Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Not Me...Ever part 2

Serenity, I don't think there's anything wrong with telling him the door is always open.

He just needs to know that there are now going to be CONDITIONS placed upon his coming thru that door, based on his recent decisions and behavior.

And there's still time and opportunity for you to backfill that information. BUT LET HIM COME TO YOU -- STOP PURSUING HIM.

I don't think you should tell your son what to say and not to say to his father -- just let that play out. Don't ENcourage him nor DIScourage him, one way or another. He probably feels put in the middle.

Oh, and GET YOUR LOCKS CHANGED IMMEDIATELY. Your husband, by deserting you with no warning, has given up any rights to just come and go in that house as he pleases, and go through your things. Don't tell him you're doing this -- JUST DO IT.

Puppy

PDT is right. Protect and look after yourself first and foremost.

You can't control your H or your S, so make your place as safe and secure as possible for you.

Thank you Puppy and Stuck...

I was worried there for a minute...I can't believe I got sucked into the sadness...Easier when I don't talk to him or see him...If I talk to him again I will reiterate there are conditions and he already knows this I may add...I can't change the locks since it isn't my house but I will tell son to keep the door locked when he is there...Kinda creepy he was looking through my stuff though...

I am trying to not tell son what to say or not say however when he starts a conversation with his Dad by saying "Hey A*****E" I have a huge problem with that...I understand the anger, we all do...I don't however condone disrespect regardless of the circumstances especially from a child.

I will pull back on that though...Maybe hubby is feeling him out, not sure...He still hasn't contacted the little one though...

Back to going really dark now...Thanks again!!

You just keep yourself busy and you'll be fine.

Thank you Stuck....

I will say it is MUCH easer with him out of the house then when he was in the house...

Sad to say

I don't think telling your son not to speak that way is telling him what to say, I think it is enforcing a standard of behavior.

"Son, I understand you are probably angry with your dad right now, and I am sorry you are having to deal with these feelings. It is okay to express your anger to your father, but it is not okay to be disrespectful. Be honest, be truthful, but profanity is not the way to go about it or be heard."

You might help your son find those words...so, when he starts a convo with his dad that begins, "You A**hole," what does he really mean? What are those things that hurt? How is he hurting? Your son could learn now how to be truthful with his feelings while learning how to detach from the actions of others. "I'm angry because you walked out on me. I'm your son, and you left without a word. I feel worthless and I don't really want to talk to you right now."

Do you see? Help your son speak the truth in a way that honors his feelings. I wish I'd learned that as a child.

SD

Thank you SD...

I printed out a portion of what you said and let S know this was acceptable...(I didn't want him to see this website)...He knows cursing isn't acceptable regardless of how you are feeling at that time.

Hubby called this morning to talk to the little one...He told him that he would be home soon - Not sure how to process that right now...

All is good today...I did speak to hubby for a few but then stated I had to get to work...

He kept asking me how I was, how the boys were etc...All i said was it is all good...

Hope you all are having a great day!

Serenity,

You are doing good, honestly. Give yourself some credit, especially how you keep it together in front of your kids.

Thank you Wifey...From you that means a lot

And I meant it from the heart.