It must be true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, because after the first two weeks of a trial separation, the fetching Mrs. Puppy and I have never been closer.
So much has happened I hardly know where to begin.
We rented a house about two miles from here, for her, our pregnant D20, and S13 and S16 to live in. I was to remain in our marital home, taking care of the dog, and doing some badly needed cleaning and repairs. I would still take S13 to school every morning, I'd make dinner for them Mon-thru-Thurs evenings while my wife worked, and we were going to do every-other-weekend with the boys.
The dog's been missing the family and moping around, the poor guy, so W and sons have been picking him up after school and taking them to their house for what we call "doggy cay-care." He was SOOO happy!
My wife and I had agreed to date other people. She had wanted this, and I had fought it for months, but I finally conceded, after a lot of thought and after reading Robx's and Gucci's posts and thoughts on the subject. I didn't want to get seriously involved with anyone, but after a long-term SSM I was anxious to see what else was out there and just begin socializing again.
Well, to make a long story short, my wife COMPLETELY changed her thoughts on this subject! She did NOT like the idea of me dating, suddenly stated that SHE had no desire to date anyone else, and only wanted us to date each other, to try and work on our marriage.
She also really wanted us all together in the same house, and was missing me very much. And the ironic thing was that we've been getting along better than ever, including MORE affection, MORE sex and more emotional intimacy than any other time in YEARS!
I stayed friendly and politely disagreed, saying that I thought the separation was good for us, and the fact that we were growing and changing so much was BECAUSE of it, and that it forced us to confront some things, and that I thought we should "stay the course."
She agreed with that.
I thing I posted previously that she asked me out on a date a couple of weeks ago, paying for everything, and we just had a really nice time. That's when the MLing started again, but things got put on hold with our move, and D20's sitch, and some female symptoms that W was having which have since gone away. This weekend, I decided to return the "date" invite, and as our funds are squeezed VERY tightly right now, I made it a private dinner "at my house."
I really did it up nice, with fresh flowers, a late time (8:30), and an amazing four-course menu, and a loop of a bunch of "our songs" on my laptop speakers. Candles (she loves candles). Wine. Just some really good, relaxing conversation.
We both had the best time we've probably ever had on any date, and no, it wasn't just the "fifth course," either. It was just GOOD. It's like we're re-discovering who (my first name) and (wife's first name) are, and not just "Mr. and Mrs. Puppy." Having stared into the Div./Sep. abyss, it's like there's no pressure on us, and we can just ENJOY EACH OTHER or something.
Anyway, this is already really long, and I just wanted to update everyone. The whole thing started this weekend with my going on a date Friday nite, and my wife texting and then calling my cellphone in TEARS, and suddenly having cold feet about the whole damned thing. I would strongly encourage anyone, if you haven't done so already, to consider social dating as one tool in your DB arsenal, IF the two of you agree on it or if there is infidelity involved on your spouse's part. It's a powerful, powerful dynamic, and while it's not a solution in and of itself, it can lead to some pretty dramatic soul-searching.
fyi, I have agreed to date my wife exclusively, BUT to maintain separate residences for now, and SHE wants us to see her IC jointly for marriage counseling. I think it's a good compromise, and "the Right Thing to Do," so we'll see how this goes.
Puppy
HUMAN TOUCH Bruce Springsteen
You and me we were the pretenders We let it all slip away In the end what you don't surrender Well the world just strips away
Girl, ain't no kindness in the face of strangers Ain't gonna find no miracles here Well you can wait on your blesses my darlin' But I got a deal for you right here
I ain't lookin' for praise or pity I ain't comin' 'round searchin' for a crutch I just want someone to talk to And a little of that Human Touch Just a little of that Human Touch
Ain't no mercy on the streets of this town Ain't no bread from heavenly skies Ain't nobody drawin' wine from this blood It's just you and me tonight
Tell me, in a world without pity Do you think what I'm askin's too much I just want something to hold on to And a little of that Human Touch Just a little of that Human Touch
Oh girl that feeling of safety you prize Well it comes at a hard hard price You can't shut off the risk and the pain Without losin' the love that remains We're all riders on this train
So you've been broken and you've been hurt Show me somebody who ain't Yeah, I know I ain't nobody's bargain But, hell, a little touchup and a little paint...
You might need somethin' to hold on to When all the answers, they don't amount to much Somebody that you could just to talk to And a little of that Human Touch
Baby, in a world without pity Do you think what I'm askin's too much I just want to feel you in my arms Share a little of that Human Touch Feel a little of that Human Touch Give me a little of that Human Touch
Glad to hear man... I haven't been posting as much but I have been checking in each day. I hope to be able to give advice to benefit people, even if things didn't work out as I originally intended in my situation.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
And they called it puppy love Oh i guess they'll never know how a young heart really feels and just why i love her so and they called it puppy love
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I suspect that often the WAS feels trapped in the marriage and wants to get out and date others so as to help them feel less trapped. But they never really consider that the LBS could also do the same.
It seems as if the prospect of you dating has helped your W to realize she could easily end up losing you.
The dating scene can be fun, but it has its own drawbacks. I'm in touch with 4 different ladies right now and it can be quite the juggling act.
Go Pup go. This was such a nice post. Enjoy the dating your wife. I must say that H and I have had some really fun times with our sep too. The less pressure does wonders. I might just try a date or two more myself. Good for my self esteem too. HAVE FUN!!!
I'm happy for your success as well. You just never know what is going to be the catalyst for change in these WAS.
I am just 4 short days away from having my W move out and I do intend on "testing" the waters via Match.com once she moves out. Admittedly I am a bit nervous since I haven't dated in more than 17 years other than my W.
My wife continues to text me throughout the day, call me, etc. When I'm at their house, she is full of physical touch and affection. Lots of hugs, kisses, arm scratches, etc.
I'm also impressed with how neat and clean she's been keeping their house, and how much more the boys are stepping up to help.
I really do think this time of separation will be a time of positive growth -- for ALL of us.
He was SOOO happy!
It was just GOOD. It's like we're re-discovering who (my first name) and (wife's first name) are, and not just "Mr. and Mrs. Puppy." Having stared into the Div./Sep. abyss, it's like there's no pressure on us, and we can just ENJOY EACH OTHER or something.
