Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Cake eating WAW in MLC and EA part 2

Hi GIMA,

I don't really know. These folks only just found out the other day. They were shocked and totally unaware. (I'm thinking, didn't you notice that I was a walking zombie all though our kids' baseball season?) This particular guy is a believer in family and staying together - gee we should have used him as a marriage counselor.

From what he said to me, my W just fed him kind of a standard paint by numbers rationale: that I'm too set in my ways and not accepting of her wanting to do things and not make her feel guilty. No being supportive of her extra curricular activities, which is a fairy tale.

My W left out the money issues, the surgery, and the EA , of course and I didn't educate my friend in that regard except to say there's a lot more that you don't know about. He had had a few pops and thought, there's a way to fix this - you can be cured.

He's just coming up to speed on this and getting his hands around it. His perception is not of one who has been living in mental anguish for months on end.

So to answer your question, I don't think it's anything my W said to lead him to believe there's hope. I know from past experience that my W provides vague and innocuous reasons to friends/family for her wanting a D, i.e. "I just couldn't take the negativity anymore." In short, my W tries to make it cut and dry without too much explaining.

Cabbr

Hi Sandi,

I hope this evening finds you well.

I think the gossip aspect is now bound to start happening. Until yesterday, I think there was only one other local neighbor/friend that knew anything. Actually, there had to be at least two because my W is using a realtor neighbor to look at houses and must have said something to her.

When he said something to me about hey how are you doing - I was a little taken aback and immediately began thinking well who else here knows about all this - it's kind of unsettling.

Cabbr

Ok, this is one of the gaping holes in the db method. There is no way that you can keep family or friends from finding out, unless you live in isolation from them. They aren't stupid, and besides, the WAS usually has a head start on this anyway.

You might as well get as much, as you are comfortable with, of your side of the story out. You aren't the one who's done anything to be ashamed of, so why should the WAS be protected from their own sh!tty behavior?

Thanks Kimmie Lee.

Yesterday was a really weird day for me. I never actually saw my W during the court proceeding. My L negotiated with her L in a small conference room and then came back to the room I was waiting in. My L indicated to me that my W seemed really pissed and was in complete entitlement mode that I was not giving her what she wanted. Well she got some of what she wanted.

Later I went to our friends' house where our boys were playing. My W was looking after all the kids while our neighbor went to pick up her little one. My W didn't seem at all irritable and was actually talkative. In some respects it was as if the previous two hours had never occurred. Neither of us mentioned it.

My view is that she got her immediate money issues somewhat resolved, so why shouldn't she be satisfied. The wardrobe train can keep rolling unimpeded with her allowance.

I've no idea how I'm going to pay significant upcoming expenses because now I have to basically give my W whatever cash I can muster to help pay off her debt associated with courses she is taking to launch a new part time career. This because there was no interim agreement in place previously.

I'm in kind of a crappy state of mind today. No, make that pissed. Until now, our situation was pretty much kept under wraps and it just irks me. I know it's going to happen eventually. I almost feel like I don't care what she says to our mutual friends. What difference does it make at this point? Today my W was sunny and friendly. We went to lunch with the kids. Today, I feel like a chump.

Cabbr

It's almost as if the L's are absolutely afraid of the unknown, they want the lowest risk proposition they can negotiate, so they don't have to confront the possibility of an adverse or less than optimal outcome. I'm like, friekin' sling it down field and lay it all on the line because some things are worth risking it all. I feel like I rescued her yesterday and Greek's not going to be happy about that and ultimately neither am I.

Cabbr

Is this a debt in your name? Why would she not be responsibile for it?

Thanks for your response Sandi.

Yes, the debt is in her name. My L is basically saying that because there was no interim order in place until last Friday, that my W had just as much right to spend all our money. (With the latest expenditures, 20k+ over 5 months on HERSELF. I don't see how this is remotely equitable or why a court would necessarily say that her timetable for launching a new part-time "career" takes precedence over the family's regualr financial obligations.)

Neither do I. Time to get a new lawyer.

Seriously, a good family law attorney should be able to make a strong case here for "squandering marital assets," and have that come from her side of the ledger.

Puppy

Puppy, and cabbr, I'm not even sure it would take a "good" family law attorney to make out that case. I agree with puppy. Time to look for a new L. What your L is saying just doesn't sound right.

PDT! GREAT to hear from you. It's taken me a while to get clarity on some of this stuff and I'm still making mistakes.

The issue of whether the money I am now required to pay her comes out of her distribution has been reserved. So I suspect I have a very good chance of prevailing ... eventually on this issue, but it just spools me up to be in the position of having to liquidate every thing I (we) have in order to feed her entitlement beast. It feels very much like I've rescued her.

My L takes a long view with respect to my goals of staying in the house, getting the kids as much as possible and preserving some semblance of financial security. My L made a point of saying it's HUGE that I'm still in the house after this initial proceeding, but that there had to be some quid pro quo to avoid credit problems for my W. This AM I told my L I wanted to get the temporary order amended and haven't heard back.

Cabbr