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That's strategy and very likely to get you exactly what you do not want.
Despite the number of posts listed under my name I'm no newbie here.

Your problem is that you are not getting what you want so you're trying to come up with a plan that you hope will get you the response you desire - HER reaching out to you.

Bad move.

All strategies are.

I see the word "detachment" being thrown around but let me tell you from right here at jump street, give up trying to "get there". You can't. Detachment comes IN TIME. Basically until then, fake it til you make it and do your best to drop every single expectation you could possibly be holding dear to your heart.

Don't sweat the 9th.
You reached out and asked if you could be there - she told you yes.
THAT IS SOMETHING.

Now when you're there don't be a weiner and expect her, before or after her procedure, to take care of YOU because you don't like hospitals. Be the man that you are, the man that you are becoming. Project confidence and show her what she's losing. She'll see. She might not say anything, but she WILL see. So don't worry if she doesn't say anything for a while. Just BE THE MAN THAT YOU ALWAYS SHOULD HAVE BEEN - who you are NOW becoming. Also, don't worry that it took the rug gettin' pulled out from under you to get you to wake up. Happens to the best of us.

Press on towards the mark!


Peace,

Amy

Today I accidentally came across some old texts between us. They confirmed that she has been GIVING ME A ROADMAP to a happy R. I have been ignoring her clear signals for years! She's been giving me signals lately that indicate she needs her space but also that she wants contact and closeness with me. I am really seeing how confused she is in what she wants.

Going dark may cause her to pursue me even harder. But showing her that I care, that I'm changing and listening to her signals may help to topple that wall.

Example: she won concert tickets and went on about them. She couldn't go due to a kid-related situation then changed her mind and told me she didn't know who to ask. I say I'll go, then I backpedal and say never mind before she can shoot me down. Trying not to be needy but showing I'm there if she's interested. I guess I should have just ignored the whole thing, said "cool, have fun."

These are treacherous waters!! One wrong turn and boom!

I have. What's the analogy?

Yes, Amy. I know strategies are bad. I feel that in my gut but the urge to get "the goal" sometimes gets so strong! I always thought I was a smart guy but this is teaching me how dumb I really am. Not a bad thing, but realizing that clever solutions don't save the day and that I have A LOT to learn about Rs and myself.

Won't wuss out at the doctor's. Tend to be a stand up guy when situations arise. The fix is being a stand up guy every day.

And that rug isn't the issue. I pulled it out from under her a few times. The issue is love, darn my sappy soul. I just need to keep that in mind.

Thanks.

In my mind this is very dangerous thinking! Sure, you don't want to backslide. and if you backslide enough, you will be done. But, if you are thinking that "one wrong move, and it's over", then you are already done anyway. You can't do the things you need to do for yourself if you are thinking that way.

You need to consider your actions, and attitudes. You need to think before you act, or talk. But DB is more a way of living than a set of steps, even if the books try to make it look like it is steps.

Are they treacherous waters? Yes, they are. But there's more than one way through, and more than one ending. One wrong turn is not the end.

I think it's about removing stuff and rebuilding without having it all collapse around you. I'm assuming.

And if Amy posts to you, listen. She knows what she is talking about, more than almost anyone here. And she will tell you if you are messing up!

true. But the sense of impending doom is hard to shake at times, even the best of them. I get your point, though. Thanks.

Good!! I really need that right now! Poignant that that's also W's name.

Shaking the sense of impending doom would be a good idea. It's going to color your actions, and that isn't a good thing.