Hi KK and 25..my honest take on this...the desire to take her kids to her cousin's party is real. However, it was foisted on me with little warning and without asking me...TOLD me that she was going to take them on my only full day with them, Saturday.
She refused to let my D6 go FOR ONE HOUR to her assistant coach's daughter's BD so that she could take her to the BD party OF MY FRIEND AND COLLEAGUE...that party is 1-4....the prior one was 12-2. D6 could have gone to the other one for an hour. BTW...that colleague is the one whose W died of breast cancer that kicked off my STBXW's bomb in May '06. Whether right or wrong, I had approached him months ago telling him that I am uncomfortable attending events at his house if my STBXW was going to attend. I requested that he send invitations to my office, which he did a few weeks ago. This time, he mailed it to the house and STBXW 'hid it' and RSVP'd since it was on Sunday. So...my good friend and colleague is hosting my STBXW at HIS house...to enjoy a day there....in spite of my telling him of what she is doing to me. It's a problem....for me...and one of those classic divorce story/friendship loss issues.
Anyway she refused. She refused Citifield and refused her teammates BD party...BUT DEMANDS I give up my day for a cousin's BD party WHILE SHE IS AT WORK.
It's very easy....SELFISH, manipulative and using the kids. Honest. Not only that...I left her a note yesterday that...in SPITE of all that..if she was willing to work with me and cede some time on Sunday, I would try and do the same on Saturday.
No response. She also threatened me with taking them from me for half a day on FATHER'S DAY. As you all know, that is against family law here. Kids with dad on FD...kids with mom on MD. She threatened to take them on FD.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
No response. She also threatened me with taking them from me for half a day on FATHER'S DAY. As you all know, that is against family law here. Kids with dad on FD...kids with mom on MD. She threatened to take them on FD.
I wish she would do just that. I would love for her to put the hammer right in your hand.....
I wish I knew the words that would make some of this go away my friend. Your wife has become someone that I could never imagine anyone becoming.
I do believe it's time for you to flex your muscles, even if just a tad. You have done it in the past with some success (thinking of the short shorts).
Is it not possible to forward to her lawywer through yours a more "formal" informal agreement on some basic time for Mom and Dad only? Clearly there was a verbal agreement at some point in time between the two of you. Now, for whatever reasons and for whatever motivation, she is choosing to directly attack that on a regular basis. I would be inclined to ask my attorney to mail hers with a letter to the effect that X day will be Dad's day and Y day will be Mom's day, and the two of you will attempt to cooperate on the other days.
Not that she would be inclined to either accept or follow such a thing. Seems to me however that it wouldn't hurt in any event to have an official record of you ATTEMPTING to work out a reasonable co-parenting arrangement, even if she refuses.
Short of that, I say stand up for your informal time with the kids. Keep it short and simple. Tell her that the plans made for your day with the kids are not doable, as you have previous plans and intend to keep them intact.
Yes, it is possible that she will make a scene. You cannot control her actions, neither can you completely insulate your children from their mothers irrationality.
You would not let a burglar come in to your home and not challenge him simply because you did not want your children to see confrontation. I know, it's a bad analogy. But the point is that such unreasonable actions will always continue if no one steps up to put a stop to them. I believe that there is a well known quote to the effect that evil can only flourish when there is no good man of courage who chooses to stand up to it.
You have spared your children much and in the process taken it on the chin time after time. Each of us would do much the same. Still, there comes a time when we finally have to say "no more." If anyone can pull it off, I know you can.
Sorry I've not written much. Quite honestly, I am at a loss for words (printable ones at least) when it comes to your wife's actions.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
FIB, I am so sorry for you, my friend. Just wanted to send you (((HUGS)) and tell you that you and your kids are in my prayers and so is your STBXW so that she may find a softening of her heart.
To all...my attorney called me yesterday. Apparently my cross motion woke everybody up. The LG wrote a letter basically saying, "well..maybe we should revisit the forensic psychological stuff now". Her atty now seems to want to settle this as soon as possible. She told me that her L was NOT happy about his client's religious waffling and wants ME to send HIM a list of counselor's covered by our insurance.
My cross motion requested the following relief: 1) Court ordered counseling for my kids 2) Notification of dental and medical appts. 3) Non exclusion from school projects, notifications, etc 5) Notification of baby sitting arrangements (see below)and right of first refusal with the kids 4) 'Non interference' with their religious upbringing.
Her request, as you know, requested that I be thrown out of the house, $25,000 in legal fees and temporary sole custody AND...to be able to be entitled to maintain her same standard of living.
Hmmm....I can't do that so why should she?
Mom of the year. I guess they didn't believe me last year.
It's so sad...just so sad...what people have to go thru...put each other thru.....and leave their kids as collateral damage. As I've said before, when you were the top lacrosse team in the area and you play the $hitttiest team in the area...you begin to play like $hitttttt.
In some ways, I am so frustrated to have to play this game of divorce. It's so 'not me'. I love being family. I am a romantic at heart. I am a hands on dad. I love my children deeply. I worked hard in my life to become a surgeon...yet...here I am like many others here....1 in 2 that walk down the aisle.
FIB
PS....Wednesday is usually my day with the kids..to do homework and hang, etc. Of late, her parents have been taking them STRAIGHT off the bus and I've been left without my kids for a few hours. Not only doesn't she ask me if I am available but doesn't tell me the arrangements. Yesterday, as I turned the corner to meet my kids at the bus, her father was waiting there in front of my house...the very man who sued me in small claims court. He accelerated and drove off.
I had time with my kids.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I am glad to hear some progress is being made on the legal front.
I like that the right of first refusal issue is being resolved. Your in-laws should not be allowed to intercept the kids.
Playing this game of divorce is indeed no fun at all. However, you must remain strong and not show mercy. Keep that big legal gun cocked and loaded. Put trust in your lawyers advice, but also, dont be afraid to question what your lawyer's strategy is.
It may be the harsh reality of getting some legal beatings that may convince your STBXW that it is best to try and work together peacefully in coparenting.
Yi yi yi...what Kerry and Bill said pretty much sums it all up. ((MAYBE Next time the "kids are missing from the bus" maybe you can call the cops and put out an Amber alert and say you had NO IDEA that the inlaws were picking them up and it is NOT in the agreement (which will be written soon???) so naturally you were horrified...what? your inlaws picked them up and no one told you??? WHAT??? Who would do such a thing? Ohhhhh, your stbxw...))
Seriously (not that I was joking), obviously the L action is doing something...I did laugh at the "standard of living thing"...yeah, sure. Oh wait, does that include the BEHAVIORS too?? BTW, the M was not a 10 year M (since you filed in time, thank GOD) so where is she getting that from? What did your L say to that? What's the financial picture looking like? Can you live in a decent neighborhood within 30 min of the kids? Where will they go? Will they have to move from their school district? Can we limit the inlaws CARE....or what?
Okay that is enough for now.
(((( j ))))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
FIB, Are you keeping a daily journal documenting all this? You need to show beyond a doubt a history that you are actively involved with your kids lives and school. Have on your finger tips details of their teachers, medical history, extra-curricular activities, etc. Go talk to the teachers, other parents, etc. You don't want to be defeatist in any of this. Your W is doing to accused, finger-point, manipulate, etc for a while to come.
