Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Article: Is physical or emotional cheating worse?

Speaking from personal experience, I would say that my whole outlook on life and trust has changed since I learnt of my H's infidelity. I no longer have the innocent, happy go lucky approach to others that I had. I am a lot more jaded and often look at 'what's in it' for the other person when someone is 'nice' to me these days. I don't like feeling like that......but it's how I am now. I no longer feel able to take things at face value.

Ohh so true. it bites in engaging relationships, but at least I can say for myself that I was far too trusting of people before and usually got burned, so going through the infidelity and trust issues, I have a postivie emergence of being more questionable and cautious of other's intent these days.

Something else I believe is that we become more critical and have higher expectations for our future partners. We don't overlook things that we would have with our spouses. Perhaps it's unrealistic and unfair to the new people in our lives.

I find that although Mr. A seemed to be "perfect" at first, now I feel almost "taken for granted". We have been seeing each other for two months.

At first he seemed to do everything right. Now, I am finding things that bug me. It seems like he has settled into the "old married couple" phase already. We often just have dinner at his place and watch a video. I want to go out to a movie or a restaurant, even just a walk around the mall. Just not stay at home all the time.

Am I being overly critical...probably. It seems that I almost feel "entitled" to meet Mr. Perfect since my EX put me through so much.

So I think the betrayal also plays havoc with our future relationships. Ex was not even close to being perfect, but I put up with it so long. Why am I already being so critical of Mr. A?

Have you told him this? If he said no, just want to stay home, then maybe he's not the right guy for you. Also, you could plan some of your nights together too, right? If there's a concert or movie you want to see, ask him if he wants to go? I don't think you should settle in anyway.

Yoyo, I think you are being critical of Mr A because your STBX didn't give you a whole lot over the last couple of years. You want times to still feel special and by that I don't necessarily mean expensive. I really think you need to let him know now before you start to resent it.

Maybe your not telling him is an issue too because gee, see where it got you with H? Not every man is your H. I think Mr A does have a full plate right now but that doesn't mean that he isn't willing to still get out with you. Just talk to him!!

kat

Yoyo,

I think that through all of the GAL we learn what WE want in a R.
SO, weather we remain in an R with spouse or begin a new R We need to tell them point blank what we want and the rest is up to them.
If they can't give us what we need then we have decisions to make for us.
We just need to remember that they can't read our minds and they may think what they are or are not doing is fine without that knowledge.

TELL him what you want, see what happens.

JAK

Sorry, Theo. I missed engaging that "smart-*ss font." I think the world of you, too. But I didn't exactly succeed in saving my marriage. Not even sure, sometimes, if I've succeeded in saving myself.

HM,
Yes, you have survived, you are a wonderful, breathing, loving individual. You not only made it, you have also brought your DD through it..


I agree with Theo, whether your marriage survived or not, DBers are amazing individuals. They loved their families enough to keep trying when many would have thrown in the towel.

Hoosier,



It's not that you saved your marriage, or that you saved yourself. It's that your were faithful and trustworthy.

Loyalty, compassion and faithfulness mean a lot to me.

And you have tons of that.

Yoyo....you are sooo amazing. I think you need to tell Mr. A what you want. If he's putting your feet to sleep, move on. That's why it's called dating. It's up to you. He can be a sweet, loyal guy but also a home-body. What do YOU want? Maybe date around and go back to Mr. A after you've played the field.

awww, thanks Theo. I appreciate that. Not to be cavalier, but y'know, if I was a dog I'd be a golden retriever with those traits. Not to mention my hair color.