I just don't know what my next step should be. Am I doing the right thing by moving out? I do see ways in which I neglected our relationship. I know I can do better if given another chance. But I'm afraid that trying to ask him for another chance would just ruin my chances.
Don't ask for another chance, it implies "I want another chance at failing", subconsciously at any rate. Agree with this decision to separate even if it's not what you want.
Move out if you want to move out, stay if you want to stay, it is just a place that you live, nothing more. If you see the ways in which you neglected the relationship, improve on those things without requiring to be in a relationship with you. Don't pressure him, let go of your expectations on how he should act, raise the bar for yourself and do the things you think would make him feel better without coming off as needy & insecure, do it from a loving place and again when you do those things, don't expect a certain response or reaction. It took him alot of time to get to this place where he is right now (you too) and allow him the time to come back to a new place with you, somewhere he is comfortable, somewhere you are comfortable - otherwise you doom yourself to the same failure.
RobX is wise. He has given you great information. Read his words again.
Another wise Dber's(Gypsy) words : "If you know the answer is yes, then pick yes. If you know the answer is no, then pick no. If unsure, pick no". This is directed at the should I move out of the house question. If you are unsure of what you want, wait. determine what YOU want and then take action.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Can I just tell him I've changed my mind about moving out?
YES. "I have changed my mind. I am not moving out"
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Leave it up to him to move out if he wants to?
You can not control him. You can state what you want and how you feel. "I would prefer you stay. I see many other options, but if moving out is what you prefer, I will not stand in your way."
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it wouldn't change anything really - he's just been sleeping elsewhere each night that he's off work.
You have full control of YOUR boundaries. If he is elsewhere getting his needs met, not much you can do. When he is home, you have full control of how you meet his needs. Become the woman any man would be a fool to leave.
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Will it drive him away if I try to tell him I'm not just agreeing to the separation?
Actions speak louder than words. He will do what he wants. DO NOT TRY TO CONTROL HIM. Work on you and DRAW him to you.
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I called him tonight. I said I was sorry. I said I know that he asked me for attention and I didn't give it to him. He said he appreciated me saying that. And it was a little different. He talked for a bit - about the kids and about the separation - but for the first time, he didn't seem in a rush to get off the phone.
NICE.
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So I feel like my next move is really important. I don't want to mess it up worse.
Every move thought, action and word is important. Always do you best. Commit to personal growth. Keep doing what works. Stop doing what does not work. Be very cognoscente of his reactions to your actions....
Just remember, everything will be OK whatever he chooses. Keep taking the high road. You have a great place for support and guidance here.
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
