mmmm. Yes. It does. I feel zero stress over the apt. It's going to work out. If I take the long route, the lawyer says I have about 6 months before a judge would make me leave. There's time. I hope to not have a day in court, but sometimes these things happen, and I am well prepared anyway. I long to connect with Mark. I think our troubles are so small. I want his comfort. I am reaching a point were I am a bit po'd at him. He threw us away. I am upset at myself for letting my gaurd down and loving a man who clearly was a tough case with a bad track record. I was going to be "different". Well if he is going to be this rigid in relationships, he's going to be alone in this world. I offered him companionship, friendship, love. He disrespected all that I gave him. I'm getting angry. Suppose it's just another phase in this sucky experience, and I'm not sure what it means. I could really smack him upside the head right now for being such a dick to me the last couple months we were together. He ruined this and blames me.
I was going to offer the family to do my deceased friend's hair. I've done it for years and I know he was a little overdue. But they're doing a cremation so it's not necessary. I prefer cremation anyway so I'm glad the family chose this. Service Wednesday. Surreal.
I'm really considering it Michelle. For instance this is a potential scenerio. When he comes for his stuff, I could say something like, "This is the last time we’ll see each other, unless by chance. I want you to know that you meant a lot to me." Then I'd extend my arms for an embrace. If he held me and I feel a connection from him, I could then say something like, "we could get through this if we wanted it. " Depending on how he responds, I could then say something like this, or maybe better to write this and slip it to him as I say goodbye. "If you ever wondered about it, I’ll be at xyz venue at 8 on sunday. With no expectation, we could talk. If you don’t come, I’ll know it's not what you want and you won’t hear from me again."
Since he blames me I probably should add a sincere acknowledgement & apology.
The danger with this plan is obvious, that he will not show up, or worse just straight up say no chance. But then at least I will know I made every possible effort to reach out and if he doesn't want it, I need to drop it and move on. I do not think I am interested in living in a state of limbo waiting for something to happen. Its 7 months already that I'm hoping for a shot at reconciliation.
I saw a beautiful apt. yesterday. FINALLY. I filled out an application & the owner will let me know this wkend. The application said pets under 20 lbs are ok. I'm pretending I didn't see that. I marked dog, [not dogs.} Owner doesn't live in bldg. If he should select me as the tenant, I'll have to mention it's 2 and they're lrg., I'm going to describe them as medium sized. I can offer additional deposit and try to persuade them.
So that's a potential glitch, we'll see what happens. I think they had anticipated a huge turnout for the appt. viewing. They had a stack of applications and mine was the 2nd one to be filled out. Depending on who the other applicant is and how many other people may have showed after me. At best they probably have 4 choices. Good odds.
It's by far the best I've seen. No w/d hookups, but it has everything else I wanted. As usual, there is one fatal problems, in this case the pet issue. Crossing my fingers.
I am crossing my fingers with you!!! Are the rents in NYC as expensive as the media portrays them to be?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Well, if you reach out, then you know you tried. And that's very important.
The acknowledgment and apology are probably very important parts of that letter. If he doesn't feel understood and that his viewpoint is respected, you don't got a chance IMO.
Great news on the apt! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. The rental vacancy rate out here is up, so places are offering move-in incentives to get people in. Hopefully that is going on out there to and will work in your favor!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Reflecting and remembering the tragedy that happened 8 yrs ago. Sept 10, 2001 we were innocent. (we just didn't know it then) Our lives were changed forever. Thoughts and prayers out to all who lost loved ones. May the lost rest in peace. Also contemplating all the senseless loss of life that followed this event. I saw the 2nd plane when I was leaving my D's school. I watched the towers burn & fall. I still feel a dull ache in my chest when I see the city skyline minus these towers, it will always look surreal and empty to me. To this day I don't hear a plane, see a low flying plane, or any emergency vehicle without cringing. I'm keeping a space of remembrence for those I knew who where in the towers. A good time to tell loved ones what they mean to you. I am proud to be a New Yorker. Proud to be American. Blessed to have family & friends. Grateful to be alive. Sending love.
