Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Newbie.....dealing with a MLC'er....

Drew,

Not shying away from you or anything....

Just that you have some really great insight coming your way, and I hope you take the time to really absorb the things being said here....

This is a long a$$ journey for all of us...

Part of what you can control here is YOUR understanding of this symptom called MLC.

Just letting you know that a lot of people are reading and are with you....

Hang tough.......

I appreciate all of the advice. Right now, I am focusing on being the best father for my son. I am reflecting on what I could have done better in our relationship.

I am just now starting to understand that she was going to have to face these issues. I didn't think it would happen now.

From what I have read....

You being a single Dad now.....is a huge reflection for you...

I always said that everything happens for a reason...

I was given this gift, and yes I said gift, to be a better parent...

In some cases, to just be a parent at all....

God gives you exactly the problems you need to fix yourself....

Your perspective through out this will be the difference for you.

Nothing you do now will change the outcome, but then again , everything you do now will change the outcome....

Mach,


I never thought of it that way. Thank you for giving me something to reflect on.

To do that he has to love himself.

So, how does a MLC'er face his or her issues?

Is that why they withdrawal or leave for an OP?

Can someone explain that to me?

My wife faced hers when she hit rock bottom, and still had to face them when she came back.

Its only speculation on my part as to why the withdrawl and OP, nothing definite.

Most of them do it...so there is likely some common thread.

Trying to understand MLC without having one, is like trying to describe what it is like to be an alcoholic penguin.

I have good guesses, but no real answer.

Your using logic to try and explain...logically a very chaotic and illogical situation.

MLCers have what I referred to as "pockets of sanity". Fleeting moments when they know something serious is going on with them and that they are behaving very badly and making very bad decisions that they might not be able to undo. Those moments don't come in the beginning of a MLC though. They begin well into the ride, when the consequences start raining down. Still, denial remains the strongest player in the MLC. And keeping the mirror on everyone and everything but themselves allows the MLCer to blame everyone and/or everything BUT themselves.

It's the emotional stuff that they can't even explain to themselves that causes the withdrawal. The other person enters as a distraction, a band-aid if you will. Something, anything, to make them "feel" better. Most of the time, those people end up to be collateral damage. Innocent bystanders (although of questionable morals many times) that get swept up in the storm. They are not the root of the problem. They are a symptom.

For that provisio alone, I love you Amy.

Sentimental pirate...