turn your back on her after telling her these things and walk away. When she pursues you to talk to you about this, tell her "NO! I'm done talking!", be firm with your voice raised, not yelling but give it some volume, look at her in her eyes when you say this and make it convincing, your body language has to display that you've had enough of her crap behavior and you won't put up with it anymore - you respect yourself too much to let this go on.
You've been speaking with the OM's wife, get in touch with her again. Those two need a taste of their own medicine and you guys are going to give it to them. No I'm not telling you to have an affair but the two of you are in a position where you can give them a taste of what they've been giving you and if she doesn't want to go through with it, you can find someone else. You guys can plan to go out for dinner, you and the OM's wife. You can use the time to discuss what's been happening in your marriages, the lies you've been told, how you've been disrespected and you can both lean on each other for support. The catch is this, you don't tell your spouse's where you're going, but you make it look like you're going out on a date: you dress up, put on the cologne and you go out and enjoy an evening with a new friend and even if that evening finishes earlier in the evening, you do something that keeps you out until 2 or 3 am when you know your wife will be waiting at home.
In the end, the only thing that really motivates people in these types of situations is fear of loss. If she knows she has you at home waiting everyday for her to come around because you "love her so much and would do anything for her", she knows that she can walk all over you, you're her doormat, and that really sucks, time for you to stop allowing this.
What you have been doing up until now isn't work, we can all agree on that. If you want to see results, Stop doing what doesn't work, start doing what does work.
Alot of people won't agree with what I've said but if you want to see your wife change her tune, do this. And if she doesn't change her tune, you can rest your head now knowing that you've tried everything and then you can proceed moving in the direction of your life without her tagging along.
