I'm starting to think what Dday has been saying, that our ex's are all on the same drama schedule. Actually, I think their brains are all tuned to the same radio frequency: plan 9 from outer space, or something like.
LOL, yeah, I'm not sure what frequency it is, thank goodness it's out of our reception range.
At least I can safely say that I haven't had to deal with the dropping in unanounced issue. I mean I pass 'her house' every morning and usually every night. I have only 'bumped' into my kids on a handful of occasions thus far and each time XW has been receptive to me driving them back home or what not. But on each occasion I verify with the kids if XW is home or not, otherwise it's a no go.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
But on each occasion I verify with the kids if XW is home or not, otherwise it's a no go.
You mean you check to make sure she's not there? I feel the same. I dropped off the nintendo when X was at work, so the kids were alone. If he had been there, I would have emailed him about that and worked something out. But I emailed him in future I'll email him if I'm going to drop something off. I'm fine with that.
I used to think if I just was able to do everything right, my X wouldn't be so mad at me all the time. But it really doesn't work that way; so I just try to let it go. His anger is his anger. I'm just glad I only deal with it a little bit now instead of daily like I used to.
Anger issues, yeah, when X blows a gasket like now because my life has moved on I don't give her the time of day, she has no right to be angry with me, so conversation over.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I've gotten half a dozen emails from X today. Mostly relating to custody. My L explained to me he has to have over 150 days or something (40% of the year) and he would qualify for lower child support. The first year he moved out he had no overnights with them, then went up to one a week, then a few months ago he went up to one weeknight and every other weekend. I have always allowed him to have them as much as he wanted the past 2 years. D9 said when he moved out and was seeing her the 10 hours a week,she was happy b/c she was seeing him more than when he lived with us!
So clearly his trying to get the extra night each week is to reduce child support. His rationale is to try to reduce the stress/switching homes for them each week, but then he is suggesting I have them Tuesday afternoons for activies they want to do, and then drop them off to him for the night. So that would be extra driving/switching for the kids. Makes no sense except it's really all about the $$$.
He was mentioning D9's math teacher said most couples do one week on and one week off! I have a feeling I'll be in court this next month for emergency hearing b/c X is going to try to insist on this, and I'm saying no. Do you think he'll be able to talk the judge into that. I mean from no overnights a year ago to this. Makes me sick....
He also emailed me that he finds it interesting that D9 has only wet herself at school after the nights she stays with me. I emailed him that would be interesting if true, but the first day she wet herself she had stayed the previous 2 nights with him. I told him but I'm sure it has nothing to do with staying with you and never would suggest that.
He said I've got them scheduled for so many activities they are exhausted or something. Yes, Terrific Tuesday on Tuesday, therapies on Thursday, and D9's art club on Friday. I refuse to just have her life be school and sleep. I emailed him that I am only scheduling activities and therapies on the nights I will have them, not on the nights he has them. He makes me sick!!!
Perhaps her accidents are due to the stress of school. It is so much for her to take in after having not been in school before. I would certainly make note that he is not assisting her with homework when it is so obvious that she needs some guidance and help. I would love for a judge to knock the royal baffoon down a notch or two!
You sounded so good last night. So glad that we found stuff to laugh about!
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
In the infancy stages of our D, I went with XW's plan of one week on, one week off, switching the kids. It was a nightmare, it usually took 2-3 days for them to adjust to the different parenting techniques, and they were really stressed out about it.
To say nothing about monitoring school and confusing the teachers on who to contact.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Can you imagine how much organization that would take for a week? It's not like ya'll live a few miles from each other if they forgot something they could easily come get it! He is not thinking. With your kids being autisic I'm sure they do better with a routine, heck what kid doesn't?
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Yep, same ol' same ol' with him....definitely trying to reduce the money. There isn't a competent judge around that would let the kids move from the stable time/ original routine with mom, who use to stay home with them to all of the sudden one week on and one week off.
If you think back to everything he is doing, you realize what his game plan is. Upping his time with them, trying to get them "unlabeled", getting them "unhomeschooled", getting you working, anything that he could bring up as Child negligence (sunburn, bedwetting, etc.)....all so that he doesn't have to pay as much child support/alimony. He is building his case.
He wants them unlabeled because if they are not autistic then that changes things legally. You could fight for the fact that you need to be there for your children and your job is affected by that reason. Not to mention that you have been out of the workforce for those many years. Alimony is affected because you cannot be self supporting when you have to have this type of schedule because of the kids' disabilities. Of which you had discussed when married. It is not your kid's faults that their Daddy decided to leave the family. So, the kids should get what they had before the divorce, and that is a mom who can support them and their disability. By having them more at his house, I imagine he wants to show that you are not the primary residence. The sunburn pictures, etc, are to build up a case as to your mental health and negligence.
It's like he googled "how to get out of child support and alimony" and is going through those lists of ways and trying to build up a case in each topic.
Remember that kids get more expensive as they get older. I hope you are coming up with a number that is going to cover those expenses. Do not feel guilty about having your ex pay for his children like he would have if you two were married.
YOur ex is only going to get worse as you get closer to the divorce proceedings. Be ready for that. He is the type of man that will do anything to get you rattled and get something "on" you. You should be really proud of yourself so far, Karen. YOu are not lowering yourself to his rubbish. Keep all of the emails so that the judge can see what he is up to. You can believe your stbxh is saving EVERYTHING he can to scr3w you over.
