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Sorry to hear about your accident! You sound like you are okay though?

Well, if he didn't care at all, he wouldn't IM. So, it's a positive. It's not necessarily romantic, but it's a positive!

Remember the 4 phases: reducing negative emotions, friendship, romance, recommitment. You are between 1 and 2. So take his friendly overture as just that. And as a DBing positive!

I'm just trying to stay "breezy and upbeat" which is a total 180 for me and so far so good. We have talked the last 3 days in a row and it has all been very light and casual. I am very happy with this. I have always maintained that even if we do not get back together as H and W he ws my best friend before the M and will still be my best friend after.

Sounds like a great plan!

Keep up the good work!

This week has been really hard. My thirtieth birthday was Tuesday and I got a card and an email from H's mother but not a word from him. He had put in for a weeks vacation for this week earlier in the year so we could go somewhere big for my birthday. I guess he decided to still use the vacation time for himself. Also I noticed a charge on my credit card from blockbuster. apparently my card is attached to his account. He rented movies a month ago and still has not returned them. Very uncharacteristic of him. He is usually a day or two late but a month???? And today is the anniversary of our first kiss, not that he would remember that but I am very emotional and trying my best not to email him. I just feel as though every day apart makes my love for him grow and it hurts so badly to know that he is using everyday to get over me. I feel so pathetic and even though I am out there and GAL and doing for me, I feel like I can't breathe without him. He is the exact male version of me so everything I do or see or hear reminds me in someway of him.

Hi Twist
Oh, I have just read your posts and I am REALLY feeling your pain - I am there myself.

I just wanted to say what a brilliant job I think that you are doing. You have gathered strength and sound like you are GAL'ing so very well.

The hurt over your birthday I can also identify with, as I had the same 'nothing' from my H in July on my birhtday (you can read my post if you care to at Upside Down, still struggling and trying to detach).

I was drawn to your post as you are not living with your H any longer and have no kids. My H walked out so I am here alone and no kids either. This makes me exceptionally lonely, no family and only a few new friends.

I shall be keeping my eye on you and see how you are doing. I don't have any advice, being in much the same situation, but just wanted you to know that you are NOT alone. There are some great people on these boards and they will comfort as well as challenge you. Both are equally important in your progress, as far as I have seen things work so far.

Try to find something to do with yourself every day. At least you are working, which I know has it's pro's and con's for you right now, with H being there too. Keep your distance and remain mysterious ...

Continue to journal and vent here ... it is a safe haven with those who know what you are going through. My thoughts are with you, Twist.

For your protection, get that account closed or changed. Either so he can't use it, or so your card isn't on it. I know it's only movies, but that goes for everything.

There are SO many cases on here where the WAS goes through depression/crisis mode and tries to curb it with indulgences. Which can be expensive. Like my STBXH, who blew through all our savings plus racked up $9000 in credit card debt.

They won't acknowledge birthdays, anniversaries, or any special occasions. If they did, they would have to remember the good times, and while they are in WAS mode / MLC / Depression / all of the above, they need to justify what they are doing not remember the good times.

It still hurts though. I know.

Just remember you have a world of friends here who understand.

((((((HUGS)))))))

So today was a big realization for me. H has taken care of the video card. I came in to work and sent him a note thanking him and let him know I would be putting his car payment on his desk after he left. When I got to his desk a fax was on it to our landlords stating he will be out of the apaartment by 9/30 and provided his new address and cell number. He has not provided me with any of this info so needless to say I am hurt. Also he asked them to please keep his information confidential for his security. Okay laying it on your desk is really the best way to keep it secret and I'm sorry you are worried about your security now???? We work together so if I was really going to do something why go to his house why not do it at work if I was that crazy. He telling people about this like I'm some crazy bitch and he's the victim in all this. He's the one who came home and dropped the bomb on me and kicked me out. If there is any victim in this thing it's me. he says he wants to reamin friends well that's one hell of a way to show it. Also he stated one of the main reasons for the seperations was to be with his son. Where we lived was 45 minutes away from his son so if he wanted to be with his son more would he not have moved closer??? No he is moving to a location that will be an hour and a half away from his son. GRRRR ! I am so angry and hurt right now. I guess it's time to go dark and say the hell with him.

So opinion time guys. Right now I am living with a woman twice my age and while she's my best friend and I love her to death, she is very hard to live with. I'm really thinking of going ahead and buying a home of my own before the 8000.00 tax credit ends in Nov but I'm so afraid to move ahead. I haven't really thought about what I wanted to do much until to day and while I do not want to rush into anything. Buying a house would definately be GAL. I have never lived by myself and I think it would be good for me but at the sametime what if he comes back ???? Any ideas????

Hey Twist
I think that most people here would say "buy the house!" It makes financial sense at the moment, if you have done all the working out and know that you can afford it - the 8k tax credit will help!

I'm thinking that buying the house would be a GAL, 180 AND most of all send out a big message to your H that you are done with his nonsense.



If he comes back, then you both have a place where you can work on your 'fresh start'. If not, you have a new haven for your new life.

Good luck Twist!

Don't buy a home because of the tax credit. Buy it because you can afford it in your budget first. Things to factor in - insurance, maintenance, lawn, gardens, appliances, furniture, curtains/drapes, rugs/carpet and repairs.
How stable is your job? Do you have 3-6 months living expenses saved? Are you planning on staying in the area for another three years? Would you buy the home without the tax credit?