So she came and we talked. I told her i was sorry for "spying on her" and she proceeded to tell me that she is done. I kept my composure and we talked some more.
I told her that every now and then I have the urge to look at her phone but don't and feel that she gave me a bad rap since day 1 of the separation. She has been thinking that i have been hacking into her email and such for a couple of months now, which i have not been.
I reiterated that this was a one time thing and she proceeded to tell me that she wasn't sure she believed me. A whole lot better than "no i do NOT believe you".
After a while we hugged and cracked a couple of jokes and she left. Right before she left I told her not to give up on us. That i will never give up on us. She shook her head and said she didn't know, but i whispered that I knew it would.
THEN.....she texted me:
My heart hurts.
I called her and right after she said hello i said my heart hurts to because i need you and I miss you.
She said, I miss you too.
My heart was floating again. She cried on the phone when i told her i needed her.
Im gonna say this was a good sign, but now i need to proceed with caution.
I have IC on monday and MC on tuesday.
I hope i can get out of this whole.
Karen thank you so much for words of encouragement. Lotus, thanks for the 2x4s.
Last night after our phonecall she called me again and it was D. W had told her about my idea of ridin bikes together and she got excited so W invited me over and told me it was ok as long ad we weren't lovey dovey or talk about the R. Fine with me. This whole email reading thing is blown way out proportion anyways. She obviously thinks it was the straw that broke the camels back but I think she was just waiting for An excuse to blow up and say that things are not getting better. I calmy brought up all the goood thing we had done during the week, respecting boundaries, good communication, helping out around the house. She acknowleged those and we went from there. We spent the evening meeting all the neighbors Nd she referred to me as her husband several times. Not sure if it was because she wanted to avoi d telling everyone we are having issues or because I am her husband and she wanted people to know.
We even discussed future plans with the housing and she kept saying how much we would enjoy living there.
However her demeanor is very cautious. We went from snuggling and kissing to sitting on the couch sepeartely. Hugs are still there but she moves her cheek over when try to kiss her. Thats a big step back. She is angry at the spying. I get that.
Out bankruptcy got delayed again. So any divorce talk is on hold till after it. Then nothing will be holding her bak from filing.
I feel that time is against me now. That the moment that bankruptcy goes through there is nothing there to hold us together. And after this episode her mind is made up.
Last night after our phonecall she called me again and it was D. W had told her about my idea of ridin bikes together and she got excited so W invited me over and told me it was ok as long ad we weren't lovey dovey or talk about the R. Fine with me. This whole email reading thing is blown way out proportion anyways. She obviously thinks it was the straw that broke the camels back but I think she was just waiting for An excuse to blow up and say that things are not getting better. I calmy brought up all the goood thing we had done during the week, respecting boundaries, good communication, helping out around the house. She acknowleged those and we went from there. We spent the evening meeting all the neighbors Nd she referred to me as her husband several times. Not sure if it was because she wanted to avoi d telling everyone we are having issues or because I am her husband and she wanted people to know.
We even discussed future plans with the housing and she kept saying how much we would enjoy living there.
However her demeanor is very cautious. We went from snuggling and kissing to sitting on the couch sepeartely. Hugs are still there but she moves her cheek over when try to kiss her. Thats a big step back. She is angry at the spying. I get that.
Out bankruptcy got delayed again. So any divorce talk is on hold till after it. Then nothing will be holding her bak from filing.
I feel that time is against me now. That the moment that bankruptcy goes through there is nothing there to hold us together. And after this episode her mind is made up.
I do not know what to do.
Have you read DB or DR. Sorry to be blunt, but it doesn't sound like you have. Not trying to be an a$$, but the techniques you are trying are probably not going to work.
First, she is on a rollercoaster, so she will be up and down. No rhyme or reason. It just is.
You seem to be moving WAY too fast and have some unrealistic expectations - that things will resolve very quickly. They might, but probably won't.
The email reading may not be a big thing...to you or anyone esle. But the has NOTHING to do with the issue, which is her PERCEPTION. If she thinks it's a big deal, then it IS. If you dismiss this as her being silly or unreasonable, you will not like where this ends up.
Bringing up the great things from this week - STOP doing this. It's pursuit, and it will probably push her further away. She knows the good things. You reminding her seems desperate. Point is, she won't believe you telling her how great things were. She will only believe you living the changes that make things great. And that takes time.
I hope you don't think I'm being a jerk - I really am not trying to be. But, I think you need to think about what you're doing. I would review DR/DB and put those ideas into practice.
Did you specifically find proof of cheating? She left her email open...shame on her-it's a lot different than installing a keylogger or taking her password. Maybe you might want to avoid "the talk" why you consider what this new info does or doesn't mean to you? Her feelings matter but so does yours!
i have. Letting her initiate contact is the hardest cuz of our daughter.
But here is what i have been doing. When she does text i am happy and upbeat.
When she asks me to baby sit so she can go out, i accept.
WHen sitting on the couch i let her start talking and listen to what she says.
Couple of other things you can do. Don't always accept the babysitting gig. You're busy too, right?
Good on letting her initiate conversation. Try to be the one who leaves the conversation first. I often (still do) retreat to "my" bedroom first in the evening to go to sleep. I don't want her thinking I'm waiting around for her.
GAL. Go out and be vague about where you are going, IF she asks. Don't lie, just be vague.
You are trying to give her the impression you are not putting your life on hold to wait for her.
well yesterday was a pretty good day. We went on a field trip with D3 together. During the car ride there a song came on the radio that my w loves and she immediately grabbed my hand and held it till after the song was over. I must admit i got teary eyed myself. I don't know who sings it but it is the country song about a guy singing about I wanna make you close your eyes.
Later she invited me back to her new house for lunch. She made me a grilled cheese while i worked a bit.
Then of to IC. That went well and it will spill over into out MC today.
I was then invited to dinner and to watch heroes and house (tradition). I decided i was going to put a pink rose on her pillow and let her find it.
She did and was very smiley and cuddly the rest of the night. She even kissed me on the lips again.
After the shows where over it was time for me to go, so i got up and we hugged again for what seemed a long time. She mentioned that she might not be able to sleep tonight again(last night she didn't and neither did I). So i told her i would stay a bit long and we cuddled on the couch.
I sat there with her head in my lap as i lightly stroked the side of her face and hair. She closed her eyes, just like the song said.
I felt her starting to breath heavily and she almost started crying. So i held her tighter. I brought her up to me and kissed her on the lips and just held her there and she just smiled and cuddled back.
It was getting late so up i went again. WE kissed, more deeply and for longer period.
I noticed she was still stressing about something and it was the MC session. She always seems to stress about it. I asked her why and she said she feels stuck in the mud and doesn't know how to get out or if she even can get out.
I told her that maybe we should ask the MC how to get out of the mud. She said ok.
After I got home, i texted her that got home safe and that snuggling felt right to me and that i missed her.
This morning i got a text message back from her saying, i miss you too.
Point of order- yesterday she called me just to tell me that her sister was pregnant and that she was bursting to tell someone, so she told me. That felt good.
Sister texted me today that she was pregnant but not to tell anyone.
I am cautious about what she is going to say at the MC. After the breach in trust on friday, the uphill battle continues.
My plan is to sit in counseling and listen. If she tries to rip into me or continues to insist its over, then im going to say i would like a break, walk out for 5 min and come back in and hug her.
