Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers got served seperation paperwork

thank you so much c-bart,

your right it really difficult because her family has been mine all my life. divorce with my wife also feels like my family is divorcing me. let alone my family doesnt understand why i still trying and beat myself up when the odds dont look good.

i have to try, i said for better or worse and meant it.

well talked to the lawyer. he said he knows her lawyer well. he also said i should move back to va. the problem there is i got a dwi here in texas so i dont think im allowed to. plus i own three horses. any advice? this is killing me

the whole thing about moving back to va has had me rattled all evening. if i do sell my horses borrow money for a truck and work it out with the legal system....she may still not come around.maybe worse she may be considering her options now,i have a large home here and alot of land. if i go back i dont know if i can even support myself the economy there is a mess.

wish there was a magic eight ball or something .err

well i talked to my wife this morning. she called me. its so hard not to let her pull me into an arguement. anything and i mean everything about me is an negative.

she said im getting my brother to call her ,he was trying to get a hold of the kids. she also said i need to move on and she is for the first time in her live happy.

she said she tryed for eight years to work things out with me.thats crap...i wish she would stop being defensive and start being honest.

i need some support bad! my own family is so angry with me for hanging on.

TB,

You have to figure out what's important to you.

At this point, you've got to stay calm when you do speak with your W. Don't be baited into arguments. Only communicate with her about the kids and other essentials. Politely end the conversation if it begins to turn ugly or you feel yourself getting angry. Make sure your L is OK with you initiating contact if you need to.

You're not going to have much of a relationship with your kids if you remain in TX. Regardless of what happens with your W, you will always be the Father of your children.

Assuming you want to be in your kids lives, start taking steps to make it happen.

Can you begin to look for work in VA while still in TX?

Cabbr

the biggest thing about moving back is im out on bond for a dwi here in texas. so i guess first thing would be to talk to my lawyer here and see what the state is willing to do to work with me.

iknow getting a dwi doesnt look very attractive but i dont know many people here and was drinking a bit to much in the evenings trying to kill the pain for a few.

i feel like i have thrown my life away moving here.

A couple of things..

First. Stop blaming her family. She has been with you FAR too long for that excuse to be believed. This is HER doing. I am sure her family is supporting her, but she is making this decision on her own.

Next.. What is this "abuse" all about. I don't know you from Adam, so just because you say there wasn't any, doesn't mean it isn't true. Many abusers deny their abuse. Are you in denial? Why would she leave you and use abuse as the issue if you were so good to her for so long? Don't you see that wouldn't make sense?

Next... My best estimation is that there IS another man in the picture if there hasn't been abuse.

Women don't just up and leave if you haven't abused them and and/or if there isn't another man. The percentages of women who are doing what your wife is doing is VERY VERY high that there is another man in her thoughts. Most men deny and just won't believe their wife would or could do such a thing. I would say this is a very distinct possibility. She is showing all the classic signs.

That is my take. It is hard to help someone reconcile if we don't know the facts. It then becomes nothing more than a guessing game or a trial by error method....

First we need to figure out the truth and sort out the facts...

Any abuse? any at ALL? NONE? SOME? Any SHE would consider abuse that you don't??.. None? Verbal? Never "accidently" pushed her? when drinking?....

if no abuse whatsoever then why would she leave?
Her dad????? (I highly doubt it)

Another man???? (high possibility based on the thousands of these I have read and observed over the years)


We need the facts..

there was a little verbal through out the years , expecally during the move on both our parts. and no i have never hit her i have restrained her before we got married that was the only time.

she did get a job for the first time in her life and enjoys it. she never wanted to work before bc she wanted to make sure noone eles was raising our kids.

thanks for the input i can use all i can get.

ive done 9 coaching sessions and my coach said i have to reopen the doors of communication. how do i do that? she also said i have to let the dust settle. how long does that take ? i thought we would at least be talking by now.

or does it have to settle again due to lawyers and what not?

i wish i had the money to do more coaching, it helped a lot.
i dont know how to start talking with her without it looking like im pursueing.

any advice ?