Is there is an OW. I never thought my H could do something like this either, but he did, and it blew up in his face. Now he's trying to work on things while feeling very stupid and embarassed. I can help work on things in our R but I can't (and won't) do anything about his feelings of embarassment.
It's hard to believe and I know you just don't want to, but chances are very high, there is another person.
In many of the books I've read, there's statistics and all the books back each other up.....men rarely leave their marriages without another woman lined up or they have their eye on someone.
Wow, this guy sounds just like my H did in the beginning, when he dropped the "I dont Love you" bomb! I asked him if there was someone else. And his response was "No, I sware there is nobody else, but I'll be honest and tell you that I've been thinking about it" Truth was... there WAS somebody else, but it was an EA, nothing physical yet (or so he says). So in his mind, he was doing nothing wrong. Later I found out that within a couple days of him telling me all of this, he was already in love with her, spending the night at her place, etc. So while I may never know if it was a PA at the time, it doesnt matter to me, it was an A either way. He also made all of these promises in the beginning "i'd cut off my right arm for you... you can have everything.. we'll get through this together... etc"... that went downhill fast... One example: First he said I could have all the proceeds from the house.. then he said he wanted some, but I could have the majority.. then it was 50/50.. and then, it was 'we need to sell the house asap regardless of what we lose, because I'm buying my own place'.. These changes were all within just a few months! He also said he was in no rush to divorce, that we could just be seperated (not legal seperation), for a while, and a few weeks later, he filed, and wanted to get it done as soon as possible.
So of course my opinion is also that your H has an OW... sorry! Of course we could all be wrong!
Me: 36 H: 33 S1: 4 S2: 2 Together: 13 years Married: 7 years Bomb: May 09 Found out about affair: June 09 Moved out: June 09 He Filed: July 09 Moved in with OW: July 09
